Himmatwala

Directed by: K. Raghavendra Rao 
Starring: Jeetendra, Sridevi, Amjad Khan Kader Khan, Waheeda Rehman 
Released: 1983

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Classic by the influence it had on the fashion of filmmaking at its time (which kind of explains why 80s mostly sucked), and one damn overrated film when it comes to quality, Himmatwala is better to be avoided, unless you are in mood for a boring heroism of a ridiculous hero, some bad acting and unintenionally hilarious tragedies. Himmatwala also failed to give me what I wanted: Sridevi. Because ironically, although this is the film that catapulted her to stardom practically overnight, she has next to no role and 80% of her screentime is focused on her waist-down. And she is no miracle in the film either, in spite of her undeniable screen presence.

Cause darn it was not acting that made her the star of Himmatwala.

But let me introduce you our hero first. He wears the coolest 80s fashion, he sports the awesome Elvis haircut, his name is Ravi and he is definitely too old for the role. After years he spent studying he got his degree in engineering and now returns to his village. He is shocked to find out his mother (who in real life happens to be just six years older to him – and that she is my beloved Waheeda Rehman makes this crime even more horrible) and younger sister have sold their house long time ago and are living like beggars in dirty huts. Why? Here the sob story: Once upon a time his father was a respected school master, but after he testified against local rich villain Sher Singh he was trapped by him and accused of a rape. He is ostracized and leaves his family without a word. (and Ravi apparently suffers from amnesia, because he doesn´t remember a thing from all this, in spite of being at least 7 years old at the time). The broken wife of the teacher decides her son should become a big man by studying in the city (while her daughter is obviously not good enough and can happily slog and live in poverty.)

 So now the village is completely under control of Sher Singh (who has a really bothersome and IMO needlessly complicated way of killing his enemies, involving railtracks) and on mercy to a whim of his spoilt and pretty beti (this is where Sridevi´s leather pants make an entry). But Ravi is not afraid! Ravi is and educated man capable of beating anyone up with his hands as well as never ending motivational speeches about duty and righteousness, that will make your head ache. And then... you guessed it. Ravi triumphs over Sher Singh, turns his daughter from a spoilt kid in leather pants into a Sati Savitri wrapped exclusively in sarees and lives to see the day his father returns home. Meanwhile he saves India from post-flood apocalypse, giving us a song with... corpses.

Jeetendra I just don´t get. Every film I´ve seen him in I found his a very bad actor. No dialogue delivery, no screen presence, no body language. And as already mention, too damn old to be a fresh graduate running around the trees with a child-like Sridevi. She in her turn does what the director wanted her to: making silly faces and speaking in squeeky voice. It has been proven lots of times she is capable of so much more, but sadly this “cutesy” act became her main image. To give credit where it´s due her Naino Mein Sapna dance number is a highlight of the film, and really addictive. Rest of the songs left me rather cold (except for Taki O Taki, but I´d rather not mention Jeetendra and his “jumping Jack” dancing style) and Wah Wah Khel has to be one of the most retarded songs and picturizations I´ve ever seen.

Supporting cast boasting of great names like Amjad Khan, Waheeda Rehman and Kader Khan, don´t leave much of an impression either. Amjad is not a scary villain in this (what a contrast to Gabbar from Sholay!), and why Waheeda did this film, being as picky and generally having a good script sense, is beyond my understanding. Apart from making me loathe the name „Ravi“, Himmatwala showed me that some films just cannot last in the long run and don´t stand the test of time. I don´t think Himmatwala has anything timeless and transcending the years. I would only recommend it to die-hard Sridevi fans, and that too purely for research purposes. Better go and watch the iconic Naino Mein Sapna on youtube and that on repeat (at least her dancing ability was fully put to use!). I am largely sceptic about remakes, but frankly, I think the new Himmatwala, that will be here soon with bells-swinging Ajay Devgn (also too old for the role. Meh.), can only be better.

Main Khiladi Tu Anari

Directed by: Sameer Malkan

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Saif Ali Khan, Kader Khan, Shilpa Shetty, Shakti Kapoor

Released: 1994

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

So I finally ventured into the Khiladi franchise with Main Khiladi To Anari (because in spite of its title Khilad 786 cannot be counted as a part of it as far as I know). As someone who is not impressed with Bollywood action scenes, I was a bit apprehensive, because it is action scenes Akshay Kumar is mostly (and unfairly cause he has a lot more to offer) known and applauded for. Also, while Saif Ali Khan today is among the best actors and my favourites, young puppy-like Saifu in those films of the 90s I´ve seen seemed rather awkward. And that Shilpa Shetty cannot act became clear within first ten minutes.

When an honest and uncorrupted police officer is murdered by a drug dealer Goli (Shakti Kapoor), his lover Mona (Shilpa) spills the beans to a handsome police inspector Karan (Akshay), only to have her long skirt torn (cause showing her long legs is essential for the film) and to be killed. As it happens the murdered inspector was Karan´s older brother, and so the chhota bhai sets out to avenge his sibling. But what to do? He has nothing against Goli now that Mona and her sexy legs are gone.

Meanwhile, in some other part of the city, a popular actor, an ultimate romantic hero Deepak Kumar, is having an existential crisis. Not that his films wouldn´t be doing well, but he hates them and himself in them. Sick from the image he has he is longing to kick ass at least once in some „asli mard“ movie. While unsuccessfully explaining this to a producer (who is also a mafia boss), he encounters the ultimate kick-ass machine inspector Karan fighting for justice, and immediately decides this is the exact image he needs to create for himself. To be able to study Karan´s mannerism and behaviour he manages to pull some strings and soon tough and rather anti-social inspector (still trying to get his revenge) is officially stuck with a naive, flamboyant and oh so filmy superstar. At the same time Karan finds Basanti, a girl who acts exactly like the annoying Basanti from Sholay and looks exactly like the deceased Mona, and after one night lasting English course she transforms from an illiterate thief into a high profile bar dancer, planted into Goli´s closeness under a pretext of being a Mona, who survived, but is not dangerous for him because she lost her memory...

The film has its share of loopholes and flaws. I wasn´t comfortable with the „love“ twist that brought Basanti and Karan together. I don´t care he didn´t really rape her, and it was actually set up by her so he would think that. The idea behind it – that a raped girl should marry the one who raped her – is just repulsive. If in the middle of Bollywood a writer cannot come up with a better idea of how to push two characters together, let them rather stay single. It was better to watch Deepak romancing Karan´s sister, although here too one wondered how much there is to actual love, considering she was a nutcase of a fangirl. But both love stories and even the plot involving Goli and all the avenging are really just a background – for some seriously awesome Akshay/Saif bonding.

It´s between the two of them that the actual relationship happens, a relationship that truly deserves a label of „bromance“. They have wonderful chemistry and even in acting they were complimenting each other. Their comic timing is wonderful, especially Saif got me in splits with his almost childish stubborness and yet being clueless about what to do most of the time. The purpose of his character is not lost in the progress, he doesn´t loose the bohemian spirit and never abandons his aim to build his new image.

Main Khiladi Tu Anari is nothing but an unapologetic fun. To analyze it and nit pick on the story is almost irrelevant, because the fun is what matters, not any moral values. Extremely enjoyable with the (today) unintentionally (?) hilarious songs and dancing, as well as Kader Khan being a movie star fangirl, the movie also has a great repeat value and doesn´t get old.

Andaz

Directed by: David Dhawan

Starring: Anil Kapoor, Karishma Kapoor, Juhi Chawla, Kader Khan

Released: 1994

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Many years before Farah Khan brought to life Main Hoon Na that revolved around a college and terrorism, there was David Dhawan who created a movie based on the two as well. Main Hoon Na is not even remotely a copy of Andaaz, as the two stories are different, and where Farah Khan´s movie changes easily from comedy to family drama and action flick, David Dhawan stayed faithful to what he could do best and maintained the light spirit throughout, yet still I found it curious that the two movies have the same feel. Main Hoon Na, aspiring to be a modern day classic in my book, is of course far superior to Andaaz in every department, being a slick, polished and witty massala of the memorable team Farah-SRK, while Andaaz is what it is: a typical 90s movie with loopholes, bad cinematography and Shakti Kapoor.

Anil Kapoor armed with his trademark moustache and wearing glasses (signifying he is a civilized and educated man this time) comes to a college as a new teacher, however his peaceful nature and young age make him a favourite target of student jokes and tricks. One of the girls in particular disturbs his inner balance – Jaya (Karishma), who, after pulling a practical joke on him, seems to annoy him with every single thing. Anil puts up with everything up until the moment he finds an „I love you“ note addressed to him. He gives it to Jaya (as he believes it was her sending it) without much of an explanation, and thus starts an avalanche of other similar notes. Unknown to him it was not her who sent them, but one of other students trying to avenge for previous punishment, and while Anil thinks he is love object of Jaya´s, she in return believes she is his, building this belief on the I love you notes he keeps giving her „back“

The film is also an unashamed eyeglasses porn.

When truth comes out it is already too late for Jaya, who is head over heels and for real in love with the teacher, and in order to gain his affection leaves the school and moves next door, only to be rejected again and again. Until finally Anil decides to bring home – a wife! Marrying in a hurry he chooses Juhi Chawla in an orphanage, with a conviction him marrying will shoo Jaya away forever. Originally he wanted a woman who could cook, sing, be educated. Juhi is none of that and quite useless, however Anil is not angry for long because she still possesses the erotic female parts and basically the whole second half of the film could be called „The tales of a horny husband“. One song in particular made me stare at the screen in a complete disbelief of what was actually happening! The first 13 seconds will be enough for you to understand!

Karishma, who dominated the first half completely, being adorable with her huge eyebrows and frizzy hair, is immediately sidelined not only by her love interest (now interested only in jumping into bed with the wife at every single opportunity. Compared to the latest Dhawan movies it was all still innocent, which can give you an idea of how distasteful are his films now.), but also the script, which is a shame. Her character henceforth doesn´t really make much sense and looses all the appeal.

You may be wondering by now where the terrorists fit in. They don´t fit in at all – and yet they are present. The „action“ subplot is limited to about three or four short scenes during the film, only to overwhelm it in the last 15 minutes, and basically holding no importance at all. In fact the whole terrorist thing is just a way how to get rid of Jaya in the end.

Let´s get laid darling.

Let´s get intimate!

Actually, let´s get kinky.

I really enjoyed the movie (after all I love myself some 90s with all the cringeworthy stuff and guilty pleasures they represent).It is one of the few rare pictures where I didn´t cringe at Anil Kapoor´s comedy, maybe because he kept the acting rather calm and came of much more convincing than his usual let´s be as loud as possible and let´s put my head forward and bulge my small eyes way of acting „funny“. The ladies steal the show from him (I guess after working with Madhuri and Sridevi he was used to that already anyway), Karishma breathes the life into the story in the first part, Juhi with her gorgeousness and comic sense nobody can match takes over in the second, in spite of being given just an extended cameo. She was a pure delight to watch and left me longing for more.

It´s no Main Hoon Na for sure, but it is worth a shot if you are looking for something fun or if you are missing the naughty but not yet completely over the top vulgar David Dhawan.

Bol Radha Bol

Directed by: David Dhawan

Starring: Rishi Kapoor, Juhi Chawla, Kader Khan, Shakti Kapoor, Alo Nath, Mohnish Behl

Released: 1992

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

The Kapoor Khazana month is on the track and it gives me a perfect excuse to put up several reviews I have been too lazy to write so far. Let this be the first one then!

I would like to make it clear that I do not hate Rishi Kapoor. I really don´t, even though you can (and will) see me making fun of him most of the time. I find him hilarious to watch and there is something about him that I just cannot take seriously, even if he´s playing emotional scenes and serious roles. Sorry, Rishi-ji. But in this you opted for a role of a romantic lover AND a rocking super-talented musician.

Juhi. Something easy on the eyes first.

Rishi, hidden in the film under the name of Kishen Malhotra, is a grown-up man with the mind of a teenager (why Rishi, why?). All he does all day long is fantasizing about his Radha, aka some girl who´ll return his love. There seem to be no special requirements for the girl, as he throws himself on every single one. And if none is in sight, he recites his pick up lines to his dog. After making an enemy in one of his collegues (the dog discovered he steals from Kishen´s company.) he sets up happily to open a factory in the country, that has been closed down for years, an obviously all the workers had to wait till he comes and tell them to repair everything (sometimes the villagers are so dumb, nah?). Not surprisingly Rishi finds his Radha among them – the beautiful Juhi Chawla, who obviously thinks his wardrobe full of those famous knitted sweaters is cute. Some singing and several English lessons bear their fruit and we have a romance blooming. But as soon as the factory is set up and Radha agrees to marry Kishen, he has to return home to inform his mother about everything. He only arrives there to find out his mother died. And not only that. He finds out somebody else is pretending to be him!

There are TWO of them? Somebody save me...

How is it possible? The impostor looks exactly the same! Kishen is thus thrown out of the house, only to be left wondering, who is the other one and what in the world is happening! While trying to figure that out, Radha is dying of longing for her lover, and in the end she decides to travel to the city herself. After coming to Kishen´s house, she finds his double drinking and being merry with girls. Thankfully a bit later she bumps into the real Kishen. Together they are searching for the truth, find out the real identity of the impostor. And then they work out the plan of how to outsmart him.

Bol Radha Bol is a decent flick, during which I had several really good laughs, some of them definitely not for the right reasons. As you might have already noticed, I found Rishi being ridiculous in his role (yet again). There is no doubt he is a very good actor with a likeable factor, but well, his looks and choice of roles betrayed him. He was in the „cursed“ state for an actor during this time – too old to be romancing young girls and too young to play their father. His pairing with Juhi hence doesn´t look convincing, though they do not look as bad together as Rishi/Madhuri or the example worst of them all Rishi/Divya Bharti. Rishi doesn´t look good neither as an immature good guy Kishen, nor as a drunken imposter playing saxophone. He does master the double role brilliantly for sure, but did not make me believe him a single word.

"Oh no! When I think that impostor is wearing my coolest sweaters right now!"

Juhi on the other hand was as perfect as one could wish. As a simple village belle with feisty nature she was just lovely to look at, and even after getting a sexy make-over in the second part there was still beautiful innocence to her. Her comic timing was spot on as always. Her real partner in terms of comedy was none other then Shakti Kapoor in one of his completely insane over-the-top roles, doing things, faces and sounds nobody else could ever pull off, unless making everyone think he has just escaped the mental asylum. Another one given supposedly comic scenes was Kader Khan, sadly he fails to impress and his part in the film doesn´t make sense at all. I have to note that this is possibly the first film that has ever presented me with evil Alokh Nath!

As perverse as it may sound, these two are the best thing about the film.

One scene which I found nearly unwatchable was when Rishi´s real dog (cause even it has a double!) finally finds its Master and Rishi beats it up, thinking the dog betrayed him earlier. After realizing his mistake, Rishi encourages the dog to fight its double. Seeing the two dogs biting each other did not give me any pleasure or satisfaction, and Juhi cheering during all that made it even more wrong (remind me of Darr, when she was screaming „Kill him, kill him“ from the top of her lungs, while Sunny Deol beated the heck out of Shahrukh Khan. That too was wrong, even if for another reason :) ).

Music doesn´t make the film stand out either, in fact the song in the club, after Rishi discovers his double´s identity, is pretty much awful – which covers everything from melody, lyrics, costumes and choreography. The title song is lovely, giving us a pleasant glimpse of lovely Juhi in traditional Indian attire, but is not ground-breaking either.

In the end I know there are other films out there, which do make Juhi even lovelier and funnier, which make Alokh Nath a good human being, which make club scenes rocking, which make Rishi Kapoor less ridiculous. 

"What does RIDICULOUS mean?"

Sherni

Directed by: Harmesh Malhotra

Starring: Sridevi, Shatrughan Sinha, Pran, Kader Khan

Released: 1988

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

If you ever wondered what would it look like when a Bollywood star actress turns into female Rambo, this is a film that will give you an answer. Sridevi, for many the ultimate Yash Chopra´s „ideal woman in white“, obviously thought a change is needed and after being promised some black leather clothes and butt-kicking, she decided to give her dates to Sherni. Well, the result was not worth it. Sridevi plays a village girl Durga (quite an appropriate name considering what is inevitable), who, like all the Bollywood village girls at the beginning of the movie, is more into playing with kids half her age then anything else. She is also known for her explosive temperament and will beat the heck out of everyone who dares to create any injustice. Needless to say it doesn´t make her exactly popular among men. She lives with her mother and two younger siblings, and they wait for their father to return from prison, into which he was sent after false accusations from the villanious Thakur Dharampal Singh. Why or what the accusations were....... is obviously not important because it´s never mentioned or explained. Just the whole plot stands on it. I guess the filmmakers could not find any good excuse, so audience – just deal with it.

"But at least it allows me to have the coolest hairstyle."

But those terrible six months in jail have really angered the old man, and so he flees and with other guys grabs some guns, forms a bandit group and goes hide into the mountains, from where he leads a war against the Thakur. Durga refuses to go with him and to support her family she starts dancing on the streets. But what would one thought – people consider her a prostitute!! How unexpected and shocking. But fortunately a knight on a white horse saves her from all the insults! Or more like a dashing secret police officer coming in a red bus. OK, so it is ridiculously (compared to Sridevi) old and fat Raj (Shatrughan Sinha), who immediately takes an opportunity and acts like a long lost son to one of village women (fortunatelly she dies before she finds out she was deceived). He came to see how police operates in the area, and he is not amused. Police is one hand with the evil Thakur.

Now who wouldn´t fall in love at first sight, right?

....and who doesn´t fantasize of romancing this, hmm?

Meanwhile Durga falls in love with Raj (I guess script demanded it) and is having romantic thoughts while dancing and imagining him like a dummy (duh.... now that is something new and in a way also disturbing). While doing that she is spotted by Thakur´s evil brother Teja, who lusts after her, and after having her thrown into jail, having her released, getting her to his house and unsuccessful try to rape her, he and all the other evil guys chase her to her home, and before she can alarm her family they come and shoot everyone except her (why do villains do such silly mistakes?). So she shoots several of them in return and runs into the mountains to her father and his gang. And here comes the moment we all have been waiting for – Durga sheds off her saree and slips into tight black leather pants. Whoo hoo!! And not her father, but she becomes the menace to the evil guys.

Before....

After...

A story, that just might have had some potential to be interesting or moving, is unforgivably killed thanks to plotholes and laughable handling of the characters. Not to mention other little things like Pran´s silly hairstyle, already mentioned old and fat Sinha, and of course Durga going berserk dressed like for a Harley ride. For a simple village girl she handles guns way too professionally and needs no training at all. Her falling in love with Sinha is good for nothing, their complete lack of chemistry and non-sensial pairing doesn´t bring any romantic touch to the film anyway. In fact the whole character of Raj is needless and those few of his important scenes could have been done differently, making Sherni a film completely without a hero. Sridevi acts well, though not her best, but all her efforts lead nowhere, because I just could not take her seriously in that outfit and all. Nobody else is really worth a mention.

Srambo

She dances well and in the first part looks good, but music fails her (like many other things in this), except for the last song, during which you can finally stop laughing for a while and admire Sridevi´s dancing (but I was still asking myself how in the world could Teja have not recognized her).

I would call this an unsucessful attempt at heroine-oriented movie, that turned out unintentionally hilarious in the end. 

So you didn´t like my movie?