Bollywood-ish

Monday 25 April 2011

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham

Directed by: Karan Johar
Starring: Amitabh Bachchan, Jaya Bachchan, Shahrukh Khan, Kajol, Hrithik Roshan, Kareena Kapoor
Released: 2001
Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing



„Not-at-all-dear Karan Johar,

I hate you with passion. Because what you do is that you thrust your greedy hand into people´s chest, you rip their hearts out and then you dance tango over them in tapping shoes. You want them to cry. You want them to cry a LOT. You don´t want to give them anything. You only want to take. While your venture with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was watchable and Kal Ho Naa Ho quite fun thanks to Saif Ali Khan, your atrocious Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham is the best example of a commercial crap that forces out tears, tears and more tears under a pretext of being a film about family values.

Worst regards

Not-ever-yours Hater.“

I have seen films that bored me to death. I have seen films that made me angry with sheer stupidity. I have seen films that left me utterly confused. K3G 1.) bored me to death 2.) made me angry with sheer stupidity 3.) left me utterly confused PLUS 4.) made me hate Karan Johar and Jaya Bachchan. Why did I watch it then? Because it sadly is one of the most famous films of the past decade and even more sadly it is hugely popular. I can positively say that the films I´ve seen so far and hated had at least one redeeming quality to them. But this has NOTHING, nothing at ALL!!! The story itself is not bad, though not the most exciting or original ever (that wouldn´t bother me one bit). The script though is TERRIBLE, performances bellow average at their best and direction shows a lazy approach with one aim only – to make a hit film. Not a film for someone. Film for money! That is what makes Karan Johar stand out among other directors. His unashamed hunger for commercial success. And he will use anything to get it. I don´t even know where to start with all the bashing of this waste of celluloid!

Amitabh Bachchan plays an elderly father of a family, that consists of his wife (Jaya Bachchan) and two sons, adopted Rahul (yeah yeah.... Shahrukh and who else. They run out of names for him a long time ago) and their own Rohan (some fat kiddo, then Hrithik Roshan). They are a PERFECT family. And I mean PERFECT (aka they have larger than life photos of themselves everywhere, including one really freaky family portrait). They love each other, they celebrate Diwalis in STYLE and they are DISGUSTINGLY rich. Their house was apparently imported from England and used to be a castle. They don´t usually use cars (those are apparently for poor), they prefer helicopters, and they have a garden of a size of central China. But then Rahul falls in love with a poor girl Anjali (Kajol). BOOM BOOM BOOM!!! Thunder strikes and it signifies Amitabh Bachchan is not amused. After Rahul hears out some abuses on the adress of a girl he loves, he does what every perfect son would – he begs on his knees for forgiveness. But duh! Anjali just lost her father. And so instead of dumping her Rahul marries her. BOOM BOOM BOOM!!! Amitabh Bachchan is like seriously pissed. So he says that from now on Rahul should get out. And Rahul goes. And because obviously India is way too small, he settles down in London. There his wife gets birth to a son and next ten years spends with xenophobic ranting against everything even remotely English. With them lives also Anjali´s younger sister Pooja (Kareena Kapoor), who grows up into a Paris Hilton-ish airhead and with her equally stupid friends rules the college. But then her heart is stricken with love as soon as a MUSCULAR guy gets out of his fancy red car. YEAH! Rohan, Rahul´s younger brother, lost the baby fat (but he still cannot do his shoe-laces) and now he set out to unite his family. And the best way to do so is to pretend you are a complete stranger and sneak into Rahul´s home. Wah Wah. Kya planning hai! By this time I was really thinking about killing myself and only finished the film because I found fascinating how BAD it actually was.
Absolutely typical Indian home.
Karan Johar says that „It is all about loving your parents“, but the film says that it is all about endless whining, weeping, sobbing, crying and being miserable. They are still talking about how they love each other, but NOBODY does ANYTHING to show that love. No. They prefer to call you a disgrace (Amitabh), sulk in London for ten years (Shahrukh), emotionally blackmail everyone (Hrithik) or bulging eyes while silently crying (Jaya). There is absolutely no love going on on the screen. You cannot feel any emotions. All the actors are like in their own vacuum, where they act, and they just happen to be in one frame together. There is nothing that could be called an interaction. Amitabh is highly unlikable as a stubborn aging father who loves his authority more then his family. Jaya Bachchan getting an award for looking retarded most of the time is an insult. Shahrukh Khan is looking unforgivably sexy, but is so clean and sweet and perfect that even he was a sore to look at after all that whining! Kajol, whom I finally started to like more then just tolerating her presence on screen, is made to behave like a drunken twit (I shall never forgive Karan for this). And since I am among the minority who does not really see what is THAT special about them, their jodi does not save anything for me. Rani is decent and wasted and forgettable. Hrithik is a goody goody with muscles and that´s where it ends. Kareena had no importance in the story at all.
Music, except for two songs, is very average. And there is one more thing about Karan Johar´s films: the main theme shall repeat again...and again.... and again..... until you feel like kicking into something every time it appears. I had the same problem with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai main theme. And when they inserted it into this film too, it just couldn´t get any worse.... I usually don´t mind mentions of other films and such, but here Karan was celebrating his own film, and that is cringeworthy to say the least. The visuals are terrible. When Yash Chopra makes an imaginary, utopistic clean world for his characters to live in, it is all just a background for feelings and there is honesty in his films. Karan Johar overwhelms you (and makes you practically sick) with the sheer opulence, that is kind of falling on you and you suffocate under it. The visuals are MEANT to overwhelm you. They are not a part of the story at all (as it is the case with Bhansali´s films). They are simply there and make you uneasy. And when a choir of English kids starts singing Indian anthemn, the patriotism is so forced down your throat it´s hard not to be almost physically sick. And just in case you are not moved enough, they will show you a disabled girl smiling happily during that.

Not moving, not appealing, not honest, not even cheesy. A cringeworthy documentary on „How to weep annoyingly and steadily“.

Weeping.
Weeping.
Weeping.
Weeping.
Weeping.
Weeping.
"Can we stop weeping now, please?"

12 comments:

  1. Oh my Lordie what a great and honest post. I am a totally hopelessly in love with Shah Rukh fan but K3G always annoyed me and YOU have pointed out why beautifully! I appreciate the honest opinion = yes Shah Rukh is God Damned sexy and great as usual but this film BOTHERED me (I also must say I love Karan). Hope you will subscribe to my blog too & in honor of YOU I will work towards more brutal honesty in MY posts! XXOO from Seattle Darling! @bellegram http://bellegram.blogspot.com

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  2. Thank you so much for following my blog and this comment! I know the films is loved by many (though I do not understand why) so I was (and still am) expecting more negative reactions. SRk is my favourite actor, but even favourite actors sometimes give a BAD film.

    I am following you rblog now too, looking forward to updates!

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  3. You did a fine job with this post - expressing your most honest feelings and not trying to "go with the flow". Personally, I'm one of the people that do like K3G (funny, how we often disagree on films, btw :D), but the reason is that it was my very first bollywood film, so there's a very close relationship to it from my side.

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  4. World would be boring if we all would love the same things :) Thank you :)

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  5. LOL Loved this review!!! Ally u are one amazing reviewer :P although I used to like the film a few years back I don't think I would enjoy it at all if I saw it again today..totally agree with the comments abt Jaya and the weeping lol Great review!!! :D

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  6. I JUST posted something on Twitter about K3G last night. I love the music but damn is it ever an awful movie. Over the top "look at how rich we are!" characters, Kajal was at her most annoying (and she's ALWAYS annoying so that really takes effort) and Amitabh was a flat, hateful character. And the acting was all around awful. This was my first Kareena movie and it took until Jab We Met for me to stop hating her.

    Just...ugh. No. Spot on review. I liked the movie the first time I saw it and every subsequent viewing has left me more and more annoyed.

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  7. Well, I certainly do not plan to see this ever again!!! :)

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  8. Wow...i agree with every word in this review. No movie has angered/annoyed me as much as KKKG. What a colossal waste of talent and money!!...and fyi Mr. Johar,'prom' happens in high school, and should not be attended by people in london university!! oh, and you might wanna check what 'poo' means in this side of the world too!

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    Replies
    1. LOOOOOOOOL ur comment about prom and poo is soooo trueee!!

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  9. Hahahha,, I loved it, doing a movie review for some angrez.. just found yours.. Its actually hilarious...
    Personally even I don't understand why people cry so much in KJ movies..

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  10. Hahaha this is such a great review. Your writing style is hilarious.

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  11. Haha this is such a great review. Your writing style is hilarious.

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