Mann

Directed by: Indra Kumar

Starring: Aamir Khan, Manisha Koirala, Anil Kapoor, Sharmila Tagore

Released: 1999

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I sincerely, honestly believe that the ONLY thing that ever made indra Kumar´s films work was Madhuri Dixit. Apart from Dil, which I consider a good film, even if flawed, Beta and Raja were only bearable because of her awesomeness and talent, and everything after that I have seen of his work just plain sucks. Mann is no different.

I write poetry in my spare time. Love me.

There is so much wrong with the plot! A severely mopy Sati Savitri Manisha falls in love with a cheater and a liar because he loves his grandmom. Because him being able to appreciate the old lady equals, in Manisha´s eyes, to being a good person. In fact, the character played by Aamir Khan is repulsive, unlikeable asshole and womanizer, who enjoys being creepy. The lengths he goes to while „wooing“ women would get him a restraining order in real life. Yet she falls in love with him, is jealous of girls he pays attention to, even though she has rejected him before. By the time the movie reached the interval I was ripping my hair out of frustration and sheer disbelief. Then the asshole-ish hero turns good and full of izzat overnight. How am I supposed to buy that?

"What the..."

"Do I turn you on?"

"Totally!"

In the second half of the film we are served a completely different story. That of selfless love and that you should look around before crossing the road. Manisha´s face is all swollen throughout and her glycerin-tears-stained cheeks can only be equaled by Jaya Bachchan´s from Kabhi Khusi Kabhi Ghum. Because our heroine lost both her legs! From extreme „hilarity“ the movie sinks into extreme depression, and everything is so theatrical you just wonder what has the director do to make all these good actors act so terribly. 

So hot.

I was irked by so many things in the story, but the greatest outrage was perhaps when Manisha admits to the headmistress of the orphanage (where she had grown up) that she doesn´t want to marry the cheerful and genuinely nice Anil Kapoor (whom I did not expect in the least to show up), because she loves the womanizing stalker. She is then lectured on how she has no right whatsoever to follow her heart and be actually honest with her fiancé, because, you know, there is a chance he just might turn into a lunatic and go crazy because of that. And also: certainly, if she dares to refuse him, nobody will ever marry a girl from an orphanage again. Like WTF.

"Was my moustache not pervy enough for you, biatch?"

Aamir Khan is at his annoying worst (I think I read he regretted doing the film? It would definitely make sense.) Manisha looks disturbingly ill, I had to wonder whether she had some issues with her health off screen. Comedy has never been her forte, and her tragedy is too overdone in this. Anil Kapoor comes and goes, with the only sane character to play, but being himself more than anything. Sharmila Tagore cast as Aamir Khan´s grandmother felt so wrong! The fabulous actress, who was in her fifties at the time, is unrecognizable under a deck up of at least 80 year old woman, who appears very briefly only to pile on some more depression by dying in the second half.

"I am a Cinderella waiting for a Prince."

"But when he brings a shoe he won´t recognize you since you have no legs now."

"You lil shit!"

Logic has never really had place in Indra Kumar´s universe, while annoying over the top comedy thrived. Mann, which also stole a song or two from vintage European hits (here is one and here is another) is a confused movie trying to go from comedy into a tragic romance, much like Dil, but comedy is lame and tragic romance frustrating. The first half, made up of every wrong cliché, made me uncomfortable, the second half with its mopier than mopy ridiculousness made me roll my eyes till they almost stuck on the other part of my head.

"Good luck and break a leg, like you broke my heart."

(note on captions: Sorry for lame jokes. I don´t  mind Anil´s stache. The Cinderella comment was indeed made in the film. Except the ending. Of course.)

Anupama

Directed by: Hrishikesh Mukherjee

Starring: Dharmendra, Sharmila Tagore, Shashikala

Released: 1966

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing 

Not many films venture beyond portrayal of love between hero and heroine – or rather not as many as I would like. Films that don´t only tell story of romance, but include an intricate web of relations, old and new, some of love, some of respect and some of hate. And more than one are complicated, and more than one has to be kept in mind while making decisions. Anupama is such a film.

The story opens with a blissfully married young couple, Mr. And Mrs. Sharma, very much in love and seemingly on their way to even more happiness, as they soon are expecting their first baby. However after a long and complicated labour the lovely Mrs. Sharma dies, leaving behind a baby girl Uma and a completely desolate husband, who is unable to even look at his daughter, unless he is completely drunk. Uma thus grows up into an extremely isolated young woman with little confidence in herself. She is craving for her father´s love, or at least an approval, and at the same time she is terrified of him and his drunken expressions of paternal love. But her life seems to be changing upon meeting a group of friendly young people, a handsome writer and poet Arjun among them.

The character of Anita „Annie“ played by Shashikala, got on my nerves for most part. I understand she was supposed to be a completely opposite of Uma (who speak so little in the film you actually fear she has gone mute), but there is a point after which „over-the-top“ transforms into „highly unconvincing squirrel after a barrel of coffee“. The film also drags a bit in the middle, but it is all worth it in the end - end, that refuses to be a melodrama full of clichés. The story progresses, the characters remain who they are, they don´t do things which are drastic, extreme or completely unexpected, they stay true to themselves, even though, of course, changes make them take actions.

Dharmendra may be known best as action hero, but his good-natured, humble poet was played with much feeling, beautifully. His character is a daydreaming writer, yet never a hopeless case of uselessness (as it sometimes happens with artists shown in films – they are in love with a girl and their genius mind). He is earthy, calm, pleasant. He doesn´t go around giving lectures on the meaning of life – and whatever might come close to it feels very natural and never pretentious.

Young Sharmila was stunningly gorgeous. At times I had a feeling her big 60s hair interfered a bit with who the character of Uma was supposed to be – a very shy, introverted girl who never goes out (apparently the director had the same feeling, but Sharmila refused to listen), but for most part the innocence was so clearly mirrored on her face it let one forget about anything else. For a long time in the film I was worried that she had not much to do apart from looking glorious, but her character ultimately proves to be a heart-stealer. Uma collects up her courage and walks out on her old life with dignity and without need to have a nervous breakdown and throw a fit while making her father feel like crap for mistreating her for so many years (even though that is exactly what he deserved).

The gorgeous black and white cinematography is visual delight, and the music too matches all the beauty the film is stuffed with. My two favourite songs have to be Kuch Dil Ne Kaha and Dheere Dheere Machal. Indeed, Anupama is beautiful.

Daag

Directed by: Yash Chopra

Starring: Rajesh Khanna, Sharmila Tagore, Rakhee Gulzar

Released: 1973

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

The complete title is Daag – The poem of love, heralding right from the beginning that you are in for something cheesy and self-indulgent (though the latter not by far on the scale Yash Chopra started doing films in the 80s. Indeed compared to lavish Veer-Zaara, Chandni or Dil To Pagal Hai poor Daag looks like a disowned relative nobody talks to in family gatherings). It is also not „a poem of love“, unless you call bizarre romantic. Because bizarre, perhaps even with a capital B, it is.

After accidentally killing a man trying to rape his wife Rajesh Khanna escapes from the police, leaving bechari Sharmila Tagore pregnant and thinking he died. However as destiny would have it they meet again several years later, with Sharmila having a son and Rajesh having a huge moustache, bungalow, daughter and Rakhee Gulzar for his wife. Oh the drama! I was really curious at this point at how is Yash Chopra going to solve this one in order to please general public. But I was disappointed when it became clear that Rajesh is in fact not married to Rakhee and he is not a father to her child. He only told so everybody so to save Rakhee from gossip, because her lover had ditched her once she told him she was pregnant. And then Rajesh spent 5 years with her under one roof, with her million rupee daddy sponsoring them, growing a moustache, but he never even touched her, because you see, he loved Sharmila. As to why in the world did he never ever even tried to find her up (with millions at his dispose that wouldn´t have been so difficult anyway) is never explained. 

But even his „marrying“ Rakhee is as bizzare as hell. I for sure wouldn´t bring a random person from a train station to my home in the middle of the night, spilling to him what the rest of the world must not know and accept his immediate proposal for „marriage“ within an hour. The ending however was the most bizarre thing of all, with Rajesh and Sharmila being reunited (thus making Rakhee´s undesirable situation known to the world – which previously was that very thing they tried to stop the whole time) and choosing to live with Rakhee and her father in one household, because "their relationship is unbreakable now". BTW Rakhee was the one with millions and bungalow while Rajesh and Sharmila had, as we say in our country, naked butts. But Sharmila makes this decision seem like she is actually making a favour to Rakhee,who by the way is in love with Rajesh and thus making the whole thing even more questionable (urgh... how exactly did they arrange the house and bedrooms? And how the heck they explained it all to the kids?)

This was only my second film with Sharmila and Rajesh respectively. Rajesh I have previously watched in Khamoshi, but that one was completely Waheeda Rehman´s show. Here he showed me he had a beautiful voice, but was not really good when it came to being angry or agitated. It felt too fake really. Sharmila did well (and surprisingly was not a representative of what we today call „a Yash Chopra heroine“ aka looking like a heaven-sent creature), but the one to really capture my attention and sentiments was Rakhee. She was different in her approach than Sharmila. More focused. Less conscious of the camera. She was becoming her character with great conviction. And her character deserved so much better.

All in all I don´t think Daag is a great film. And well, I don´t think Yash Chopra is a great director either. My love for some of his films is rooted usually in performances and performers, sometimes also music. But it rarely has much to do with his direction. The self-indulgent, epicness-boasting titles do not help either.

Chupke Chupke

Directed by: Hrishikesh Mukherjee

Starring: Dharmendra, Om Prakash, Amitabh Bachchan, Sharmila Tagore, Jaya Bachchan

Released: 1975

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

There used to be a time when while watching a comedy movie you could do so with the whole family from half-deaf grandma to the smallest kids without worrying that a vulgar joke will be said, without fear that in the next moment twenty naked oily girls are going to weave themselves into the limbs of the hero. That was a time of films like Chupke Chupke, which is among the very best of genuine, entertaining and harmless comedies.

Starring the ever so charming Dharmendra as the main lead, the film starts with him (under the name of Parimal Tripathi, a famous botany professor) trying to help out a keeper of a mountain bungalow by pretending to be him. To his horror as soon as he disguises himself and the real keeper wanders off to visit his son in a hospital, a bus loaded with female botany students arrives and he has to fulfill all the keeper´s duties. Among the girls we can find Sulekha (young and fresh Sharmila Tagore), who ultimately finds out the truth about Parimal and the two fall in love.

Love? I´m here to keep the bungalow. I charge more for falling in love.

Nobody objects and so they soon get married, but Parimal´s marital bliss is constantly bugged by a relative he has not even met yet – Sulekha´s brother-in-law (Om Prakash). Apparently whatever he does and says is treated as the Holy word in the whole family, because he is well educated and witty. Finally Parimal is way too annoyed with all the praise on the adress of „jijaji“ and makes a bet with Sulekha: He is going to show her her brother-in-law is just as human and can make mistakes like every other mortal by tricking him. Soon after jijaji employs a new driver for his family, not aware he is no other than Parimal, the new relative he has not yet met.

Jijaji 24-hours nonstop telephone help line. May I share my words of wisdom with you?

Truth is that until some point the whole thing is interesting to watch and after that becomes somehow pointless. The trickery evolves into an intricate scheme organized by Parimal, but using help of not only Sulekha, but also some of his friends, but somehow you never get to know why. After some time it leaves the intention to mislead the poor jijaji and becomes more of a fun game enjoyed by the ones who actually do know what is going on, but causing much genuine distress to those not involved in the plot. And when it comes to that, I always feel rather uncomfortable. Anyway the films manages to overcome its own pointlessness with pure entertainment guaranteed mostly by the one and only Dharam, whose comic timing is perfect and his natural charm just keeps you with a smile plastered on your face throughout.

Can I please have one more uniform? With pinky butterflies, please?

Let´s do some romancing among flower petals first!

The last 20 minutes are weaker than the rest of the movie, mostly because the focus shifts to Parimal´s friend Sukumar Sinha (Amitabh Bachchan) and his love troubles caused by him previously agreeing to pose as Parimal for the sake of the trickery to go on for a while longer. However how to explain to young Vasudha (Jaya Bhaduri) now that he is actually not the married botany professor, but a very much available bachelor? Not that he would act badly, but after Dharmendra compeltely stealing the show and shining in the film, Amitabh doesn´t manage to reach the level expected by the viewer. Jaya Bhaduri stays for what I usually take her – a small gray mouse without much of a screen-presence, and is somehow lost among the powerful Dharam, less powerful but still good Amitabh, and also ravishing Sharmila who is the one to keep the eyes of all glued on her. Sadly, both ladies are underused.

In spite of the silliness of the plot Chupke Chupke is a very enjoyable film and one of the most effortlessly funny comedies that have ever came out of Bollywood. Safe to watch with family, safe to watch with friends, and brightening up your day even if you are alone.

Nerdy Amitabh rates the film with 4 out of 5 Whirpool washing machines.