Love Aaj Kal

Directed by: Imtiaz Ali

Starring: Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone, Rishi Kapoor

Released: 2009

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

The story may not be great and performances of varied quality, but there is something lyrical about Imtiaz Ali films, which makes them an enjoyable watch, even if only once. Love Aaj Kal is the least emotional of his movies, least complicated, not reaching the amazing entertainment offered by Jab We Met or even emotional wreckage of Rockstar. But it has its share of charming moments and overal is a pretty, pretty picture, using flashbacks very well, without confusing the viewer, and heightening curiosity as the story goes on.

We are given a glimpse of „modern“ and „cool“ relationship between architect Jai and art student Meera, who have great time hanging out together, all on the backdrop of London. Jai, who is really the one carrying the narrative and the story unfolds from his point of view, considers romantic love an old-fashion concept, and when Meera is offered work in India, he very sportingly supports her to leave him, breaking up with her on friendliest terms possible. How very modern and cool indeed. However as the time passes by, he notices his sloppy attempts to move on are all destined to fail. And being constantly nagged by an elderly restaurant owner, who paints in front of Jai his own story of love he had once lived, Mr. Architect is quite shocked when he realizes Love has probably happened to him. Unfortunately it seems Meera actually did move on...

Deepika Padukone does not have much to contribute to the movie, aside from her utterly gorgeous face and drool-worthy wardrobe. After getting used to her very much exciting self from the last two years, I was actually surprised to revisit the somehow awkward, extremely camera-conscious Deepika with pitiful dialogue delivery (which has so evolved since then!). She doesn´t ruin the scenes she´s in, but the director very wisely let Saif Ali Khan do most of the acting instead, giving him most of the dialogues, and so our dear nawab goes on like a chatterbox, rarely stopping an endless flow of words whenever he is nervous or emotional. Sometimes his monologues actually get so long you wonder if Meera´s turn to talk would ever come (and sometimes it really does not).

The most charming bits of the movie, however, are introduced to the viewer by Rishi Kapoor and his narration of the old-school love story several decades ago, in India. The warm, brown colouring of all the scenes in the „past“ gives them a unique mood, very different from the rest of the film. In fact, it felt so nice, I caught myself wishing it would have been the main bit of the film, or a film of its own! Even more so since I felt it was left rather unsolved, even though Neetu Singh´s brief appearance in the very end of the movie gave away the final result.

Love Aaj Kal concludes a very simple fact: Love is Love, no matter if one searches for it or not, no matter where, no matter how it happens, and no matter how modern and cool you consider yourself. You can never bee too cool for Love. It´s just about how thick you are in the head to realize it happened. Very good production values, very likeable actors and very charming story telling make Love Aaj Kal a nice film, if you are in the right mood.

Dev D

Directed by: Anurag Kashyap

Starring: Abhay Deol, Kalki Koechlin, Mahie Gill

Released: 2009

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Dev D has to be the most unconventional take on the famous story of Devdas. It mocks it in a way, disrobing it of everything nicey. The enchanting spirit of the first love, the mystery of kothas, the purity of Paro and her regal manner, the pain of being parted, the slow grow of another love.... If we see the story of Devdas, and its previous adaptations, as a full human body, then Dev D puts a knife through it, dissects it and after a painful process leaves nothing but a skeleton, upon which it places things of its own liking. And so instead of 19^th century Kolkata we get the new age Delhi, instead of an enchanting tawaif we get a full fledged vulgar prostitute and instead of epic love we get lots of, well, lust.

Far away in London, Dev is spending his time studying, but thanks to modern technologies, his Paro back in India definitely cannot complain about lack of communication. Online chatting and telephone calls are obviously a daily routine. And then the happy day comes when Paro sends Dev her nude picture and upon seeing her boobs he excitedly and immediately calls back to tell her he is coming back. What a timing. Upon his arrival he and his lady love both only care how and when and where to get laid as soon as possible, but something always comes in between. However, because Paro is that kind of girl who simply arouses male fantasies (and more) just by being herself, one of those who are „in love“ with her, lies to Dev she sleeps with anyone. Dev, as every average male, immediately accepts that as a fact, and without even bothering to ask Paro, he tells her she is a slut and he would never marry her (indeed, there is no parental disapproval in this one, which makes Dev even bigger ass than he usually is). The epic love story continues with her immediately marrying the first guy who comes her way (fortunately for her he has loads of cash) and Dev throwing up at the wedding.

The storyline then follows a familiar pattern. Dev is unhappy. Paro moves on. Dev is even more unhappy. Dev drinks – and because that is not enough in our new age, he is into drugs to REALLY show you how pitiful he is. He gets introduced to „Chandramukhi“ and spends some time with her, finds out she is also just a human etc etc etc..... True enough, in the end this particular doomed lover (read: sex obsessed junkie) DOES move on as the only Devdas in history, which is one of the few better moments of the film. First half of it was actually quite good, introducing the characters and giving them some unusual layers, however the second quickly becomes boring and it doesn´t pick up anywhere on the way to the finish.

Abhay Deol is a good actor, but after being spoiled by subdued and tragic Devdas by Dilip Kumar and just as tragic even though much more loud and passionate Devdas by Shahrukh Khan, I must say that Abhay makes a good idiotic Dev, but he is not „Devdas“. There is nothing to his love that would not be bound to physical, which is quite strange considering there is supposed to be a bond with Paro from childhood. His performance is not all that impressive as a whole anyway. At no point you would feel he is in love - with Paro or Chanda. Mahie Gill as Paro has very little screen time and does very well, but as it happens regularly – it is „Chandramukhi“ who steals the show. Kalki as Leni/Chanda is excellent, and giving her character a background was a brilliant idea – and so well made it actually makes it difficult to watch. To make the story centred completely around her and her story would have actually been much more inovative and original then just stripping the story of everything that makes it appealing and turn it into a Bhandarkar´s film set.

What's Your Raashee?

Directed by: Ashutosh Gowariker

Starring: Priyanka Chopra

Released: 2009

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I did not expect much of it and thanks to that I did not find it as bad as some people say. In fact it suited quite well to my mood and I calmly had dinner, corrected few papers for my mum who is a teacher, fed our lambs and did my manicure - all while watching the film. At the same time the fact it fitted my mood does not mean it is a good movie. It is dull, really, and drags terribly – after all it has almost 3,5 hours, that are not exactly thrilling or action-packed, neither do they bring out much of an emotion. So we have an obviously useless member in a family, who not only is good for nothing, but actually makes huge debts for which he could go to prison - so let´s all sacrifice ourselves so we can ensure his well-being. What??? That guy should have just gone in jail. But then again.... there would be no film if he did.

The thing indeed worth watching though is Priyanka Chopra, who does exceedingly well and pulls of one of the most unique stunts ever – she enacts 12 different characters, one of each „rashee“, and truth to be told, she is not repetitive in the least! I definitely could see the differences between all 12 characters she had to deal with, and she really used everything from expressions, manner of walk, signature gestures to manner of speech to full advantage. Sadly everything around her is dull and the dullest of all is the lead actor, who looks nice and dances nice, but completely lacks X-factor. That his character is completely one dimensional nice guy without much of a personality does not help. 

The main excuse for 3,5 hours is as follows: The hero, promised by his grandfather he would get loads of money on his wedding day, sets out to find himself a bride. Not because he would be wealth-hungry, but because, as already mentioned, his useless and stupid brother made huge debts and family is willing to do anything to get him out of trouble (I wouldn´t.) Poor hero thus decides to leave everything and starts searching the right woman under a guidance of a match-maker. But because there are too many girls and too little time, so he decides to meet only 12 girls, one representative of each zodiac sign – because obviously ALL people born in the same rashee are the SAME. And in the end he chooses one. Yes. That is all there is to the plot.

I must give the film the credit for excusing Priyanka´s face on all the girls without much pain. Suspicious, but not completely dismissable explanation by an old grandpa, that once you´re set up to find your life-partner, you see them all in one light/with one face, actually didn´t seem that bad... And Priyanka indeed doens´t make you sorry that she is that one face. She looks lovely in all the avatars and captures both huge and gentle nuances that define her characters very well. Be it self-conscious Anjali, mystical (and kinda horny) Bhavna, hot-tempered exhibitionist Mallika, modern feminist Rajni or traditional and romantic (and kinda off-her head) Chandrika (my favourite!), they all are believable and credit goes solely to Priyanka.

What´s Your Raashee is really a film bellow par. It got me thinking though, that as a 12 episode TV series it actually could have been great.

Rocket Singh: Salesman of the Year

Directed by: Shimit Amin

Starring: Ranbir Kapoor, Prem Chopra, D. Santosh, Gauhar Khan, Naveen Kaushik

Released: 2009

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Say what you will I´m pretty much convinced Ranbir Kapoor is the future superstar of Bollywood. And that a superstar with great acting skills and killer charisma, as well as a good script sense. Rocket Singh is not a blockbuster hit film material, yet it doesn´t take away the fact it is an interesting an unusual film, especially if you realize it is mainstream Bollywood.

Harpreet Singh Bedi, a fresh graduate, is full of optimism as he decides to start a career as a salesman. He believes he´s got what it takes. He knows how to talk to people, he knows how to convince them, he has enough of tact and diplomacy. And he is not affraid of working hard. What he does lack though is ruthlessness and most importantly the ability to adjust to the world of sales, where corruption and bribes are a daily bread for everyone in the business. Except him. Brought up by a righteous Prem Chopra, the Sikh Harpreet refuses to fall prey to the tricks and although it earns him more trouble than anything he refuses to play according to the accustomed rules. He is determined not to let go of his purity of conscience.

Finally after taking a lot of humiliation and other crap he decides to create his own company – Rocket Sales Corporation. One by one, several other employers are convinced to join hands with him and they create a truly unique bunch of people – and all including a chaaiwalla have an equal partnership. And their company doesn´t take bribes. And they always solve everything quickly and without delays, charging nothing extra. In other words Harpreet manages to run a flawless, almost utopian company – and all that in absolute secrecy. But nothing lasts forever and eventually people who have been loosing clients to the mysterious Rocket corporation find out the truth....

As a Ranbir Kapoor fan I feel proud of the boy for choosing such a film. And he performs with complete dedication. He is one of the few who do not let their off-screen image and persona meddle with his work and as a result he becomes one with the character. Indeed, I would say that during the five years he´s been in the industry he has shown a great versatility, surpassing even older and more experienced actors. Others fit their roles perfectly as well, and all together create a convincing picture of human nature. What needs to be appreciated is that even though Ranbir Kapoor is clearly the only star in the movie, no character is wasted.

The film is (apart from being an unashamed turban porn) a surprisingly realistic take on office life and relationships between bosses and employees. In a way it is one of the „follow your dream“ stories, but without melodrama and seen without pink glasses, and the troubles go beyond disapproving parents and nasty evil characters. Of course the very end is happily ever after one, but that is all. Entertaining is not the word to use here. The film is slow, especially in the first part before everything starts falling into place. I can imagine why the film did not really click at the box office, it doesn´t make for an exciting cinema watch, but it is perfect if you want to indulge in some thinking and musings about possibilities as you are clutching a cup of tea, resting on your sofa.

When your favourites disappoint

They say you only are a true fan if you are willing to suffer through your favourite´s god-damn-awful filmography. Bad films happen. To everybody from Dilip Kumar to Akshay Kumar. Sometimes they are not even really that bad, but somehow disappointing and weak. Some of such films of some of my favourite actors to follow.

Jodi Breakers

Directed by: Ashwini Chaudhary

Starring: Madhavan, Bipasha Basu, Omi Vaidya

Released: 2012

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I tried to watch the film before, but turned it off after first 15 or so minutes, but then I told myself I may not want to be as harsh, after all Madhavan is my teddy-bear. Sadly his presence doesn´t save the film, and the character he plays is actually one of the most annoying loosers I´ve seen on screen. Bipasha is way too unbelievable with her innocent act and the two have no chemistry. The film has one of the dumbest twists (and resolves) ever. So he destroys somebody else´s marriage so his ex-wife can get a rich new husband and he gets his car back? Really? And I am supposed to root for this person? And frankly I didn´t see s single reason what would Sid need Sonali as his partner anyway, thus even the basic plot doesn´t really make sense. To top it all Omi Vadiya was completely annoying as a sex God from the high heavens. In one word: lame. Why was Helen in this?

.....

Paa

Directed by: R. Balki

Starring: Amitabh Bachchan, Vidya Balan, Abhishek Bachchan

Released: 2009

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I guess some films are just overrated. After having a shock from rather awkward subtitles narrated for whatever reason by Jaya Bachchan, I was kept waiting .... and waiting for the awesomeness praised by the critics to appear, but it never did. The story deals with a very sad issue of progeria, a rare disease causing the body to age before its time – and that very rapidly. The main character, a twelve years old boy Auro, suffering from the condition, actually has a body of an 80 year old. And what more – he doesn´t have a father. Or rather, doesn´t know him. After all this father did not want a child and only because Auro´s mother refused to go for an abortion and left her partner was the child born. The fate however brings the family together again. Everybody in the film does an OK job. From Abhishek to Amitabh, who did not really understand what age he is trying to act. Instead of a 12 years old his handling of the character made Auro seem like barely 7 years old boy. He did well, don´t get me wrong, but nothing overly impressive. I had the same problem with Sridevi in Sadma, where she is supposed to act like 7 years old, but instead gives an impression of a four-year-old, and that does a hell lot of a difference. Vidya is the best of the lot, but is criminally deprived of deserved screen time by the male protagonists. If anything the movie should have been named Maa, because what I took from the film was really the assurance that love of a mother is above everything.

.....

Bhootnath

Directed by: Vivek B. Sharma

Starring: Amitabh Bachchan, Aman Siddiqui, Juhi Chawla, Shahrukh Khan

Released: 2008

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Not one, but two favourites included – Shahrukh and Juhi – and yet... oh Mr. Sharma this is a perfect example of wasting great acting talent. When you have actors like this you don´t give all the screentime to a kid. Bhootnath is a fine film for children, but far from a great piece of cinema the director presents it till this day.

Shahrukh, the freakingly handsome in his white uniform sea cruise captain moves his wife and son into a new house, not caring everybody says it is haunted. He promptly leaves and his wife invests all her time to attempts to make the new living space more comfortable, while their son soon discovers the house is indeed haunted by a grumpy and dirty old ghost. In no time, they become friends. There are way too many question concerning the ghost (sometimes he can´t touch things, sometimes he can, he apparently eats and can shave and wash..... way too many supernatural powers for one sad soul if you ask me, and pretty much defying everything one would imagine when it comes to ghosts), but I guess children wouldn´t really mind. However the kids should not be too demanding. There is nothing scary or hilarious about the story and the situations shown. See, I don´t even know what else to write. Watch and forget movie.

Dil Bole Hadippa!

Directed by: Anurag Singh

Starring: Shahid Kapoor, Rani Mukherjee, Anupam Kher, Dalip Tahil

Released: 2009

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Veera Kaur is a self proclaimed "world-class cricket batsman, right- and left-handed", for sure the best one for miles around. However as a country girl travelling most of the time with a theater company, she doesn´t really get an opportunity to show her skills. On the other side of the world, in England, there lives Rohan, an accomplished captain of an English cricket team, up until the moment his father calls him back to India, where his own little team has been loosing for years. And even though it´s against a Pakistani team of his friend, he just really wants to win this time. Rohan, of course, leaves everything just to see his daddy gets a victory once in a while, and he becomes the new captain and starts auditions to find the best players.

No clever caption. Just enjoy her beauty.

What a better opportunity for Veera could ever come? However, you see, she is a girl, and as such not even allowed to audition. But taking an inspiration from her theater company, Veera does not give up – she throws away her kohl and bangles and becomes – Veer! Naturally now nobody has any objections against her being in the team. But this triumph has it´s disadvantages for Veera, one of them being forced to use men´s changing room. After being caught by Rohan in her female avatar in there, she quickly pretends to be Veer´s sister. And Rohan, after some arguing and bickering, falls in love with her....

Sometimes you have to forget you´re a woman...

...when you have man´s dreams.

But ouch! The pain of the changing room!

Few more meetings and Veera too falls for the handsome cricketer, trying as hard as she can to keep other girls away, as well as rediscovering the hindustani dil in him, that has been exposed to way too much English influence over the years. It is also easier for her to predict and guess what Rohan´s feelings and thoughts are, since he goes to be adviced to the person he considers Veera´s closest confidant – her brother Veer....

From English cool guy...

...back to the roots!

I am not a fan of sport films. They always show a man/woman who are in a way an outcast and should not be doing the sport or are past their peak, how they challenge everything and in the end overcome everything, make it to the big finale where they either win or loose, but if the latter, it has a deep moral subtext and they always earn more respect than the winner. There are sport films that, even though with the same formula, can step out of the mould (best example is Chak De India), but Dil Bole Hadippa is not one of them. It is quite enjoyable for one watch, but there is not really a repeat value and throughout I just felt something was missing and thus it all was incomplete. Especially once the final match starts, the film seemed boring – which was the exact opposite of what it should be.

Rani was just brilliant and her comic scenes were priceless, she owned the film completely, leaving just very little space for Shahid, who seems rather halfhearted anyway. Especially his emotional outburst upon finding out the truth about Veer being Veera, seemed very much rehearsed. There is one scene where I was willing to forgive all, and that I will definitely cherish always: the little stage show with references to DDLJ, MPK and of course HAHK. This was the first (only?) time I ever saw anyone actually word by word acting the famous HAHK scene, as as delightful as Rani and Shahid were, images from the original films were simply flashing through my mind and I caught myself smiling at them. The film, as every true Yash Raj production, is beautiful visually, very colourful without making your eyes sore, music is forgettable.

Shahid´s take on Shahrukh....

...and Rani´s on Madhuri.

The film failed to make the mark in history of cinema, it didn´t even do too well at the box office, and frankly I can understand why. The many flaws can always be forgiven and forgotten, but for that a movie needs to have a certain complexity, something that touches the heart or makes you think. Dil Bole Hadippa remains an OK one time watch without this quality.

Kurbaan

Directed by: Rensil D'Silva
Starring: Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor, Om Puri, Kirron Kher, Vivek Oberoi, Dia Mirza
Released: 2009 

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Why do I choose to watch and review so many dark films lately? Maybe the annual winter depression is settling in and results in my need to watch some grim films and review other grim films, which give you nothing but grim feelings and eventually some sickening tightness in your stomach area as you watch the actors suffers, bleed, suffer, weep and suffer. Kurbaan is one of these films. Just like „New York“ before it and „My name is Khan“ after it Kurbaan uses the tragedy of the 11th September 2001 as its background and also a point from which the story goes.

Avantika is a college teacher living in Delhi. Young, unattached. Up until the moment a new teacher Ehsaan appears in school and since the first minute is making passes at Avantika in a manner that would earn him a sleazy stalker label in my book. Fortunatelly soon enough he turns all that into coffee breaks and more regular stuff... and ultimately wins his prize when Avantika, her head and heart all messed up, not only gives into the relationship in spite of everything, including knowing him for a short time and religious differences. Because she is a Hindu and he is a Muslim... suspicious yet?

I am a nice guy who wears make up and I shall love you forever.

Avantika used to teach in the US and only returned to India because of her father´s illness, but now her American university is wanting her back. But she is in love, nah? How can she just leave India for her career now that Ehsaan is busy romancing her day and night? And so Ehsaan does a oh-so-noble gesture and declares his love is more important than his job and he is more than willing o relocate to the US with Avantika. They get marry and he thus gets a right to live and work in America..... suspicious yet?

Ehsaan starts teaching at the university, together with Avantika  they find a house in an Indian (mostly Muslim) neighbourhood.... life is perfect, nah? Up until the moment one of the neighbours, Salma, reveals to her that the people around may just not be as peaceful and nice. Her husband does not want her to leave the house. And he has a secret. And Salma asks Avantika to contact a journalist Rihana and ask for help, because she herself cannot do anything.... Avantika is disturbed. Even more so when Salma disappears the very next day... Now pregnant and very much bewildered Avantika is suddenly finding out the horrifying truth. Her neighbours are terrorists. She needs to tell Ehsaan! And so she runs into his arms only to realize he already knows. And what more. He is one of them.... now – which one of you have not seen that coming?

Me and my buddies are literally a mind-blowing gang!

The predictability factor is one of the main weaknesses of Kurbaan. There are too many things and details introduced with an intention for things to look normal, but hey, we are watching a film. We know that 99% things that happen are not unintentional, that almost everything is supposed to be remembered because it is coming to our attention later. The whole plot is of course sickening, just like any kind of terrorism. But there is hardly anything that would surprise you. And considering Saif Ali Khan is the main lead, it comes as no shock that they tried to make him a „likeable terrorist“, who is only a terrorist because he lost his family, and who now loves Avantika, and basically we should feel pity for him. I cannot say I did. True enough there are likeable villains in the reel world that one feels for – from Shahrukh Khan in Baazigar, Amitabh Bachchan in Agneepath to most recently Priyanka Chopra in 7 Khoon Maaf, but the difference between them is that they do not kill hundreds of innocent people. Even a through and through evil character like Don, who doesn´t forgive and is a complete Kamina is more likeable than Ehsaan!That said Saif acted brilliant and looked hot, in spite of wearing a heavy make-up, looking almost girly at times. Overall the performances are really the only thing that keeps Kurbaan above the water and saves it from drowning.

And my eyelashes. Don´t forget my eyelashes.

Kareena may not really look convincing as a university professor, but vulnerability she displays makes her a perfect choice for Avantika. Since the first part of the movie is mostly told through her point of view (her settling in the new neighbourhood and slowly unveiling the secrets had a funny X-files vibe by the way), it makes one sorry that the other half focuses more on Saif and his „friends“ planning an attack while she is mostly just lying in bed and crying. The other couple that impresses with their screen presence and commendable acting are my very much adored Om Puri and not-sure-what-I-feel-for-her Kirron Kher. They are menacing, just one look at them teaches you about respect. And they are so damn good.

All that said the final word that can describe Kurbaan would be „boring“. Except for two or three thrilling sequences (Avantika finding the truth, Rihana on the plane, the climactic chase against the time) the film feels never-endingly long and the snail pace is sure to wear one out soon, especially since there are no changes in the settings, music or anything else that would demand full attention. The terrorists are ultimately evil, their women ultimately innocent and Ehsaan, being a „likeable“ terrorists, is allowed to promptly die with Avantika crying her eyes out before him. And sadly the boring factor of the film is so high it lowers the rating considerably.

Your eye-liner is gone!

No point in living now.