Mardaani

Directed by: Pradeep Sarkar

Starring: Rani Mukherjee, Tahir Raj Bhasin, Priyanka Sharma

Released: 2014

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

After thinking for a long while, I believe that one word which describes Mardaani in my book would be „believable“. Not slick, not bloody genius mystery investigation. There is nothing loud or theatrical, there is no misplaced patriotism to emotionally blackmail you. I am not saying it is completely logical (though I personally cannot think of anything I would question much), but yes, it is veiled in an atmosphere of near plausibility and the setting, the costume, the acting, everything seems familiar, real … simply believable.

The topic the movie chooses to cover – child trafficking and sexual exploitation - is highly disgusting. We are used to see our hero cops sort out the corruption, drug dealers and murderers, but „white meat“ dealing, possibly the worst of all the crimes imaginable, is usually silently avoided. Perhaps to spare the feelings of the audience? Mardaani does not spare us – thankfully. Some of the scenes are uneasy to watch (for example ripping the clothes off the girls, forcing them to pose naked, and then there is the hazy, yet still puke-worthy rape scene), but to give credit while showing some truly ugly stuff it does not dwell on the suffering of the victims, not making THAT into a spectacle.

The center of everything is Rani Mukherjee as a capable police officer, whose abilities nobody doubts, and who is definitely dangerous and strict, but also shown as caring wife and doting aunt. Shivani Shivaji Roy, as she is called in the film, is one of the truly well written characters, and a strong not because she can take on the villain and leave him a crying, bleeding mess at mercy of his victims, but because she is layered and non-formulatic. She feels real, and Rani´s solid performance makes her real. There is only one thing which I still am not in love with - I do not like Rani´s voice and how she works with it. In some of the scenes it sounded almost robotic. Everything else though is impressive and in my book Mardaani becomes one of the best efforts on Rani´s side.

The supporting cast manages to be just as believable. Tahir Raj Basin excels as the chief antagonist, sleazy, bit maniac and yet coldly sane, weeping for his father, with no mercy for anyone outside his closest circle. On the other side of the spectrum stands child-actress Priyanka Sharma as one of the kidnapped girls, breaking your heart with her helplessness. The picture is then completed with police officers and Shivani´s husband, all of whom may only have limited screen time, but even in that short space manage to give you an illusion of being real.

Mardaani is a good film, one of the better ones of 2014. And the best "female-action" one for sure. It has good pace and draws attention to an important, over-looked issue. It does feel a bit like high class TV cop show rather than a silver screen thing, and the end seems almost too abrupt and „too happy“, but you know what? After all the gore and pain, killing off any of the innocents may have been really too much to take. I could have done without the bit of hiring two black guys following the „We need someone who looks like drug dealers“ line though.

Hum Tum

Directed by: Kunal Kohli

Starring: Saif Ali Khan, Rani Mukherjee, Kirron Kher, Rishi Kapoor, Rati Agnihotri

Released: 2004

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

It surprised me greatly how much I enjoyed this film on a second viewing after not being impressed by it the first time around. Usually this isn´t the case, rather you find yourself underwhelmed (or even embarrassed) by something that made you cheer, but watching it yet again ruins the magic, reveals the flaws, until you brush it aside with apologetic smile. I suppose the knowledge of what to expect actually helped the movie in my eyes, because previously I have been looking for something epic and genius (yep, another film over-praised) – and that just isn´t there.

The story is not that complicated so you wouldn´t be able to guess who ends up with whom in first five minutes. As soon as you see flamboyant, free-minded womanizer like Karan (Saif) and serious, sophisticated and elegant Rhea (Rani), you get the drift. They are to hate each other at the beginning and throughout the film he will realize she is not snooty and she will find out he is not useless. And they will fall in love. And you are right. From sight-seeing in Amsterdam, through brief meeting in New York we actually cover several years to find Rhea getting married to Sameer (Abhishek Bachchan in a short cameo), while Karan seems not to have changed at all. And another time shift – a year later: our leads find themselves in Paris. Karan unchanged, Rhea a widow, even quieter, more melancholic and introverted than before.

But indeed they finally find a way to each other, indeed they meet a few obstacles in form of confusion over their own feelings and inability to express them, and indeed they finally walk away from us with arms wrapped around each other. Kunal Kohli in the director´s chair however makes sure to give you a feeling of good cinema, and not just another mediocre fest. It is all about the presentation, the form – and actors, who all give a beautiful performance, although that changes nothing in Saif winning a National award for the film being a ridiculous turn of events. Rani looks utterly beautiful and her outfits are all stunning from wedding attire to a pink saree she´s wearing near the end.

I was extremely delighted to see Rati Agnihotri (as Saif´s unreasonably young mother – there is only 10 years between them, but oh well, it´s Bollywood aka Sexistville), even more so since she did have some very nice scenes, and I was even happier when Rishi Kapoor appeared (as Saif´s father), and actually squeeled when he and Rati shared a frame for a few moments. Kirron Kher pulls off yet another loving and funny mum, not failing to charm. Her whacky, loud Maa characters can certainly get tiring, but if you manage to keep her films apart and don´t watch them too soon one after another, it does strike the right chord.

So – why wasn´t I smitten the first time I watched Hum Tum? I expected seriously too much. As nice as the film is, it is no incredible piece of art or iconic romance. It doesn´t really stand out from the crowd, even though it belong to the better part of it. It is rather slow, and at times it drags. Saif doesn´t look his best. And the animated bits with two positively evil looking adolescents/children (?) are annoying and uttering some of the most clichéd dialogues. They are supposedly trying to tell us in what stage the relationship between Karan and Rhea is, but in fact they come off as completely unrelated. And not funny. And in the end they are two animated children. Who „fall in love“ with each other. Eww. Perhaps the animated little devils could have been growing up throughout the film? 

Talaash

Directed by: Reema Kagti

Starring: Aamir Khan, Kareena Kapoor, Rani Mukherjee, Nawazuddin Siddiqui

Released: 2012

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

There couldn´t be a better title for this film, because it is indeed primarily a movie about searching, where every character is on a lookout for something else. Ad to it that the full titles is „Talaash – the answer lies within“ - and wah! Rarely you stumble upon a title summing up the movie as perfectly, yet not revealing anything, just capturing attention. And the movie itself proves to be just as captivating. Before I go on, talking about the story and such, better be warned: if you have not seen the movie yet, and actually want to enjoy it, stop right here. I know what I´m talking about. This is one movie, that spoilers not only „spoil“, but extremely take away from an impact that the movie has a potential to make otherwise. I was, unfortunately, not lucky, and knew beforehand what the twist was. Talaash still made for an engaging and even thrilling watch. But I can just imagine how much more I would be taken by it if it wasn´t for some people who enjoy spoiling fun for everybody else.

"Who posted the spoilers on Twitter?"

 

In the dead of a night a fast speeding car, just like that and seemingly entirely without reason it takes a sudden turn and crashes into the sea. The driver, a famous actor, drowns. And so police inspector Surjan starts his search – for the reason of the tragedy, because nothing indicates a sabotage neither a suicide. The case doesn´t seem to have a satisfactory explanation, and the more police knows, the more mysterious and tangled it all looks. Surjan spends his days and nights at work. Not only he is driven by desire to solve the thing, but he is also trying to escape his own personal pain. He has lost his 8 years old son in a tragic accident some time ago. His shattered wife is only slowly trying to recollect her life. Her search is for the lost understanding with her husband. 

 

Surjan´s investigation brings him into the red light district of Mumbai, where he meets Rosy, a prostitute, who gives him some truly invaluable information. And more. Her presence seems to calm his nerves. He cannot talk to his wife, but he feels free to do so with Rosy. With her, he can finally rest for a few moments, without nightmares. Even Rosy is in search of something. She is searching – for justice, a revenge for her own death...

Spooky! That Talaash is a ghost film becomes apparent quite some time before Surjan himself realizes the truth behind Rosy, her tales of a lost prostitute three years ago and also a „special place“ she leads him to. Ad to it communicating with dead son through a medium, and you could almost classify the film as a horror. But the supernatural is not really the core of the film, neither is police investigation, nor are small episodes of side characters, who are also searching – pimps for wealth, prostitutes for freedom, and a crippled crook for a decent life of the woman he loves. Ultimately Talaash is a human tragedy and coping with the greatest loss a parent can bear. Whatever Surjan goes through, every person he meets, all that is slowly leading him to forgive himself and breathe freely again in the end. His search is for inner peace.

"And for that T-shirt. I love that T-shirt."

Talaash is not the best film of the last year, but it could be ranked among top 10. The concept is not entirely new overall, but it is new for Bollywood. It is different and well made. Performances are very good from everybody. There is both subtlety and realism to all of them. The film has three major stars, but none of their auras and personalities overshadows the film, making it a background to their own shine. If anyone around you is in search for a don´t-leave-your-brain-at-home film, Talaash might be what they are looking for.

Aiyyaa

Directed by: Sachin Kundalkar

Starring: Rani Mukherjee, Prithviraj

Released: 2012

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Promos were mostly fun and reviews atrocious. I had been looking forward to Aiyyaa, but after reading reactions randomly appearing on forums and blogs, my expectations for the movie went really low. Partly because of that, partly because my original willingness to like it and partly of course because I am a source of unpopular opinions – I ended up far from hating it. Aiyyaa is not the fun the promos promised and the treatment of the story is kinda all over the place, but ultimately it is an OK one time watch. If you are not watching with family and like Rani Mukherjee.

Meenakshi is an ordinary girl from a somehow crazy and over the top family who is trying to wed her off at the soonest. While the prospective grooms come and go, Meenakshi is trying to set up her own life by taking up a job as a librarian at art college. She falls in love with a student and surprisingly not because he has the face and body of the souther superstar Prithviraj, but because he just smells like heaven. She keeps following him and asking about him, while he seems completely oblivious. Meanwhile her family finds a suitable groom and fixes her engagement, and poor Meenakshi doesn´t know what to do, especially because her Mr. Good-smelling has a really bad reputation.

First problem there is – who is Meenakshi? She is introduced to us as a young woman who is supposed to be wild, carefree and aspiring a film star. But ten minutes into the film and you realize she is none of that. Her „filmstar“ dream is never mentioned again and her slipping into daydreaming and imagining herself as a famous heroine (which gives us the best ten minutes of the film – Rani enacting some famous songs by Madhuri, Sridevi and Juhi was real fun) has no importance in the story either. The scene with Meenakshi trying to buy drugs, because she thinks that is what makes Prithviraj smell so good, was not only completely needless, but did not make any sense. An educated computer professional she is supposed to be would certainly know something about drugs and would hardly go buy it with a big smile and loose change in her hands. There are more similarly useless moment in the film, for example when Meenakshi runs away from her fiancé´s house – it is never mentioned again and we do not even get to see what effect it had. At times it feels the script writer had something in mind, started to write, but then decided to to progress, but at the same time felt sorry for what was already written so it stayed in the film.

Supporting cast does a good job. Sure, Meenakshi´s whole family is mad, alright, and so is her co-worker in the library. I did not find them annoying but definitely could see why others might. As a person who prefers Madhavan over Hrithik Roshan I preferred the character of Madhav to character played by Prithviraj, and actually caught myself hoping Meenakshi would marry Madhav and Prithviraj´s character Surya would indeed prove to be an eccentric junkie, but I guess that´s just me.

Aiyyaa could have easily been a cute family film, or at least a kind of romantic comedy, but it ends up being all over the place. And in the end you realize hardly anything happened during the film. It is difficult to finish it at one go, I had to make several breaks. All in all I did not really mind the film, even enjoyed the first hour quite a bit, unfortunately right after the infamous Dreamum Wakeupum song it went all downhill. 

Apart from the lavani number Sava Dollar which introduces Meenakshi to the viewer right at the beginning of the film, all of the songs made me feel awkward and happy that I was watching the film alone. Rani is in my opinion one of the most underrated dancers and I love her energy, but choreography and picturization of the songs in Aiyyaa is just screaming „vulgar“, bordering at moments on the verge of becoming soft porn. While I understand Meenakshi was a young and healthy woman with normal female fantasies.... I was left with a feeling I did not want to see her fantasies on my screen, no matter how well she dances or sexy she looks (which she did). The song picturized on Meenakshi´s brother and co-worker is downright unwatchable.

The film stands on Rani, and she is the best thing about it. She nails the role perfectly, her expressions and dialogue delivery are superb. As mentioned already, she dances great (but oh... well....) and looks beautiful. At the same time a role like this is a piece of cake for her, and while she has nothing more to prove as far as her acting talent is concerned, one still feels kinda cheated, especially because the film is so clumsily written and executed. It is on the „dark“ side, but not the worst of the year for sure, even though I say while writing this review I realized several things that I managed to blissfully ignore while watching.

Chalte Chalte

Directed by: Aziz Mirza

Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Rani Mukherjee

Released: 2003

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Sometimes I am simply in need to see something with Shahrukh Khan, no matter what it is, no matter what bad things I´ve heard about it. There was nothing particularly bad (or good for the matter) that I´ve heard about Chalte Chalte, and people hardly ever mention it, if they are not talking about the infamous Aishwarya bussiness. After seeing the film I know why. Because there is really not anything that would 1. stay in mind 2. make one go gaga (except for several shirtless SRK scenes) 3. irritate you.

Raj and Priya are both extremely attractive people from two completely different social classes, with different views of the world, life and just about everything, so they naturally fall in love. They get married after just several days. And then they realize it may not have been the best idea, as they keep fighting each other everyday over most trivial matters. They go from heartbreak to heartbreak only to realize love conquers all in the end. That´s it.

SRK hota hai.... to pyaar hota hai.

If it aims to be a love story, then the plot fails, even though the first twenty minutes are pure romance with all the naivity and fluff of Bollywood films, including infatuation at first sight, singing  instead of talking and also washing cows in the country. But as the film progresses one can see that the romancing at the beginning was just an excuse for showing us the story of man´s ego and pride. And the portrayal of it, with all the sudden ups and downs of Raj´s mood and nearly violent outbursts of anger is very real (I know some people who are exactly like that). Unfortunately the role and the film had nothing to really offer to SHAHRUKH KHAN, and Rani is even more wasted. They are both absolutely terrific actors, but here the script lets them both down - and most of the time Rani was on screen I kept imagining Aishwarya in her place, because ironically her more OTT acting and more OTT crying just might have, in the result, have greater impact. Serious lack of chemistry between the two characters doesn´t really help to save the day. And when the end comes, you cannot detect any change at all - neither in Priya nor in Raj, and one has to ask why did you have to endure this whole teary/screamy journey if it is, most likely, going to repeat again.... and again..... and again......

Welcome my bride! I have just killed the last bug in out new appartment.

There is another irony as both Shahrukh and Rani had previously done films dealing with basically the same issue – marital problems. Rani did Saathiya and Shahrukh Hum Tumhare Hain Sanam, which both had their share of success. Chalte Chalte is more polished (and technically more relevant) HTHS and slightly more mature version of Saathiya. Which leaves you with another problem. You have seen this before. And with the same actors. And as it happens just one year before.

There were little thing I loved though. First is the memorable scene of Priya coming for the first time into Raj´s appartment as a bride. The way how he quickly improvizes to finish all the rituals was absolutely sweet and well done - and Priya´s expression as she looks around and sees all the guy´s mess make you honestly laugh. This is also probably the first film where I did not see Johnny Lever being the fun part of the movie. On the contrary - it was almost painful to watch him, and I must say he was incredibly convincing and I wanted to know more about him and his character then about the whole main plot!

Johnny Lever steals the show?

But I tried so hard.

When it comes to music, again - nothing makes you excited and nothing makes you roll eyes. It is "normal", if you get the meaning. And "normal" is the whole film. I wouldn´t recommend it to a person who is not in love with either Rani or Shahrukh, and even though I love them both, it is not a film I would need to see twice.

Dil Bole Hadippa!

Directed by: Anurag Singh

Starring: Shahid Kapoor, Rani Mukherjee, Anupam Kher, Dalip Tahil

Released: 2009

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Veera Kaur is a self proclaimed "world-class cricket batsman, right- and left-handed", for sure the best one for miles around. However as a country girl travelling most of the time with a theater company, she doesn´t really get an opportunity to show her skills. On the other side of the world, in England, there lives Rohan, an accomplished captain of an English cricket team, up until the moment his father calls him back to India, where his own little team has been loosing for years. And even though it´s against a Pakistani team of his friend, he just really wants to win this time. Rohan, of course, leaves everything just to see his daddy gets a victory once in a while, and he becomes the new captain and starts auditions to find the best players.

No clever caption. Just enjoy her beauty.

What a better opportunity for Veera could ever come? However, you see, she is a girl, and as such not even allowed to audition. But taking an inspiration from her theater company, Veera does not give up – she throws away her kohl and bangles and becomes – Veer! Naturally now nobody has any objections against her being in the team. But this triumph has it´s disadvantages for Veera, one of them being forced to use men´s changing room. After being caught by Rohan in her female avatar in there, she quickly pretends to be Veer´s sister. And Rohan, after some arguing and bickering, falls in love with her....

Sometimes you have to forget you´re a woman...

...when you have man´s dreams.

But ouch! The pain of the changing room!

Few more meetings and Veera too falls for the handsome cricketer, trying as hard as she can to keep other girls away, as well as rediscovering the hindustani dil in him, that has been exposed to way too much English influence over the years. It is also easier for her to predict and guess what Rohan´s feelings and thoughts are, since he goes to be adviced to the person he considers Veera´s closest confidant – her brother Veer....

From English cool guy...

...back to the roots!

I am not a fan of sport films. They always show a man/woman who are in a way an outcast and should not be doing the sport or are past their peak, how they challenge everything and in the end overcome everything, make it to the big finale where they either win or loose, but if the latter, it has a deep moral subtext and they always earn more respect than the winner. There are sport films that, even though with the same formula, can step out of the mould (best example is Chak De India), but Dil Bole Hadippa is not one of them. It is quite enjoyable for one watch, but there is not really a repeat value and throughout I just felt something was missing and thus it all was incomplete. Especially once the final match starts, the film seemed boring – which was the exact opposite of what it should be.

Rani was just brilliant and her comic scenes were priceless, she owned the film completely, leaving just very little space for Shahid, who seems rather halfhearted anyway. Especially his emotional outburst upon finding out the truth about Veer being Veera, seemed very much rehearsed. There is one scene where I was willing to forgive all, and that I will definitely cherish always: the little stage show with references to DDLJ, MPK and of course HAHK. This was the first (only?) time I ever saw anyone actually word by word acting the famous HAHK scene, as as delightful as Rani and Shahid were, images from the original films were simply flashing through my mind and I caught myself smiling at them. The film, as every true Yash Raj production, is beautiful visually, very colourful without making your eyes sore, music is forgettable.

Shahid´s take on Shahrukh....

...and Rani´s on Madhuri.

The film failed to make the mark in history of cinema, it didn´t even do too well at the box office, and frankly I can understand why. The many flaws can always be forgiven and forgotten, but for that a movie needs to have a certain complexity, something that touches the heart or makes you think. Dil Bole Hadippa remains an OK one time watch without this quality.

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna

Directed by: Karan Johar

Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Rani Mukherjee, Abhishek Bachchan, Preity Zinta, Amitabh Bachchan, Kirron Kher

Released: 2006

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I will never really understand where did my courage to watch Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna come from. Till this day I have not been able to overcome the outrage and hate that both have come over me after watching Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Ghum, which I consider the worst film I´ve ever seen. I guess it was only my devotion to Shahrukh Khan and my wish to know his complete body of work, combined with being naturally curious what is all the fuss about, that made me watch KANK. After 15 minutes I already knew I was going to suffer.

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna is basically a story about two people whose personalities suck big time and that not as much because of the circumstances but because they choose to. Shahrukh as Dev is an arrogant, selfish and most of all self-pitying brat with no respect whatsoever. Once he was a famous football player but after being hit by a car his career was over and he is limping ever since. Sure, something like that could make anyone deeply depressed, but Dev, rather than trying to move on and be useful, decides to sulk for years, blaming the whole world and mentally terrorizing his little son (I was just waiting for the kid to be hospitalized as mentally unstable and crippled for life). I don´t think I ever disliked any Shahrukh´s character as much. Even when he played an evil person like in Anjaam or Don, there was something you could admire or at least appreciate (even though what they do is wrong). But Dev is just a disgusting piece of existence, giving nothing to anyone, being jealous of his wife´s (Preity) success and destroying every moment of peace for everybody around. I am no fan of perfectly flawless characters , I like it when they are human with flaws, but there is limit to everything. Maybe it was my utter dislike for the character, but either not even Shahrukh´s acting could have make me like Dev or even Shahrukh was just bad in this. Based on my opinion that except for My Name Is Khan Karan Johar has always managed to bring out the worst out of him, I sadly tend to believe the second option.

Herodes could learn how to treat kids from Dev....

Rani as Maya is not an inspiring person either. Also wallowing in self-pity she is pushing away any chance of being happy with her husband Rishi (Abhishek). The film tried to present her as being oh so poor a soul because she does not feel romantic love for Rishi, but I only wanted to scream at her for being such a life-ruiner. Rishi is a husband of dreams really. He copes up with everything she does or says without a complaint. He is incredibly giving. And she apparently doesn´t give a damn. In this sense she is same as Dev. They both obviously LOVE being miserable and they LOVE to blame others for it. HOW in the world am I supposed to be their fan or even feel for them? Impossible!

Let´s just behave like a total ass so I can embarass my partner and pity myself even more.

In a very apparent plot twist these two fall in love and start having a secret affair consisting mainly of getting drenched in the rain and singing songs in imaginary sorrounding Karan Johar style. Up until of course they are caught..... and they separate.... and they are oh so noble now and want to save their marriages.... and they end up together of course after one of the most teary, excruciating and longest climaxes ever. By that point I was already skipping whole minutes, completely worn out by all that crap I had managed to sit through. I was not interested AT ALL in what Dev and Maya were through.

One of the greatest sore spots in the film also remains Amitabh Bachchan in his possibly most cringe worthy role ever – Sexy Sam – out of whose hangover he is suffering till this day. Instead of cool he was sleazy and his part in the story was completely unnecessary. I guess his parts of the film were supposed to be mostly fun, but this intention fails completely.

Hi! I´m Sexy Sam. Embarassment of the decade.

The saving graces are performances by Preity Zinta and Abhishek Bachchan. In other circumstances I would always choose Rani and Shahrukh over them, but not here. Theirs were the bits I enjoyed and the best scene of them all has to be Preity slapping Shahrukh after finding out the truth.

KANK fails. In basically every department. I am nobody to preach about fidelity between husband and wife (though yeah, I believe in the concept) and I can see why many marriages fail. I am not saying two people HAVE TO live with each other if they are so very unhappy. However the way infidelity is presented in this movie makes it all seem actually right and legit. There are other films that deal with the same issue and yet they manage to show all the involved people as likeable humans with reasons of their own, like Yash Chopra´s Silsila or most recently Imtiaz Ali´s Rockstar, but Karan Johar, skilled with pouring glycerine but completely clueless about real feelings makes it all one great mess where you hate the hero, you hate the heroine and you hate their love story. And you definitely hate Sexy Sam.

Quickies I.

Just quick takes on several different films.....

FASHION

Directed by: Madhur Bhandarkar
Starring: Priyanka Chopra, Kangana Ranaut, Arbaaz Khan
Released: 2008

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

This did not look like a Bollywood movie at all..... and it works great, though I must admit it´s not a film I would like to watch again, definitely not the whole thing at one time. Priyanka was brilliant, especially in the second part, looked absolutely fabulous, but I must admit I was even more smitten by Kangana´s performance as Shonali. This was the film that made me love her - and then the love was taken away by Tanu weds Manu and Game.... but here the magic still prevails. As far as her performance goes it was THE EXPERIENCE for me. The movie was really a girl´s show from the beggining to end, though Arbaaz deserves a mention. Sometimes it happens to me, that the three hours, which a is a regular time for Bollywood movies, are just tooooooo damn long. I did not have this feeling during this movie.

It was nice to see Konkona and Ranvir, whom both I love, but let´s face it: that scene was simply good for nothing, because it was not related to the story in any way, hence it didn´t really work even as a special appearance. Music was nice, but nothing much to talk about. No songs. In this particular case thank God for that.

Now I need to go and watch Hum Aapke Hain Koun to get me out of depression. Joote Do Paise Lo.....!!!!!!
----------

WAKE UP SID

Directed by Ayan Mukerji
Starring: Ranbir Kapoor, Konkona Sen Sharma, Anupam Kher
Released: 2009

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I had no idea what the plot is, all I knew it has Koko and Ranbir. And they were both just great in this nice, slow and charming movie!!! I thoroughly enjoyed the beggining, because Sid had the same illness as me - procrastination!!!! Pity his friends kinda disappeared after first 30 minutes, but in the end they were really not too important for the story. I really liked the plot - no dramatic over the top situations, just simple tale of a man finally growing up...... and for once the growth of love was understandable, enjoyable and BELIEVABLE!!!

As I already said, Ranbir was great. I love the guy! And Koko is brilliant. I would so love to see her in more movies. She does not have a nice profile, but otherwise she is IMO much more gorgeous then Katrina or Sonam. And her talent is unquestionable.

Very enjoyable movie, that slows down a bit in the second half. The word I would describe it would be "refreshing".
----------

TAAL

Directed by: Subhash Ghai
Starring: Aishwariya Rai, Akshaye Khanna, Anil Kapoor
Released: 1999

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Movie that is anything but exciting. Full of half-baked characters, out of whom only Anil had something that would interest you. But there are definitely some plus poits. One was Aishwarya - I don´t know whatever has happened to her nowdays, but she used to be so adorable! I mean - she was so very natural in this film, it was sheer pleasure to watch her. I´m also a fan of her simple look without much make-up and jewellery, so this worked as well. She danced BEAUTIFULLY. Another plus point was Anil - his acting was a highlight. And then there is BEAUTIFUL title song that is absolutely magical. I loved the picturization as well. In fact the whole soundtrack of Taal can be definitely labeled as one of the best Rahman´s albums. Pity not all the voices used suited Aishwariya...

I was SHOCKED to see Amrish Puri was not a bad guy!!! That is something that just isn´t right...

And I will never understand why Bollywood heroines so often love the most impossible jerks. Akshaye´s character was purely annoying to me (and mind you, I adore Akshaye!). He was just too sure of himself!!! And then he gave away the finale halfway through the film!!! "You will send her to me, she will come out of her own decision...." blah blah blah..... And then to ensure his success in the end he decides to use a CUTE DOG as a weapon!!!! Now that is EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILING!!!!

----------

MOHRA

Directed by: Rajiv Rai
Starring: Akshay Kumar, Raveena Tandon, Naseeruddin Shah, Suniel Shetty
Released: 1994

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

The greatest strengh of this movie is the plot no doubt. And it is also (together with the somehow psychotic Naseeruddin Shah) the only saving grace. The first hour was somehow boring and full of WTF (the jail was WTF for sure. No police anywhere in sight, prisoners roaming wherever they wanted to....). I never thought much about Akshay as an actor (thought he looked YUMMY here, never liked him anywhere else), and Raveena too was average. The second part of the film is definitely thrilling and has some good moments, but somehow I have overgrown the totally totally evil evil guys and totally totally good good police officers. Once again the twists in the story were great and unexpected. What I hated was the stolen melody - this time from Jesus Christ Superstar.
----------

BAABUL

Directed by: Ravi Chopra
Starring: Rani Mukherjee, Amitabh Bachchan, Salman Khan, John Abraham, Hema Malini
Released: 2006

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

The first 90 minutes were like watching Hum Aapke Hain Koun 2 (except Salman did not look cute, more like silly this time) - all was there from warm family relationships, celebratory songs, wedding, pregnancy......... but the magic of HAHK was not present at all. The second part was nothing but boring and the ending was a bit too quick a bit naive - and also ended up on HAHK note. I really liked Rani though, she was awesome and very believable and also Amitabh gave a good performance. The scenes between him and Rani are the highlits and it is interesting to note that Rani had more chemistry with him then with Salman or John. Those two are easily overshadowed by Rani and Big B. Om Puri and Hema Malini whose characters were IMO quite essential to the story, were unnecceserilly and unforgivably sidelined.

Only worth watching for Rani and her interaction with Amitabh.

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham

Directed by: Karan Johar

Starring: Amitabh Bachchan, Jaya Bachchan, Shahrukh Khan, Kajol, Hrithik Roshan, Kareena Kapoor

Released: 2001

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

„Not-at-all-dear Karan Johar,

I hate you with passion. Because what you do is that you thrust your greedy hand into people´s chest, you rip their hearts out and then you dance tango over them in tapping shoes. You want them to cry. You want them to cry a LOT. You don´t want to give them anything. You only want to take. While your venture with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was watchable and Kal Ho Naa Ho quite fun thanks to Saif Ali Khan, your atrocious Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham is the best example of a commercial crap that forces out tears, tears and more tears under a pretext of being a film about family values.

Worst regards

Not-ever-yours Hater.“

I have seen films that bored me to death. I have seen films that made me angry with sheer stupidity. I have seen films that left me utterly confused. K3G 1.) bored me to death 2.) made me angry with sheer stupidity 3.) left me utterly confused PLUS 4.) made me hate Karan Johar and Jaya Bachchan. Why did I watch it then? Because it sadly is one of the most famous films of the past decade and even more sadly it is hugely popular. I can positively say that the films I´ve seen so far and hated had at least one redeeming quality to them. But this has NOTHING, nothing at ALL!!! The story itself is not bad, though not the most exciting or original ever (that wouldn´t bother me one bit). The script though is TERRIBLE, performances bellow average at their best and direction shows a lazy approach with one aim only – to make a hit film. Not a film for someone. Film for money! That is what makes Karan Johar stand out among other directors. His unashamed hunger for commercial success. And he will use anything to get it. I don´t even know where to start with all the bashing of this waste of celluloid!

Amitabh Bachchan plays an elderly father of a family, that consists of his wife (Jaya Bachchan) and two sons, adopted Rahul (yeah yeah.... Shahrukh and who else. They run out of names for him a long time ago) and their own Rohan (some fat kiddo, then Hrithik Roshan). They are a PERFECT family. And I mean PERFECT (aka they have larger than life photos of themselves everywhere, including one really freaky family portrait). They love each other, they celebrate Diwalis in STYLE and they are DISGUSTINGLY rich. Their house was apparently imported from England and used to be a castle. They don´t usually use cars (those are apparently for poor), they prefer helicopters, and they have a garden of a size of central China. But then Rahul falls in love with a poor girl Anjali (Kajol). BOOM BOOM BOOM!!! Thunder strikes and it signifies Amitabh Bachchan is not amused. After Rahul hears out some abuses on the adress of a girl he loves, he does what every perfect son would – he begs on his knees for forgiveness. But duh! Anjali just lost her father. And so instead of dumping her Rahul marries her. BOOM BOOM BOOM!!! Amitabh Bachchan is like seriously pissed. So he says that from now on Rahul should get out. And Rahul goes. And because obviously India is way too small, he settles down in London. There his wife gets birth to a son and next ten years spends with xenophobic ranting against everything even remotely English. With them lives also Anjali´s younger sister Pooja (Kareena Kapoor), who grows up into a Paris Hilton-ish airhead and with her equally stupid friends rules the college. But then her heart is stricken with love as soon as a MUSCULAR guy gets out of his fancy red car. YEAH! Rohan, Rahul´s younger brother, lost the baby fat (but he still cannot do his shoe-laces) and now he set out to unite his family. And the best way to do so is to pretend you are a complete stranger and sneak into Rahul´s home. Wah Wah. Kya planning hai! By this time I was really thinking about killing myself and only finished the film because I found fascinating how BAD it actually was.

Absolutely typical Indian home.

Karan Johar says that „It is all about loving your parents“, but the film says that it is all about endless whining, weeping, sobbing, crying and being miserable. They are still talking about how they love each other, but NOBODY does ANYTHING to show that love. No. They prefer to call you a disgrace (Amitabh), sulk in London for ten years (Shahrukh), emotionally blackmail everyone (Hrithik) or bulging eyes while silently crying (Jaya). There is absolutely no love going on on the screen. You cannot feel any emotions. All the actors are like in their own vacuum, where they act, and they just happen to be in one frame together. There is nothing that could be called an interaction. Amitabh is highly unlikable as a stubborn aging father who loves his authority more then his family. Jaya Bachchan getting an award for looking retarded most of the time is an insult. Shahrukh Khan is looking unforgivably sexy, but is so clean and sweet and perfect that even he was a sore to look at after all that whining! Kajol, whom I finally started to like more then just tolerating her presence on screen, is made to behave like a drunken twit (I shall never forgive Karan for this). And since I am among the minority who does not really see what is THAT special about them, their jodi does not save anything for me. Rani is decent and wasted and forgettable. Hrithik is a goody goody with muscles and that´s where it ends. Kareena had no importance in the story at all.

Music, except for two songs, is very average. And there is one more thing about Karan Johar´s films: the main theme shall repeat again...and again.... and again..... until you feel like kicking into something every time it appears. I had the same problem with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai main theme. And when they inserted it into this film too, it just couldn´t get any worse.... I usually don´t mind mentions of other films and such, but here Karan was celebrating his own film, and that is cringeworthy to say the least. The visuals are terrible. When Yash Chopra makes an imaginary, utopistic clean world for his characters to live in, it is all just a background for feelings and there is honesty in his films. Karan Johar overwhelms you (and makes you practically sick) with the sheer opulence, that is kind of falling on you and you suffocate under it. The visuals are MEANT to overwhelm you. They are not a part of the story at all (as it is the case with Bhansali´s films). They are simply there and make you uneasy. And when a choir of English kids starts singing Indian anthemn, the patriotism is so forced down your throat it´s hard not to be almost physically sick. And just in case you are not moved enough, they will show you a disabled girl smiling happily during that.

Not moving, not appealing, not honest, not even cheesy. A cringeworthy documentary on „How to weep annoyingly and steadily“.

Weeping.

Weeping.

Weeping.

Weeping.

Weeping.

Weeping.

"Can we stop weeping now, please?"