Prem Ratan Dhan Payo

Directed by: Sooraj Barjatya

Starring: Salman Khan, Sonam Kapoor, Anupam Kher, Neil Nitin Mukesh

Released: 2015

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I like certain level of predictable in life and Rajshri films, especially those directed by Sooraj Barjatya, have quite lots of it. You can always count on a film about a big family which upholds traditions, bursts into a song every five minutes and there is no shortage of earnestness so melodramatic it is hardly seen in normal life. The plot is paper thin, but who watches this director´s movie for plot and conflict? We watch for the unearthly sweetness, for parampara, for colourful songs and attractive people in them. Does Prem Ratan Dhan Payo live up to the standards set up (and never scaled) by Hum Aapke Hain Koun? Not quite, though it does try its best and even contains several things I never would have expected.

The unexpected thing no. 1: The raja who could not keep it in his pants. The family this time has fewer members than we are used to (only 4!) and they are not in loving unison at all. The reason? They are all children of a certain raja, but they do not have the same mother. They don´t even have two same mothers. They have three, one of whom was not even a legally wedded wife. When she is driven out of the palace with her two daughters, those daughters logically carry a strong grudge. Then there is Neil Nitin Mukesh in the most pathetic and ridiculous mode I´ve ever seen him in (and he is rarely great to begin with) as a younger brother, who hates his older brother because evil secretary has sabotaged everything he had ever asked for while posing as a faithful servant. Considering every request could be granted by simply asking personally, this seems like a very flimsy excuse for a raging hate, that leads to repeated attempts at murder. Then again I suppose a guy who thought that building a shiny mirror palace for his children will solve every problem was probably destined to fail at raising his kids from the start.

The unexpected thing no. 2: Actual murder! Not accidental death or passing because of old age. We get a murder and even a shot of a hanging body. Graphic? No, not by any filmi means. Unexpected in a movie like this? Hell yeah. Other than this, however, the evil plotline is completely ridiculous, simply because Sooraj Barjatya is great at presenting samdhis humming to a joyful melody, but sucks at creating tension and a more complex conflict. All the bad guys are also responsible for 90% of bad acting in the movie.

Neil himself represents 70% of that.

The unexpected thing no. 3: Sonam Kapoor. As Princess Maithili she is among the lot of more or less demure, obedient Barjatya heroines, fortunately the curse of “cabbage personality” has missed her. In fact she may be my favourite female Barjatya character after Nisha-ji from HAHK. From capably running a charity organization to openly longing some gentle physical love, she is a person with life clearly reaching beyond the palace walls and making rotis. Thus it seems even more unfair that the ultimate decision to follow her heart is snatched away from her, no matter how happy the ending. Sonam manages to be delightfully demure and without trying to be spunky and bubbly (death for a young actress). Her somehow theatrical acting has a grateful background in the all but realistic universe of Prem Ratan Dhan Payo. She is good.

The unexpected thing no. 4: Sonam and Salman are not an awful jodi. Be it because of filters on Salman´s face or whatever, the twenty years between them are still awkward, but on the screen they looked good. Salman himself, so bulky and muscly his neck looks just weird and you can´t dispute that, carries the movie forward, mostly devoid of stupid one liners and threatening poses, that had made him a caricature more than an actor in the past few years. His performance doesn´t shake the ground (except that one time in the mirror palace, literally), but counts among his better ones in this millenium.

The unexpected thing no. 5: I enjoyed it. More than I had thought I would, and in spite of everything cheezy and silly that occasionally made me face-palm. Even in spite of Anupam Kher, repetitive in his 1885^th role of paternal figure, that cannot be distinguished from others. Even despite the fact that we spent ten minutes on a really weird football song while more interesting things were apparently happening elsewhere. Prem Ratan Dhan Payo is an easy watch, and a pleasant one too if you are in the right state of mind. Most of the songs merely pass you by, but the title track is catchy enough to get stuck in your head. I know what I´m talking about. I´ve been singing and humming it since Friday....

Please get the song out of my head bhaiya!

Chandni

Directed by: Yash Chopra

Starring: Rishi Kapoor, Sridevi, Vinod Khanna, Waheeda Rehman, Anupam Kher

Released: 1989

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Chandni is iconic. No doubt about that. Even if only for introducing the myth of Yash Chopra´s „eternal woman in white“. Myth, because after Chandni, she hardly appears in any other of his films. Yet so deep is the image of Sridevi dancing an enticing tandav engrained in all our minds, that we accept her as something definite. Yash Chopra´s „woman in white“ has always been adn always will be Sridevi in Chandni, and no one else. However much like another film that set certain standards - Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge - Chandni too is a movie that has its own problems, and though iconic, it ain´t untouchable. So let´s touch it today, with some delicacy and some less delicacy as well.

Rishi Kapoor plays an obnoxious rich dude who employs all the annoying, forceful ways of getting closer to a girl he likes, and pretty much gives her no choice in matter of loving him back. When life turns tables on him and does not go the way he planned it to, he falls into depression, gives up completely, and slips into a hardcore self-pity mode. In short he is a douche. Sridevi plays beautiful, annoying in her childish mode, touching in her serious mode, Chandni, who likes to dance in the rain and is... well... beautiful. That truly seems the most prominent feature that Yash Chopra chose to endorse in his heroine that time. Sridevi with her thick mane of hair, long limbs, shy smiles and of course those huge eyes looked like a fairy-tale come true. The first half is cruel to her character though, as she is merely dragged along by Rishi and his family. But Chandni also manages to pick up the pieces of her shattered heart and make a new life for herself, complete with a successful career job and a new man who falls in love with her.

Enter grief-stricken Vinod Khanna, whose mother Waheeda Rehman is probably closer to him in age than his first pyaar Juhi Chawla, who appears in a small but sweet cameo. He is all that Rishi Kapoor (in this film) is not. Thorough gentleman, principled, going after his desires but not forcing himself where he is not wanted. So naturally he does not get the girl in the end, because Rishi suddenly decides he wants Chandni back – and much like in the beginning he blackmails her into a renewed relationship. Sigh. I was ready for Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam after this, to heal my aching soul. The score of the film did its share of healing too, for if there is something worth going back to, it´s the music – yes, including the out-of-tune Sridevi parts of „Oh meri Chandni“. The already mentioned wild tandav in nature is stunning and „Tere Mere Hoton Pe“ remains possibly my favourite track ever picturized on Sridevi. Chandni is also, quite possibly, the last film in which I was ready to accept Rishi Kapoor as a romantic hero. No matter what problems the characters displayed, all the actors did a good job with their roles, even if Anupam Kher going around and mouthing tutotial on life and love was boring. Again, I much prefered his meddling in Lamhe than here.

Did I mention these two get their own Switzerland song?

Chandni is one of the best known Yash Chopra films, and was one of his most successful ventures, however compared to let´s say Lamhe it lags behind, as a nice, but all in all average film. It is a notch better than Kabhi Kabhie though, being more tight in screenplay and not bothering about too many characters. Furthermore in spite of the obnoxious boyfriend (hell he even tricks the girl into getting drunk in pursuit of bodily pleasures), Chandni must have been a revelation at the time when action masalla had its boom. It aimed for simplicity and lots, lots of romance, on which it delivered (though there is still the question of the douche who initiates it all. And the whole Switzerland bit was unneccessary.). I have given up on Yash Chopra films being great in terms of script, rather it is best to simply let go and try and enjoy the atmosphere he managed to create. With this film he succeeded in conjuring up a charming little thing, even if only with help of Sridevi´s beauty and lovely music.

Dulhan Hum Le Jayenge

Directed by: David Dhawan

Starring: Salman Khan, Karishma Kapoor, Paresh Rawal, Om Puri, Anupam Kher

Released: 2000

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Often my readers accuse me of not being able to appreciate films which are meant to be „just fun“, films that are purposefully mindless, silly and unrealistic. They say I cannot enjoy anything that is not meaningful. And so I sat down and tried to think of a movie that was all that and I would have liked it. I did not have to think for long. A line up of such films exists and Dulhan Hum Le Jayenge (which at first confused me because the title was just too similar to Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge) is one of them. Coming out of David Dhawan´s workshop, it ranks among his better efforts, before he went into a long and fruitless period before being somehow revived by his (so far) latest outing of Main Tera Hero.

It is a story of Sapna (Karishma Kapoor), white-clad, long-haired, blue-eyed virginal niece of three rather eccentric uncles, who all make her their personal crusade by forcingly trying to shape her according to their own lifestyle. Thus the strong, wrestling sportsman tortures her with rigorous exercise, pious devotee insists on her spiritual development and the forever young disco lover just wants her to be a modern vixen. Naturally the poor girl wants nothing but to be herself, and so one day she secretly joins a group of tourists traveling to Switzerland. Among the travelers is also Raja (Salman Khan), already determined to make Sapna the Queen of his heart. But conquering her is the least of his troubles, since ultimately he will have to impress the uncles. All of them.

Judging by the wardrobe neither were sure of what the climate of Switzerland actually was like.

Now, you really cannot look for „meaning“ and „depth“ in this one, can you? But you can enjoy it immensely and I did. Perhaps because even the over the top performances seemed earnest, perhaps because it was cute and fluffy and funny without need to use profanities or lewd sex jokes. Maybe it was Johnny Lever dancing. Maybe I was simply in the right mood. Dulhan Hum Le Jayenge serves you comedy laced with youthful enthusiasm of the main leads and great combination of great supporting actors, and there are some hilariously choreographed (but back then highly cool) catchy songs (complete with puzzled foreign onlookers). Not all films that may claim to have the same hold my love, and I suppose many times I just go by instinct (and my, am I picky!). Some films just do not feel nice. This one does.

Unlike the horrendous Biwi No. 1, this film provides greatly for all Salman-Karishma shippers, among whom I count myself. They are one of the grossly underrated jodis. Neither of them is a stupendous actor, but they bring out the crazy best out of each other. They seem very well suited and there is cheekiness to them both which beautifully underlines their chemistry.

As usual my feminist side was not entirely happy with the movie, since there is lots and lots of men deciding for the girl in this film. Even the happy ending is ensured only thanks to Sapna´s grandfather. At few points it actually gets regressive (talking here about two scenes especially: when Sapna is immediately sexually attacked while thumbing a lift, and when Raja hits her when she is dancing with two horny men. Given both things were stupid of her, the whole thing played it on stereotype that INDIAN girls do not behave „like that“). Well, at least nobody makes a big deal out of Sapna´s change of image from baggy clothes and pigtails to sexy mini-skirts and fashionable hairdo.

So there you have it. That „pure fun“ film I like. Go and watch it. It might just be the right thing to brighten your afternoon.

Special 26

Directed by: Neeraj Pandey

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Anupam Kher, Manoj Bajpayee, Kajal Agarwal, Jimmy Shergil

Released: 2013

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

It is interesting to see how over the years we have abandoned the once so admired honest heroes armed with the flaming sword of justice and spotless shield of patriotism (as well as an A-Z dictionary of morals) for witty Robin Hoods, aka crooks and thieves taking from the rich (and not giving it to others). Stealing from greedy people is "right", but being greedy is not. It is acceptable that you are a thief if you only steal from nasty people. Be it Don, Chulbul Pandey or the gang of this film, we have learned to root for the bad guys. Who are not all that bad. Just outlaws. But still not bad. So steal away, kid, just make sure you steal from the right people. Or something like that I think. Makes my head spinning a bit.

Back in the old 80s (ironically enough the time of the spotless on-screen heroes in white shoes), a gang of several men make their living of crime – which is always the same. Posing as CBI or other government organization, they raid houses of rich people, whom we can suspect are most probably corrupted, and under a pretext of taking all the money and riches found to the authorities, they simply pack their own bags. And live happily until the need for more money and adrenaline lures them out of their homes to try again, some place else. However it seems their wit finally found a match on the opposite side of the law. An actual CBI officer Khan, with a help of a policeman, previously deceived by the gang, manages to locate one of them and through him also finds out details about their next target, which is to be non other than a huge jewelery shop in Mumbai. Will he manage to stop them? Will they outsmart him? Will the law win or will our crooked heroes will? My unfortunate ability to predict twists and turns proved functional yet again, though I dare say not everybody figured the missing piece of information out before it was actually revealed.

The film takes quite some time before actually taking off, and the plot perhaps could have been more elaborate, and one or two more twists would only ad some thrill and mystery (though after the twistingly twisty Race 2 even a dozen twists might seem too little). Maybe it would have been good to actually give more depth to the characters, who apparently all come from different backgrounds and have families and other bonds, but the sane viewer in me knows this would only slow down the story, that needed to be quick – in fact a lost quicker than it ultimately was.

The love track is one of the most useless ones ever, doesn´t even make anything for the ending. Kajal Agarwal hardly speaks in those four scenes she has, which is actually a plus because I can barely stand her. In any case seeing her with Akshay gave even Mr. Kumar away - he too is, much like his Khan and Devgn collegues, officially looking too old to romance anyone under 30 and pass off as younger than 40. On the bright side his performance was on the subtle side and very good. Hopefully we can see him in films like this and last years OMG more often. The acting stars of the film though are Anupam Kher and Manoj Bajpayee, both dominating the screen whenever they appear. Other supporting actors like Jimmy Shergil (sporting an unflattering moustache) and Divya Dutta (who is repeating one line throughout the film), are alright.

The settings of the 80s India are excellent, at times one truly wonders how in the world did they manage to recreate the Mumbai of that time so flawlessly and on such big scale. The camera work is good, and overall there is nothing to complain about when it comes to technical aspects. Special 26 is a good film, well told, well presented, well acted, well put together. Not brilliant, but good.

Aur Pyar Ho Gaya

Directed by: Rahul Rawail

Starring: Bobby Deol, Aishwarya Rai, Anupam Kher, Shammi Kapoor

Released: 1997

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Aur bakwaas ho gaya. Aishwarya´a entry into Hindi films is not only not memorable but it is actually very much desirable to pretend it never happened in the first place. Sadly she was no acting miracle and so she is also responsible for the movie balancing on the edge of unwatchability, but the blame needs to be put also on extremely shallow script, bad direction, forgettable music, and Bobby Deol, whom I just cannot take seriously. My view on him and his questionable hairstyle may be changed if I stumble upon a film that will present him to me in a more favourable light (like it happened to Rishi Kapoor), but so far Bobby boy was not lucky in that aspect.

We first meet beautiful young Aarshi at her friend´s sangeet (the best five minutes of whole movie for Aishwarya´s gorgeousness and dancing), and a bit later buying a super expensive horse. Just so we know she is filthy rich. Her father then fixes her marriage with a family friend´s son Rohit, and Aarshi has no objections, even though she has not even seen a photo of her future husband. But then one of her already married friends commits suicide (no less!), because obviously her husband turned out to be quite a kamina after the wedding, and THAT is when Aarshi realizes it might not be the best idea to just get married without knowing the person. And so she has a super original idea. She is going to stalk the man (she doesn´t even know what he looks like), who conveniently for a 90s Bollywood stays at Switzerland at the time. The whole point of taking Aarshi there is to make Aish wear some cool and latest 90s fashion western outfits and super short skirts.

In Switzerland she bumps into a hairy guy who annoys her extremely (yeah, this is Bobby Deol making his entry while dancing awkwardly with her photo in his breast pocket), only to assume few more annoyances later he is probably the guy she flew down to check out. To her great pleasure he is practically a saint and Aarshi promptly falls in love. 

But the guy is not Rohit... yadda yadda yadda.... doesn´t matter cause he´s too filthy rich...yadda yadda yadda.... he makes fun of Aarshi´s dad unknowingly... because of that daddy dearest forbids the marriage.... yadda yadda yadda.... more extremely weird problems.... yadda yadda yadda..... happy ending. I lost my interest pretty soon. The film obviously aspired to be a romance aka DDLJ (just BIGGER so Bobby in the end doesn´t help Aarshi into a train but actually outruns an airplane and STOPS it by crashing an animated car in front of it for which I suppose he was later arrested and charged but film ends before that happens). Most of it was so cringe worthy I wouldn´t label it even „unintentionally funny“, because I felt sincerely embarrassed watching it and its protagonists being stupid.

Aishwarya, bless her heart, has always been a beautiful girl, and thank God for that, because her looks was really the only saving grace of the whole movie. Other then that she was atrocious, possibly one of the worst female performances I have seen in my whole life. Her face was unmoving, her dialogue delivery made my ears bleed and her overacting made me tear my heart out of frustration. She was really cute in the scenes with Shammi Kapoor though. Bobby Deol, as I have already said, was just awkward to watch (Dharmendra´s children were just not blessed with his looks or talent), Anupam Kher pull off yet another of his OTT performances when you have difficulty deciding if he is brilliant or awful (in this particular case I tend to believe the latter), Shammi has a very small role, but it was lovely to see him for a few moments at least.

Awful launch for Aish and a „let´s suffer“ movie if you are in a masochistic mood (that I have to admit I sometimes am and that is why I end up watching even films nobody else would).

Lamhe

Directed by: Yash Chopra

Starring: Anil Kapoor, Sridevi, Waheeda Rehman, Anupam Kher

Released: 1991

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

As the sad news of a sudden demise of Yash Chopra seeps in, probably every Bollywood fan stops for a minute and thinks about the legacy this man left behind. I have never tried to hide that I found many of his films overrated, and this feeling remains. At the same time one cannot deny that Yash Chopra was a man who inspired many other filmmakers and influenced Bollywood like only few other people did. And finally I thought to myself that this sad moment actually gives me an opportunity to review a film I consider his absolutely best, and without seconds thought a deserved classic.

A young NRI Viren (Anil Kapoor without his trademark stache) and his old nurse (Waheeda Rehman with her trademark grace) return after many years to India, Rajasthan, where Viren officially takes over the property left to him by his deceased parents. Grown up in London, Viren finds India a strange, yet interesting place. Even more interesting since his neighbour´s daughter Pallavi (Sridevi) appoints herself his guide and friend. And soon enough quiet and romantic Viren falls in love with vivacious and life-loving Pallavi, regardless of the fact she is older to him. One cannot wonder. Sridevi as Pallavi is utterly gorgeous, Yash Chopra was in the end someone who always made his actresses look stunning. However all too soon her father dies and heartbroken Pallavi soon after break Viren´s heart, as she misses his open arms only to fall into another man´s embrace. The shaken Viren comes to know Pallavi has been in love with Siddhart, an air force pilot, and to ensure her happiness, Viren has the two of them married. Nursing a wounded heart he then returns to England, and unsuspecting Pallavi keeps him informed about her life in letters, which he stores with almost religious fervour, as well as few other little mementos, including the anklet she lost that night she danced for him in the desert....

But after just few months of happy togetherness Siddhart and Pallavi both perish in a car accident, leaving behind a tiny baby girl, whom Pallavi manages to entrust to Viren´s old nurse Dai jaa. The older woman names the baby Pooja and brings her up in India, where Viren finances everything, but only comes there once a year, to remember death of his love. Not once he agrees to see Pooja , although he bears no ill will to her, and showers her with gifts. The curious girl (also played by Sridevi, because whenever Sridevi has a baby in a film, it looks exactly like her), however, could not be less satisfied. After all, she has decided a long time ago in her kid heart, that one day she is going to marry this mysterious benefactor of hers. Clueless, just like her mother, about what lies in Viren´s heart.....

Lamhe is indeed a rather unique love story, where there lies both an affection for another (in case of Pallavi) and a big age difference (in case of Pooja) in between Viren and his happiness. Anil Kapoor is perfect in the role. His portrayal of the character is subdued and calm – a rather extraordinary thing to behold when it comes to him. Anil of that time was usually a hero roughly treated by life, wearing jeans and taking bloody revenges, but Viren is completely different. Quiet. Thoughtful. Sensitive. The scene where he sees Pooja for the first time, and thinking probably a miracle has happened and that is Pallavi in front of him, is extremely powerful even without words. I feel that very often people very unjustly leave him out when talking about the film. He deserves as much credit for making it beautiful as his leading lady.

As far as Sridevi is concerned, in my opinion, this is her best performance ever. It is one thing to admire about her, that as reserved and withdrawn she is in personal life, she is able to shake all her inhibitions off once the camera starts rolling. She is a delight to watch as both Pallavi and Pooja (characters that actually have a lot in common – apart from one being mature and one still very much childish). Her somehow constantly surprised and mischievous expression and innocence mirrored in those huge eyes lined carefully with kohl, is perfect. Her dancing in Megha Re Megha and Chhudian Khanak Bole wonderful. She infuses life into her role with so much conviction you cannot but applaud her.

Two other supporting actors, who absolutely need to be mentioned, because even without them Lamhe would not have been what it is, are already mentioned Waheeda Rehman and amother of my favourites Anupam Kher. Waheeda never lost her grace and aura, and even as wise and selfless Dai Jaa she is capable of winning the hearts of audience, and equals Sridevi´s overpowering screen presence with magic of her own. Ah! And that glorious moment when she actually bursts out singing her famous number from Guide! Anupam Kher as whacky, good-natured Prem, a friend of Viren´s, who keeps pushing him and Pooja together in his own sneaky but well-meant ways, is too endearing. His bonding with Sridevi in London is hilarious, his singing of Kabhi Kabhie near the end gets you emotional.

Lamhe has been many a time rejected by some viewers, who found the story incestous. I can understand where these people are coming from. Viren did love Pooja´s mother and he was the girl´s guardian. But at the same time, I never really thought about this while watching the film. It is not like Viren was married to Pallavi and then pulled off Woody Allen. Pooja´s eternal crush on Viren, is probably more questionable to me, and one has a feeling she had to be really cut off from all the society, because her whole existence seemed to center around a man she has only heard of. I read that Sridevi herself objected to the ending of Lamhe and i must say I too would find it more logical if Viren indeed refused Pooja and she went on with her life without him. Then again the film is so beautifully constructed and acted I have no major objections to the happy ending either.

The only flaw I find in Lamhe is – Siddhart aka non-actor Deepak Malhotra, whom the trees give a stiff competition. It really felt like Yash Chopra just stopped the first fair guy he found on the street, dressed him in a uniform and put him in front of the camera. Poor Mr. Malhotra was atrocious from stoned expression to non-existent dialogue delivery, and what a shame – he did not even look good with Sridevi. Then again he is there only to impregnate the heroine and die....

Yash Chopra films are famous for having wonderful soundtracks (mostly, though you could find exceptions) and Lamhe is no different. Melodies and lyrics woven into the story are flawless. My personal favourite apart from the obvious „desert“ number about bangle and a peacock has to be Gudia Rani picturized on my beloved Waheeda and little „Pooja“. There is something universally appealing in lullabies, wouldn´t you agree?

Lamhe is one of those films that stand witness how little the box office results tell when it comes to the quality of the film. A film to cherish. And the best film of an iconic director.

Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge

Directed by: Aditya Chopra

Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Kajol, Amrish Puri, Farida Jalal, Anupam Kher

Released: 1995

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I was deeply disappointed by Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. It is a film you will find in all the „must see“ Bollywood lists, it is massively popular and what is even more amazing it is still running in the theaters. For some it is the best of the best Bollywood movies ever. An evergreen classic. And it did not blow me away at all when I saw it the first time. I still remember how I was sitting in front of the screen as the closing credits rolled, me rather baffled, and I thought to myself: „Was that it?“ I failed to see the greatness there should be to rave about completely. But then after some time I returned to the film. And since then I have done so about four times. And other times I watched just small portions of it. And I realized that the beauty of DDLJ is in its simplicity and repeat value. It does not have the most amazing plot twist and it is all in all quite predictable, it does not have gorgeous sets to take your breath away and editing is a bit sloppy at times, but the film has an unusual freshness to it that can still be felt years after it first released and got so many fans.

This really wouldn´t be my reaction over prospect of being stuck with SRK....

The story line is notoriously known so let´s just sum it up quickly: Europe. Raj meets Simran. Simran hates Raj because he saw her bra and actually can play a piano. Raj doesn´t rape Simran even though they spend a night in a closed space together. Simran and Raj fall in love. But oh! Simran´s dad is Amrish Puri which in itself spells trouble. And indeed we are given his famous deadly stare and off goes Simran to India and her arranged fiancé she has never even seen. Raj, fully armed with a mandoline and a cow bell, follows, chupke chupke. Raj convinces everyone, while being in disguise, he is the most perfect guy ever. Amrish Puri deadly stares as he finds out the truth. Raj apologizes for even trying and makes a quick exit. Amrish Puri deadly stares as a train with Raj starts to move forward. They stare at each other. Still staring. Amrish Puri has a sudden change of heart and urges Simran to outrun the train and hop on. Simran runs. Running. Dramatic music in the background. Simran catches Raj´s hand and he pulls her into the train. 

One of the most famous Bollywood endings has actually many shortcomings. Why doesn´t the train actually move at the speed it should. Why doesn´t Simran hop into the nearest door and instead needs to outrun several carriages. Why the hell doesn´t Raj actually step out of the train? But as I´ve said before, DDLJ is not a perfect, flawless film. It has loads of fluffy charm to make up for it. Not even the performances are award-worthy (though numerously awarded), but there is so much earnestness in young Shahrukh Khan and natural appeal in Kajol you believe them without a complaint. It is no secret I am no fan of their jodi, as appalling as it sounds to many of you. I think they look like siblings most of the time. DDLJ however presented them so well even I couldn´t rant about my reservations towards the couple. Still, it shall forever be a great sorrow to me that DDLJ could not have been made with the original choice for Simran, the unfortunate Divya Bharti...

People usually rave about the second part of the movie, which almost entirely belongs to Shahrukh Khan as Raj, whilst Kajol as Simran remains largely passive, letting him do what he seems fit - after all that is what he asks her to do. I personally enjoyed the first part with their bonding in Switzerland more, it had more of things actually happening and there was more delightful comedy involved, it was also a lot less tear-heavy. The supporting character actors were dearly loved people whom we have learned to see in every other movie. They all do what we are used to know from them. Amrish Puri being the negative person in the film (but for once not evil), Farida Jalal an understanding and gentle mother, Anupam Kher a slightly whacky dad who interferes with everybody´s bussiness. All were lovely to watch. Though as a person who knows Karan Johar primarily as a TV host and a director of awful films it was kind of bizzare to watch him on screen as one of SRK´s friends...

"Actually, keep your daughter. Our kids could inherit your stare."

Great deal in the film´s appeal also lies in an extremely melodious and catchy soundtrack. It involves two pretty much iconic songs Tujhe Dekha To and Mehndi Laga Ki Rakhna, but all the tracks are good.

DDLJ is definitely overrated when labeled as perfect and the best ever film. But it is undeniably an all time classic with a truly tremendous repeat value, and it definitely belongs to all those „must see“ lists, even though if only as a reference point to the modern Bollywood romance it has become alongside two other biggies – Hum Aapke Hain Koun and Dil To Pagal Hai. The big three to bring romance and family values back after all the action packed massalas that ruled the cinemas for years post Sholay. It also remains the best Aditya Chopra work till date. In fact, I don´t think he came even close with any of his other movies. A begginer´s luck perhaps?

Dabangg

Directed by: Abhinav Kashyap

Starring: Salman Khan, Sonu Sood, Sonakshi Sinha, Arbaaz Khan, Dimple Kapadia, Vinod Khanna, Anupam Kher

Released: 2010

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I am no Salman Khan fan. I genuinly love some of his films from the 90s, but that usually has hardly anything to do with him. Instead the films he stars in either have some other great actor or actress (like in the case of let´s say Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam), or are simply perfectly made (like Bhansali´s Khamoshi). There are several movies I like because of him (Andaaz Apna Apna anyone?), but they are rather rare cases. Unlike many others I do not care for Salman´s personal life and I do not feel the need to hate on him just because he and Shahrukh don´t get along, the truth is I simply don´t find him an actor powerful or convincing enough. There is X-factor more at work than talent, although he has (had?) plenty of it when he was younger. The older he gets the more lazy he gets. Hardly ever challenges himself, he doesn´t wander from his comfort zone, and he is one of those who will repeat the same formula again and again as long as somebody watches. So as you can see I am no Salman Khan fan. And yet after watching Dabangg I wanted to turn into one!

Prem is dead. Long live Chulbul.

Dabangg is a cinematic entertainment of the first class. Clever and witty, full of effortless comedy, action-packed sequences, beautiful songs and if I should use the atrocious clichéd saying, there is something for everybody. And the main hero is a real treat. Chulbul Pandey calls himself with gusto „Robin Hood“, but unlike the medieval European bandit who robbed the rich and gave all to the poor, he robs the robbers and keeps the loot to himself. In a way I was astounded to see how corrupt Chulbul actually is and nobody seems to mind. I guess the general perception of policemen is that they are all corrupt, and apparently as long as you are as righteous towards others as Chulbul you can afford it. There are other things that make him a sympathetic character. He is neglected by his step-father who naturally spoils his own son Makhi, he is devoted to his Maa, and finally he is loveable in his goofiness when it comes to his lady love (incredibly fresh and charming Sonakshi Sinha). Chulbul is Dabangg. Chulbul is what the whole film is about.

Bit of a Freddie Mercury style can never hurt.

When his younger brother Makhi steals some of the money Chulbul kept from himself, he has no idea they belonged to another wretchedly corrupt person – a politician Chedi Singh (Sonu Sood), and he naturally wants it back. He also wants to destroy Chulbul, who has made his life rather uncomfortable after finding out that some of his dark deeds harm the common folk (basically you can steal as long as nobody knows or comes to harm – that seems to be the moral of the story). And after Chulbul interrups Malaika Arora´s hot item number with some of his own awesome steps and pelvic thrusts, Chedi stops to control his own hatred....

Let´s shake it bhabhi!

The thrill, the family drama, the kick-ass action, the adorable romance and political plotting are intertwined just spectacularly. Painted with pleasant, earthy colours and tones and framed with melodious songs, the film is actually beautiful from every angle. True enough, over the years we have grown tired of the sudden stop of the hero in the air while he´s beating the heck up of the bad guys ala Matrix, but somehow Dabangg manages to present them as cool, something not all those who use the trick are able to do. There are memorable dialogues („I am going to make so many holes in you, that you are going to get confused where to breathe from and where to fart from“) and memorable scenes, and for the first time ever Salman doesn´t take off his shirt. Instead the shirt takes off itself.

I´m too sexy for my shirt!

I won the best stripper award six years in a row!

Are you kidding me?

As I have already noted, Chulbul is one of Salman´s best performances. He is unusually (for him) convincing and one can see the role was tailor made for him. His charisma and body language are wonderfully in sync with the character and he definitely deserves all the praise he received for it and more. Where is Salman, there needs to be an arm-candy as well. Debuting Sonakshi Sinha doesn´t have a big or deep role. She is what is demanded of a heroine. Beautiful, young, sweet. We can argue about how overrated she is (or is not) by media as we are waiting for her to act in something else, but the fact remains she did exceedingly well with whatever she was given. She definitely has the best dialogue delivery among the leading ladies who were launched in the last 5 years, and she has a pleasant, expressive face. She refused to be lost in Salman´s larger than life image and in spite of everything made her presence known. 

My hope for brighter Bollywood future.

Arbaaz Khan, who is one of the most wooden actors I´ve seen, finally found himself. Supporting role of a village lazybum, who is not evil, but not exactly saint or clever either, did for him what Chulbul did for Salman: it made him seem a great actor. For the first time ever I found him completely natural and at ease in front of the camera. The supporting cast overall did a good job, even though sentiments could hurt at a bit when you realize Dimple Kapadia plays Salman´s mother alongside Vinod Khanna. For me she will always be that young girl unashamedly opening door for Rishi Kapoor dressed inocently inapropriate.....

Pocket money time.

It´s difficult to label anything as a modern day classic. People are bound to disagree and some will slam you for your inferior opinion, and of course only the future years can really show if your guess was wrong or right, but somehow I have a feeling Dabangg deserves to be on the list of „modern classics“ for the pure fun and entertainment it represents. Also because even though it´s a massala and Salman Khan film, you do not need to leave your brain at home. And even though my undying devotion lies with Shahrukh Khan, I dare say Dabangg was the best film of the whole 2010, leaving its "chief rival" My name is Khan far behind.