Chandra Mukhi

Directed by: Debaloy Dey

Starring: Salman Khan, Sridevi, Gulshan Grover, Mohnish Behl

Released: 1993

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

The moment you see that on your screen you get an uneasy feeling. Regardless if you hate or love Salman Khan, he has not really been good with filmy ideas. Ever. But possibly nothing he ever came up after Chandra Mukhi was just as bad. Although I was told beforehand it was a try at sci-fi genre, and despite being generally very open to such ventures and being very tolerant overal, this film has taken the place of the most silly film I´ve seen, previously occupied by Rajkumar (with Madhuri Dixit and Anil Kapoor in the lead). There was one big hole where plot holes were meant to be. Basically nothing made sense. I keep wondering why would Sridevi even agree to make such a film!

Somewhere in space, undetected by NASA apparently, there is a golden realm where a Queen is ruling through a golden leaf that grants you every wish, and where the Princess flies through the air and is longing to go down „to the Earth“ and meet the humans. To prevent her from going anywhere the Queen decides to hand over the Golden leaf to her, thus making her a Queen. Because there is a catch you see – if she decides to go to the Earth, she has to return soon unless the kingdom will be destroyed.

"But mum! Responsibility sucks!"

The Princess is subsequently attacked by a macho guy with supernatural powers, who of course desires the Leaf, and she actually falls down to the Earth, loosing the Leaf in the process. On the Earth she encounters a little boy Raja with a sad, sad fate. His parents died a long time ago, and recently his disgustingly rich grandpa went missing as well. He is so terrorized by his evil uncle and his friends. Outraged by this injustice the Princess, who by now has began to call herself Chandra Mukhi, makes her jaddoo. Poof! Raja wakes up being an all grown up and unwaxed Salman Khan! Together with several kids Raja decides to go and find his grandfather, and very conveniently Chandra Mukhi decides to go look for her lost Golden leaf at the same place. They are chased by evil uncle and his companions as well as the macho guy who threw the Princess down from the high heavens in the first place...

The evil characters have all one quality in common: they are all incredibly idiotic and incapable of actually doing something evil. Heck, none of them even managed to kill the kids! And "ruling the world" is apparently limited to make things go boom with the Golden Leaf. And you can spend a whole day like it. But the good guys are not much smarter anyway. For example it is totally cool to forgive people who tried to kill you and your grandson repeatedly. And Sridevi basically tells us the best thing when face to face with death is to start dancing. Every single time. She is in her „let´s be cute“ mode throughout, something that does not necessarily work for her in this, and instead of innocent and good she comes across as immature and silly. True enough, her expressions are adorable, but somehow you feel cheated knowing what she´s capable of. She and Salman were hugely criticized as a couple, under a pretext that she is too old for him. I beg to differ. Sridevi is only 2 years older than Salman and if the story was different, they would actually create a nice jodi. However what betrays them as a couple is the main and most important twist of the whole thing.

"Yesterday I played with a teddy-bear. Today I´ll have sex with Sridevi. Oh yeah!"

The idea of little boy completely skipping growing up and the very next day romancing a grown woman in a very physical way just felt pedophilic. Even more so since he actually changes back into a boy in the end. One of the songs clearly implies that Chandramukhi and Raja most probably indulged in physical love – which basically makes you sick. He is just a boy imprisoned in a adult body after all! I don´t think I´ve ever seen anything more wrong in any film ever.

Songs were plenty and badly forced into the story, but on their own they were quite good and so a highlight. The technical aspects and special effects did not stand the test of time, be it the lasers flashing from Sridevi´s eyes or even the depiction of the spacy kingdom.

WTF-ery of the first class, that did not forget to show that even the beings from outer space need Hindu Gods to solve their problems.

"DA FUCK IS THIS?"

Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke

Directed by: Mahesh Bhatt

Starring: Aamir Khan, Juhi Chawla, Dalip Tahil, Sharokh Irani, Kunal Khemu, Baby Ashrafa

Released: 1993

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke made me genuinely happy. For many reasons. The main being the fact that Juhi Chawla actually had a role. In most of her mainstream films I´ve seen so far she was largely used as a decoration, excuse for a song or damsel in distress, be it in Darr, Duplicate or Bol Radha Bol. However here she got her due and she truly used every second to her advantage.

Young Rahul (AAMIR Khan. AAMIR. Not SHAHRUKH. Understand?) has just inherited a textile factory saddled with debt plus three kids from his tragically deceased sister. He tries his best to get on well with the children, but managing them and the factory proves to be rather difficult, especially since his workers are all women making eyes on him and dancing instead of working. Ad to it a hungry for shaadi rich daughter of a man you´re making a commission for and what do you have? A big load of trouble. Nobody seems to understand the man´s plight and the kids are getting more and more insufferable by day, drawing away all nannies with their pranks.

Run over by life........... and children.

After Rahul breaks his promise of taking the children to the fair and locking them in the house the three siblings – Vicky, Munni and Sunny – run away through a window and completely rupee-less make their way to the fair. While trying to steal some sweets, they bump into Vaijanti, a young girl, at the moment engaged in the same illegal action. Together they all manage to escape the policeman and upon hearing that Vaijanti has nowhere to go, the children practically smuggle her home, where she spends two days hiding before their strict uncle. But nothing lasts forever and after a rather eventful night Rahul finally finds out there are not three, but four people he needs to look after now. Especially since Vaijanti makes up a story about being a poor orphan, while in fact she has run away from home and a rather sleazy groom...

No better place to hide from the police then a center of a stage.

Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke breathes innocence from the beginning to the end (despite that horny girl chasing Aamir). Its magic doesn´t make differences between generations and I can easily imagine seniors, children or adult people watching it and having a good time. It has everything – fluff, fun, romance, action – but everything is still very much innocent and even the slight thrill before the ending is delightfully funny. Great surprise were the three children. It is one of the very rare films where I did not feel the need to strangle them for being artificial and annoying – because they were not. They all did a good job without being too giggly or too weepy.

Even Juhi was shocked at the non-annoyance of the kids.

Aamir Khan is also very good. Watching this film after Lagaan and 3 Idiots I was reminded of how much I loved this old Aamir, who used his instinct more then his head (as I like to lament in every review which concerns him). Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke has him in a rather difficult role of an uncle, who does his best to satisfy the children, but fails with his methods, which sometimes are not exactly right, and sometimes he has to face a selfish misunderstanding by the trio. Aamir made his character look real, and even in the moments, in which he is unlikeable to the children, he manages to convince you that he wants their best and is just utterly helpless from time to time.

Can we have them in a film again please?

However, as I have mentioned earlier, the film ultimately belongs to Juhi. Because she is the soul of all things. She is the active (!) reason of things happening. She is the fun. She is that innocence I loved. I´m sure other actresses would have done a good job too, but I seriously doubt any would bring it to Juhi´s level. Such was her natural charm and comic sense in this one, and she truly deserved that Filmfare she later received. Looking sweet and simply throug-out the film she makes you smile with her mere presence. This is definitely my favourite film and performance of hers, no matter how much more „meaningful“ stuff she was appreciated later in her career. Ad to it she´s acting opposite Aamir (my favourite of her pairings), and you are left with a feeling of bliss.

Not blissed out just yet.

Part of the movie´s appeal lies also in music. Every single track is beautiful and there is pretty much everything from fun songs to romantic and family ones. The following is my favourite, which really stuck in my head and I find myself humming it from time to time.

Darr

Directed by: Yash Chopra

Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Sunny Deol, Juhi Chawla, Anupam Kherr

Released: 1993

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

C-c-c-c-could somebody make Shahrukh Khan to play more villains? Don´t get me wrong, I usually adore his lover-boy image. But he is also the only one, who can play a villain and you´ll still end up rooting for him! Except for one case, but that´s not what we´re dealing with right now.

What we are dealing with is a girl named Kiran, who has (at least I think so) just finished her university studies. She is all that you can expect from a typical Bollywood heroine of the 80s/early 90s: wonderfully beautiful, angelic, nature-loving and sweet, and she wisely leaves all the action to her lover, army officer Sunil. He is all that you can expect from Sunny Deol: muscular, Rambo-ish, muscular, macho and muscular. And to make it all more obvious, his entry to the film is on BIG scale. He, completely single-handed, kills a group of terrorists (who really need a lesson on how to shoot a person who is completely uncovered with a machine gun) to save a little girl, while the rest of his team only joins him so they can raise a big „Hurray!“ when he hugs the child. The sheer naivity and the stolen music make that whole sequence one of the most ridiculous action scenes I´ve witnessed. But then again, this is SUNNY DEOL and we all know that he doesn´t need a commando behind him to annihilate a bunch of childish terrorists.

The presence of the guys in the background indicates there is nobody left to kill on board.

But even Sunny sometimes needs a breather so he takes a leave for few days and together with Kiran they enjoy some quality romance time together, dreaming about their future house that just might have magical door leading straight to the Swiss Alps. And from time to time Sunil, like any other guy, thinks it is funny to either 1. fake his own death or 2. to scare Kiran to death with fake murder attempts. But their personal paradise, just like any other paradise, does have a snake. Kiran gets startled by weird phone calls and even night encounters during which an unknown person is aiming a flashlight to her face, while stammering her name and something about loving her. And he also plays a harmonica under her windows. Yes! That is where our dearly loved villain SRK steps in and makes all the bubble-gum fluffiness interesting.

Perfectly beautiful. I expected talking animals to appear any second.

So who is this only interesting character of the film? Since Yash Chopra was always quite lazy when it come to names, he is called Rahul. He loves K-k-k-kiran, but has always been too shy to tell her when they were in college. So now he calls her every day several times to tell her, plus to make bigger impact he is haunting her steps, threatens Sunil, projects her photos on the walls of his room, tells stories about her to his dead mother and let´s not forget he carves her name into his own chest with a knife. I´m not a psychologist, but is Yash Chopra trying to imply that Rahul is mentally disturbed? Maybe he really is. And maybe he will befriend Sunil to get closer to Kiran. Maybe he will be helluva mad if Sunil marries Kiran. Maybe he will decide to kill Sunil. Maybe he will kill some more people in the process. And God only knows - maybe he will dream of having his own song with Kiran in the Swiss Alps.

"I´m too sexy for my shirt."

The film terribly drags at times and it would have been better if it lasted 2 hours instead of 3. It attempts to bring together romance and thriller, but only the thriller part somehow works – and that only because of Shahrukh Khan. Sure, we all loved Amrish Puri whenever he turned out to be bad (which was like 99,5% of the films he did), but did you actually want him to throw those kids into the acidic bath under his feet? No. But with Rahul you want Sunil to remain lying dead in the woods and you want Kiran to realize Shahrukh Khan is much more loveable then Sunny Deol. Plus even though they are paired as a jodi in only one, dream sequence song, Juhi has better chemistry with Shahrukh then with Sunny in the whole film. Sadly the filmmakers did not emphatize with my sentiments and we were forced to witness Sunil literally rise from the dead, without any information whatsoever to localize kidnapped Kiran, then swimming (!) several hours to reach the boat and finally killing Shahrukh, while Juhi is screaming “Kill him! Kill him!” (that alone indicates something is just wrong with the film – and it the look on Shahrukh´s face will break your heart).

This is just so wrong :-(

And just as his character is the only interesting one, Shahrukh´s is the only performance worth some serious praise. Sunny Deol comes off as stiff and cold, way too perfect to be real and way too macho to be loved. Juhi is one of the actresses who cannot act bad. Not ever. But her roles in the commercial cinema were never powerful, meaty ones and as Kiran all she has to do is to be scared and beautiful. She does both superbly, but there is nothing more to her. Special mention goes to Anupam Kherr in his comical role as Kiran´s cricket-obssessed brother. In this film he is genuinly funny without embarassing himself (which is always a relief in Bollywood films).

Not a bad watch, but no Magnum Opus either. After viewing you might feel a sudden urge to pack and immediately go to Swiss Alps.