Akaash Vani

Directed by: Luv Ranjan

Starring: Kartik Tiwari, Nushrat Bharucha

Released: 2013

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

We may have seen students in love a countless times before, but very rarely does the relationship seem as effortless and genuine as the one between Akaash and Vani. There is no big I-Hate-You drama, neither does anyone stalk the other. Two people take liking to each other and that´s it. It just felt very natural, believable. Just as the rest of relationships we encounter throughout the movie. It is actually all more Vani than Akaash, as hers is the character growth and variety of situations compared to Akaash.

Going through a truly agonizing choice between duty to parents and promise to a boy she loves, Vani actually brings even more agonizing moments on herself. Some may argue that the guy she is promptly married off to is a caricature, an evil puppet of a man painted in the darkest colours for the sake of the film, but unfortunately such men do exist and they are actually not as scarce as we would like to think. Vani is less of a wife and more of a robot - and as crude as it sounds - a masturbation tool. She is being humiliated, looked down upon and raped. And yet when she tells her parents - they take her husband´s side. That too was just way too realistic not to strike a chord. Nushrat Bharucha does a great job as Vani. She is loveable and sweet at first, but bit by bit the fire is going out until she is pretty much a walking corpse.

Kartik Tiwari as Akaash is decent, but I did not think he was the best choice for the role. He looks too fragile and girly, which may be forgivable in first half, but once he reappears again one would expect him to be less of a child and more of a man. His dialogue delivery was bad. Also - even though I found the couple cute, Kartik and Nushrat do not really share a chemistry. Sunny Nijar as Vani´s husband is good and he makes it easy for you to hate him. His character is an insecure, sexist hypocrite treating his wife like shit and at the same time still feeling like the most gracious God she should worship with her every breath. This mentality is not reserved for Indians. I know such men and have seen such relationships where I live too. I was wondering if Vani was at least partly to be blamed for all the misery – after all she did not even try to love the guy, but all in all, after being raped for the first time, and then again and again, and never given a thought as a human being... no, I don´t think it was her fault at all.

Songs are good but some lyrics are awful (Baby I, your crazy, Lover, You smiling me climbing tower), and the greatest flaw is the uneven space given to different stages of the story. Vani´s marital life and her suffering are seemingly going on forever and after a certain moment it just becomes way too tiring to watch. It really balances on the point between gaining sympathy and feeling for Vani and melodramatic emotional blackmail. Similarly her "happy day" with Akaash after years was tad too long, not to mention the most "bollywood-ish" bit of the film - too good to be true.

The climax and ending, that should potentially be the most intense, is a letdown. It happens too quickly and doesn´t give any satisfaction to the viewer, who had been waiting for some serious confrontation with abusive husband and old-fashioned parents. But if the husband or the parents realize what really went wrong, we are never shown. Our Akaash Vani have their filmi ending without much fanfare.

Akaash Vani would have been better if it had some other hero and really sorted out its priorities. You can´t give me so much pain and have me shedding so many tears (I was positively bawling) only to solve it all with a slap. As if the filmmaker decided he had already shown what he wanted in the form of marital abuse, and the rest of the story was not really worth that much attention.   

You tell them girl.

Besharam

Directed by: Abhinav Kashyp

Starring: Ranbir Kapoor, Pallavi Sharda, Rishi Kapoor, Neetu Singh

Released: 2013

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

After drowning us with tears in emotional Rockstar, warming our hearts with delightful Barfi and entertaining us with romantic YJHD Ranbir Kapoor has apparently decided it was time to screw his reputation with Besharam. He is without a doubt my most favourite actor from the new generation (yes, even after this film), but truth to be told that only made the whole matter worse. I admit - I was not as appalled and horrified as I probably should have been, because appalled and horrified reviews kept coming from all sides and my expectations hit rock bottom. When I found some himmat to watch, I was ready for the WORST. The first half is decent - if we forget the disgusting morning erection scene and the most repulsive scene EVER (starring living legend Rishi Kapoor and a toilet) which was not needed and pretty much an INSULT to all his fans. Ranbir is acting well (even though his character is a disgusting creep for most part) and the new girl can dance. And Rishi Kapoor is the one who gives you a few chuckles (when he is not doing potty).

The story is extremely weak, and even though one is not supposed to look for logic in these kind of movies, the stupidity of actions these people go to is just too much. There was no need to steal the car again, at least not once the girl knew the truth. And did they really think they couldn´t be tracked down? Did they really think nobody would look for the money? The bones of this plot are rusty, and the tofu you are trying to plaster on them ain´t no meat. So what that Babli is an orphan. How does that justify him being a thief? And that he gives everything to the orphanage makes even less sense - he could be doing any honest job and do the same. In other words Babli is a thief - because he likes it. There is no majboori involved, no matter how much they are trying to shovel that into your throat.

I will do something I usually hate when others do it and say that Pallavi Sharda is just not beautiful enough. Not for this movie. She IS pretty and she is not a bad actress at all, however this role called for a STUNNING lady that would just catch your eye immediately. And Pallavi does not have this quality. She completely lacks star quality and is very bland. She shares no chemistry with Ranbir (obsessed with his crotch be it in the songs or otherwise) whatsoever, and their love story is very much awkward and superficial. It doesn´t feel natural at all, has no progress.

The girl is treated just bad in the whole movie. She is pursued by the hero because of no other reason than her looks. He is stalking her even though she several times rejects him and makes it clear she has no interest in him whatsoever. Later in the film she is deceived and lied to. And when she gets upset - SHE is the one who gets lectured on being spoilt, heartless and cold. WTF?! Sexist much director saab?

Neetu Singh.... the pyaari Neetu.... got the worst character in the film and is pretty much stripped of all her grace and ellegance. She was obnoxious and annoying and unfortunately only PARTLY because her character sucked. One of the main attractions of the film was the fact the three Kapoors were starring together in it - for the first time ever - but in the end it makes everything even more sad.

In the end I can only say that not even super low expectations save anything - except perhaps it doesn´t make you that mad. It also doesn´t guarantee you will not want to barf at the toilet scene. Besharam Abhinav Kashyap took us for a ride and drove so recklessly we all can only feel sick.

Kohinoor

Directed by: S. U. Sunny

Starring: Dilip Kumar, Meena Kumari, Jeevan

Released: 1960

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

A delightful film sprinkled with comedy, romance and action, wrapped in pleasant visuals and stuffed with pretty songs. There is that certain naivity you have to accept, and when you do nothing can really prevent you from enjoying the movie. Kohinoor is unique because it showed the two people best known for their brilliant suffering on screen in a completely different light. Well, in Meena Kumari´s case the tragic part of it was not completely abandoned, but still. The film also proved to be exactly and literally what doctor prescribed to depressed Dilip Kumar, who had previously portrayed the eternal alcoholic looser in Devdas and found himself unable to just let go of him for some time.

Dilip Kumar (as handsome as you can imagine!!!) is a Prince, who in spite of everything refuses to be over-dramatic. And that there would definitely be reasons for having a fit or at least a nervous breakdown! Attacks on his life are made – until even he gets suspicious and when he finds out that it is actually his seemingly faithful minister, who has been blinded by greed and sees himself on the throne already, the Prince is forced to leave his kingdom. But no worries, no time for moping – after all, he soon crosses the path of Princess Meena Kumari, with whom his marriage had been planned, and they promptly fall in love fall in love. Unfortunately there is someone else, malicious and sneaky, who is lusting after the beautiful Princess! 

To see Dilip and Meena in such a film was sheer joy. Especially he gets an opportunity to tune into other than the mopy and depressing mood (which he previously crafted into perfection). And I really don´t think there has been an actor more handsome in Bollywood, ever, with possible exception of very young Sunil Dutt (I think by this point you get that Yusuf Khan is my Khan of all seasons). He handles comedy extremely well. I loved how chilled his character was! You just tried to kill me? Whatevs man, I have a girl to impress. You just shot me in the arm? Ain´t nobody got time for that, let´s sing a happy song. We are trapped in a building full of enemies? Here, darling, why don´t you handle them yourself, I´ll collect you later.

Meena Kumari too proved that she was capable of much more than just bringing tears into our eyes. She could make us laugh as well! Although I was bit irritated with the stereotypical character naive girl who doesn´t recognize her lover just because he put a fake beard on. There were moments in the second half where I was afraid the film has deserted the comic track and decided to go into full-blown drama, which at that point was the last thing I wanted. I had way too good a time being entertained! Fortunately our Princess soon realizes that fainting at every occasion gets her nowhere and starts throwing everything that she finds at everyone that she sees!

The villain turned out to be a very familiar face – Jeevan. He may not have the exaggerated English accent in this, but I just kept going back to „Raabert“ from Amar Akbar Anthony in my mind, every time he appeared on the screen. But he was good nontheless. And it was not his fault that he made such an impression on me in AAA, that I will forever see him in that role. After all, Kohinoor happened a long time before AAA.

The film definitely won me over. Favourite moments? Many! For example a hysterical princess beating everyone over their heads with a stick, and the absolutely hilarious "missing mirror" scene between the hero and the intoxicated antagonist! Oh – did you know Dilip Kumar actually learned how to play a sitar just so he could do so in one of the songs?