Dabangg 2

Directed: Arbaaz Khan

Starring: Salman Khan, Arbaaz Khan, Sonakshi Sinha, Vinod Khanna, Prakash Raj

Released: 2012

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Remember my next to ecstatic review of Dabangg? Well, this one is going to be almost fully non-ecstatic. Because Dabangg 2 is one of those movies that are witnesses to the fact really good films should not be milked just for the sake of it. Most sequels do not turn out as half as good as their predecesors and Dabangg 2 is just another one of those. Not memorable from any angle and relying way too much on Salman Khan´s X-factor as well as overdoing references to the awesome original movie, Dabangg 2 is not a „horrible“ film, but it was probably, together with Jab Tak Hai Jaan, the biggest disappointment of the last year, failing to meet expectations by far.

We meet Chulbul Pandey a lot more joyful, mellowed and chilled than before. He has settled with his wife Rajjo and accepted a transfer into a bigger city. His family life is happy and content. Not only Rajjo is pregnant and glowing (and my, does she looks wonderful!), but his step-father and brother become a full-time caring relatives. The Pandey family harmony takes up the most part of the film and I felt like instead of a masalla film I was watching a TV soap educating me on how a proper family behaves. It does have sweet moments (Rajjo reminding Chulbul he forgot his trademark sunglasses) and funny moments (Pandey sr. getting fake calls from an unknown „lady“), but there is really nothing much to talk about. This storyline was still the best one – which doesn´t really shed favourable light on the rest of the movie.

If you are making a sequel to a movie that had a truly menacing and memorable villain like Sonu Sood as a corrupt politician, you absolutely need a villain even more menacing, memorable and ideally even more corrupt. And saying he is like that, not showing it, is just not enough. That Prakash Raj is among the finest when it comes to being a villain has been proved in the past more than once. However Dabangg 2 doesn´t take an advantage of having him in the slightest. There is not a single scene in which you would actually feel concerned for Chulbul, because his enemies seem helpless in spite of some threatening. The way the villain is weaved into the story (or rather lack of it) is too predictable and almost copied from the previous film too. Chulbul insults the corrupt guy. Corrupt guy threatens Chulbul. Chulbul is not afraid. Corrupt one kills/harms a member of Chulbul´s beloved parivaar. Chulbul wrestles shirtless with another shirtless villain. Chulbul kills the villain. The end.

Referencing to the previous movie is fine, as long as it´s not overdone, but Dabangg 2 does just that. „Chalte hain“ becomes „Aate hain“, the „you´ll be confused from which hole to fart“ is back as well as a guy with mummy calling him in the least appropriate moment. There is an item song, just lot less fun than Munni (and Kareena Kapoor does have adorable expressions but cannot dance for peanuts), we get Munni, just lot less fun than last time, we get a song about Sonakshi´s eyes, just lot less good than last time...... There is nothing fresh about the film. It is probably the most boring masalla movie I´ve seen in the past few years. And the thought there is supposed to be Dabangg 3 does not fill me with any excitement whatsoever.

To say something positive: performances are good, direction too isn´t bad, and there is nothing that would offend anyone´s sentiments I feel.

No fun, no twist, no originality. Dabangg 2 is not worth being an heir to the original.

Main Khiladi Tu Anari

Directed by: Sameer Malkan

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Saif Ali Khan, Kader Khan, Shilpa Shetty, Shakti Kapoor

Released: 1994

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

So I finally ventured into the Khiladi franchise with Main Khiladi To Anari (because in spite of its title Khilad 786 cannot be counted as a part of it as far as I know). As someone who is not impressed with Bollywood action scenes, I was a bit apprehensive, because it is action scenes Akshay Kumar is mostly (and unfairly cause he has a lot more to offer) known and applauded for. Also, while Saif Ali Khan today is among the best actors and my favourites, young puppy-like Saifu in those films of the 90s I´ve seen seemed rather awkward. And that Shilpa Shetty cannot act became clear within first ten minutes.

When an honest and uncorrupted police officer is murdered by a drug dealer Goli (Shakti Kapoor), his lover Mona (Shilpa) spills the beans to a handsome police inspector Karan (Akshay), only to have her long skirt torn (cause showing her long legs is essential for the film) and to be killed. As it happens the murdered inspector was Karan´s older brother, and so the chhota bhai sets out to avenge his sibling. But what to do? He has nothing against Goli now that Mona and her sexy legs are gone.

Meanwhile, in some other part of the city, a popular actor, an ultimate romantic hero Deepak Kumar, is having an existential crisis. Not that his films wouldn´t be doing well, but he hates them and himself in them. Sick from the image he has he is longing to kick ass at least once in some „asli mard“ movie. While unsuccessfully explaining this to a producer (who is also a mafia boss), he encounters the ultimate kick-ass machine inspector Karan fighting for justice, and immediately decides this is the exact image he needs to create for himself. To be able to study Karan´s mannerism and behaviour he manages to pull some strings and soon tough and rather anti-social inspector (still trying to get his revenge) is officially stuck with a naive, flamboyant and oh so filmy superstar. At the same time Karan finds Basanti, a girl who acts exactly like the annoying Basanti from Sholay and looks exactly like the deceased Mona, and after one night lasting English course she transforms from an illiterate thief into a high profile bar dancer, planted into Goli´s closeness under a pretext of being a Mona, who survived, but is not dangerous for him because she lost her memory...

The film has its share of loopholes and flaws. I wasn´t comfortable with the „love“ twist that brought Basanti and Karan together. I don´t care he didn´t really rape her, and it was actually set up by her so he would think that. The idea behind it – that a raped girl should marry the one who raped her – is just repulsive. If in the middle of Bollywood a writer cannot come up with a better idea of how to push two characters together, let them rather stay single. It was better to watch Deepak romancing Karan´s sister, although here too one wondered how much there is to actual love, considering she was a nutcase of a fangirl. But both love stories and even the plot involving Goli and all the avenging are really just a background – for some seriously awesome Akshay/Saif bonding.

It´s between the two of them that the actual relationship happens, a relationship that truly deserves a label of „bromance“. They have wonderful chemistry and even in acting they were complimenting each other. Their comic timing is wonderful, especially Saif got me in splits with his almost childish stubborness and yet being clueless about what to do most of the time. The purpose of his character is not lost in the progress, he doesn´t loose the bohemian spirit and never abandons his aim to build his new image.

Main Khiladi Tu Anari is nothing but an unapologetic fun. To analyze it and nit pick on the story is almost irrelevant, because the fun is what matters, not any moral values. Extremely enjoyable with the (today) unintentionally (?) hilarious songs and dancing, as well as Kader Khan being a movie star fangirl, the movie also has a great repeat value and doesn´t get old.

Mahaanta

Directed by: Afzal Khan

Starring: Sanjay Dutt, Madhuri Dixit, Jeetendra, Amrish Puri

Released: 1997

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Mahaanta is one of those films I tend to pretend do not exist, because it is one of those films that cause me an acute pain as a Madhuri Dixit fan. In making for almost 9 years, by the time Mahaanta came out it was badly outdated in all aspects. The star-cast, that must have been extremely impressive in the late 80s, when the film shooting actually started, was, by the time it released, almost exclusively considered veteran and non-happening (apart from Sanjay and Madhuri). The story too was one of those bloody thrillers about revenge so popular at the time, but no longer relevant in the post Hum Aapke Hain Koun and Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge era. It wasn´t handled well either.

"Why were all my scenes cut out and my presence in the film reduced so much?"

"You are too old to be a heroine. Better you face it soon."

Honestly, I don´t know where to begin. The film is extremely boring from the start, and to be honest I couldn´t really follow what was happening. There was Jeetendra, already looking 60, but playing a young man, I caught a glimpse of the beautiful Poonam Dhillon (and my, does she disappear like a rock in the ocean not to be heard of again in this film!), but mostly the story seemed to focus on devilish Amrish Puri, who runs illegal business and has brave, but stupid police officers murdered. And then, out of nowhere, Sanjay Dutt appear to save the day and Jeetu´s ass (just like that, no explanation given). And in the next moment he´s wearing a tight yellow Speedo T-shirt, buying sarees for his bhabhi in a supermarket, and falling in love with the gorgeous, though horribly dressed Madhuri, as she´s passing around. However, Amrish Puri´s „son“ falls in lust with her (no, that isn´t a typo) and to get her he tries to rape her, and when he gets a beating, asks daddy to get him the gal.

DAT SPEEDO!

By threats to her and Sanju Amrish forces Madhuri to a wedding, but Sanjay having none of that manages to steal the bride for himself and marry her. And from this point on, the story gets even more boring and confusing, with more kills and more raping, and Jeetendra circling around as a righteous protector of the law while Sanjay turns into an avenging killing machine and having a song after he murders every single one of his enemies (sorts of „Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, Ninety-nine bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall“ gaana). Until in the end Sanjay and Jeetendra have a Dostana moment of mutual forgiveness and renewed love for each other. Doesn´t you head hurt just reading? Now imagine actually watching all this in span of approximately three hours.

"I brutally murdered a guy just now. Sha-la-la-la-la!"

None of the actors gives a really bad performance, but none excels either. Jeetendra is boring, Sanjay´s character actually rather unlikeable, Amrish Puri gives us his standart staring villain and Madhuri doesn´t have a big role, especially in the second half she only appears for the songs - a reminder that she signed the film in the late 80s. Heck, Shakti Kapoor is on the screen more. Music is fine and catchy enough, although picturization of Chule Chule makes Sanjay Dutt look like a blind, deaf and unfeeling wooden log, because to sleep with your own wife would probably take away your super powers or what. Let´s just smack her across the face, that´s right. Just like when she said she loved you. Indeed, Sanju may love Madhuri in the film, but I have no idea why would she love him so dearly, cause treats her like dirt most of the time.

Saajan-wali Madhuri.

DTPH-wali Madhuri.

All those years it was in making ruined the film completely. I´m completely sure Sanjay and Madhuri´s story was just a supporting one to the main of Jeetendra and Poonam Dhillon, or at least there was loads more of Jeetendra and Poonam than what we´ve got to see eventually. Scenes were being rewritten and reshot, which we can perfectly document by seeing fresh and happy Sanjay vs. tired and weary Sanjay who just got out of jail, Madhuri with skin problems and black curly hair from the times of Saajan and Madhuri with flawless skin and brown messy hair she sported post 1996, and of course Sanjay´s mullet is ever-changing, not staying the same in two scenes.

Mahaanta is a pain. In the hearts of Madhuri fans like me, in the brains of all the sane movie-watchers, and if you manage to sit through it all at once, it can easily give you a pain in the...

"Baby, let´s make a baby!"

"No. I haven´t kill everybody in this film yet."

"WTF dude?"