Directed by: Anil Sharma
Starring: Salman Khan,
Zarine Khan, Mithun Chakraborthy, Jackie Shroff, Sohail Khan
Released: 2010
Verdict: destroy every
copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable -
good – great – amazing
They called it VEER but I
shall forever remember it as WEIRD. But to be honest I don´t thing a
proper adjective to describe how awful it is has been invented so far
so let me just tell you this: Veer is one of those films that need to
be burnt and its ashes then scattered in the deepest space so nobody
can ever watch them again. Every mention of it should be erased and
those who has seen it should be brainwashed until they don´t
remember. Back in the 90s the filmmakers may have already seen that Salman Khan´s film ideas make only a huge mess, and yet not twenty
years have passed and they decided to create a movie based on his
idea again. Hopefully for the last time ever.
The story is basically
dealing the Pindaris (who they really were I had to look up on the
net) and one huge betrayal by aging but still having „it“ Jackie
Shroff. The betrayed one however was none other than Mithun
Chakraborthy, and after cutting off Jackie´s arm, he fled with the
rest of his people and raised two sons – Veer (Salman) and another
one (played by Sohail Khan). He then sends these sons to England to
„absorb“ British cunning ways so they can use that against the
English rule and also against Jackie, who is ruling like a Raja in
one of the Indian provinces.....
"Tell me, stranger, how do I to get to Woodstock?" |
The time frame of the film
is utterly confusing. We are told that Veer was born in early 1870s ,
so if he is supposed to be 25 in the film, it is taking place
somewhere before the year 1900. I can assure you though, that at that
time there was no Czechoslovakia (indeed mentioned), there were no
black women in British universities, pineapples were not sold in the
streets of London, ladies were not wearing such awful dresses and men
would actually take off their hats before dancing at a grand royal
ball. Nobody is really concerned about minor inaccuracies in films,
but Veer is nothing but a shameless history rape.
WHAT ERA IS THIS? |
WHAT PLACE IS THIS? |
WHAT FASHION IS THIS? |
WHAT DRUG IS THIS? |
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? |
WHAT WHAT WHAT? |
While in this really
strange out-of-time caricature of the British capital, Veer falls in
love with an Indian princess studying abroad. Zarine Khan, who
essayed the role, is one of those misfortunes brought upon Bollywood
audience by Salman. Her face has a striking likeness to Katrina Kaif
and they both share the same stoned face, seemingly unable to move no
matter what their character is supposed to feel. She doesn´t suit
Salman as a pairing and again her outfits in the movie were anything
by accurate (historically and geographically). The bad choice and
presentation of the heroine kills of the romantic part of the film.
Was this that "Come in your Princess Haloween costume" scene? |
The patriotic part of the
film is unforgivably boring. The script and twist are not at all
exciting (though curiously still a bit better than the utter
snooze-fest called Mangal Pandey, where it was Aamir Khan trying to
convince his countrymen it would be a good idea to kick the British
out of India), the action quite ridiculous because of all the
unrealistic effects that are supposed to make Salman look like war
God defying the very basics of physics, but are not cool as a part of
what aspired to be a historic megafilm. Mithun and Jackie easily
steal the show whenever they are in the frame, even their roles are
not that bad, but they are not given a proper storyline of their own,
that would utilize their talents (especially not Jackie).
"Dude, I owned Salman money. But what is your excuse for being here?" |
"I was high." |
Veer really is weird. The
London part is the worst, with an obligatory scene with a super
racist white teacher insulting his students so Salman can have
another patriotic speech, and with streets full of young white women
who look so happy and positive you start thinking if they are on
drugs. And thus I have to warn you – think twice before you let the
bleeding Salman with an axe in his hand ride onto your TV screen.
Unless you´re in a mood for one of the most unintentionally
hilarious films ever.
So, SO funny! You captured this movie perfectly in the pics and captions. Love it.
ReplyDeleteThank you :D
DeleteI love love love this review Ally. I literally cried happy tears. so many quotes... the little subtexts under the pics.
ReplyDeleteOh God I love you - and AGREE on everything
Dingle
Thank you Dingly :D Here, have a hankie!
DeleteThis is hilarious! Thank you for warning me away from this film. I think your screencaps are all I need to see.
ReplyDeleteWHAT WHAT WHAT? :)