Dhoom 3

Directed by: Vijay Krishna Acharya

Starring: Aamir Khan, Abhishek Bachchan, Katrina Kaif, Uday Chopra, Jackie Shroff

Released: 2013

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - shitastic - good – great – amazing

I feel that after this film I need to add one more word into my rating – SHITASTIC. Because that is the only way how to describe how awesome and awful Dhoom 3 is (maybe I should call it „awesful“?). I thought the first movie of the franchise decent, the second absolutely horrendous. And this one just bloody ridiculous. But given I had my brain boiled by intense studying and was in a desperate need of letting everything just go for a moment, I ended up enjoying this first class trash to the fullest.

Uday Sparrow.

First of all, I made a mistake listing the cast above. The correct order should be: Aamir Khan, Aamir Khan, supported by Aamir Khan, a bike, Aamir Khan, and some extras. What makes it a part of Dhoom franchise is not Jai and Ali, a duo of idiotic cops, but bikes doing mad shit and story so questionable you cannot take any bit of it seriously. It is not a masala film in that slightly rustic 80s style (that needs to die a quick death for the sake of humanity), it looks way more polished, almost slick, almost like a good movie. But then of course bikes ride on ropes and rickshaws break through numerous brick walls, and American police calls for help two of the most incompetent Indian cops who have screwed up every big case in the past. And by the time the big twist comes you have guessed already, but Jai Dixit has not.

Suddenly..... diorrhea.

Unlike previous Dhoom, which was just totally random, Aamir – as Sahir AND Samar, is given a backstory. All the silliness that happens has a certain motivation, which at least gives it a frame, that kinda holds it all together. There is no shit (am using this word often in this review, am I not?) love story that would make you roll your eyes and wish the lovers dead already. On the other hand it is all about robbing a bank and yet not once you see the bank robbed (huh?), but the makers try to make up for it with ENDLESS bike/car chases that always end up with Aamir´s magical bike pulling off some magic trick. The circus showed in the prologue (which interestingly feels like something from the 20s instead of the year 1990) provides just really secondary magic tricks (no wonder the bank was not impressed), the new circus Aamir launches seems to have ONE show number that goes on every night and forever.

But I guess nobody cares about the reruns. As long as Ms. Kaif is wearing only glitter.

Aamir Khan has a constipated expression as Sahir and his act as Samar is actually painful. The film entirely belong to him still, even if his bulging muscles make him move rather uncomfortably. Abhishek Bachchan sports a frowned brow and grim stare all the time, it is obvious the makers had no idea what to do with him. Any random cop could have provoke the exact same things from Sahir and the character of Jai is really no longer required. As for Uday Chopra, he is in because everybody needs a sidekick they can pester and Jai ain´t no different. 

No clever caption. I just loved her hair.

Katrina Kaif has about 20 minutes in the film (that already includes 3 songs). She fits the role. She is quite cute and no acting histrionics are required anyway. Dhoom girl is about sex appeal, good looks and glamour, all of which she provides generously, and for the first time ever I truly appreciated her dancing. She was REALLY good, and only few bits of choreography made her look awkward. Most importnatly her character does not refer to herself in third person (Sunehri was really pissing me off with this in Dhoom 2. Like who the hell does that?) It felt good to see Jackie Shroff in his cameo, he was reliable as always, although his character was one whacko of a „loving“ father.

I set fire to the box! Bow down to my magic, bitches!

Songs blend in well with the film – the best one by far is Malang. All that money they put into picturization definitely paid of. The number is SPECTACULAR and must have been amazing to experience on big screen. On the other hand Aamir Khan should apologize for that tap dance in the beginning. Camera work is beautiful, and the only technical aspect that was not up to mark were special effects. The amount of cars crashed and flying through the air must have made Rohit Shetty green with envy.

Dhoom 3 is definitely the best of the horrible franchise. It is awful but extremely entertaining. So bad it´s good. All glamour, no substance or logic. And apparently every criminal prefers to throw themselves off the cliff rather than be arrested by Jai Dixit.

Do you think he charged producer twice?

3 Deewarein

Directed by: Nagesh Kukunoor

Starring: Naseeruddin Shah, Juhi Chawla, Jackie Shroff, Nagesh Kukunoor, Gulshan Grover

Released: 2003

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

A curious, intriguing movie this is. Amazingly non-glamorous, yet not hyping on any dirt. Lasts little under 2 hours and yet stays with you for quite a while after. Clever and with a twist that you never could expect, but not venturing into an impossible scenario area. As both a sum of its parts and the final product 3 Deewarein is, I feel, severely underrated.

The notorious „bad man“ of Bollywood Gulshan Grover is here a „good man“, leaving aside his comic antics and theatrical villainous acting, trying to run a prison, where the prisoners are treated with humanity and everything is done to support their reformation. But some cases, apparently are beyond help. Three walls are a prison to three death convincts, each distinctly different from one another, but sharing the same lot. And the story serves as a probe to test their mentality and behavior face to face with death punishment and lengthy waiting for it. Nagya (played by director himself), keep believing his innocence would eventually be proved. Ishaan (excellent, excellent Naseeruddin Shah, stealing the show away and being incredibly charming even as a killer) is a sly-operator keeping his cool and plotting his escape. And finally Jaggu (Jackie Shroff) decides to be absolutely stoic, waiting for death as if she was his lover, whom he would welcome with some of his plentiful, melancholic poetry (which he recites so soulfully in his deep sexy voice that everything in me just couldn´t help but to be a Jackie Shroff-fangirl).

The makers did an excellent job in presenting the reality of life in jail and daily routine of the prisoners. When with the characters, you feel indeed enclosed in the same small world they are allowed to exist in, cut off from the world. There is nothing filmi about this prison, neither there is a Hitler-like jailor (waving at you, Sholay) and do not expect a happy song about how awesome it is to be imprisoned (avoid a movie called „Army“ at all cost). Within this atmosphere, both calm and full of anticipation, depending on which of the three condemned prisoners is pulling the story forward, the excellent performances by the actors make an intriguing tapestry of emotions and actions.

The medium through which the plot function though, is Juhi Chawla in a role of a documentary filmmaker. Simply clad, with simple talks, she is not what she appears to be to the world. These days expression „women empowerment“ is being thrown around right left and center, and it is unfair to forget that there have been character in the past that indeed reached the empowerment – Juhi in 3 Deewarein is one of them, as she plays an abused wife who not only decides to satisfy her need for being creative, she manages to win over her husband all by herself too. And meanwhile she is also an avenger. And a rescuer. Her performance is brilliant (and for me personally her best, most intense), her presence among the mournful and pessimist prisoners like a fresh wind. And her despair in scenes showing her personal life nothing less than deeply disturbing.

The movie does not have any songs, but the background score and a lonely, touching melody of a flute, which sounds throughout the prison in the nights, are beautiful. Editing in some of the scenes flawless. There is a bit too much English for my taste, which is one of the minor possible complaints. If you are looking for a really good film, try this one for sure.

Veer

Directed by: Anil Sharma

Starring: Salman Khan, Zarine Khan, Mithun Chakraborthy, Jackie Shroff, Sohail Khan

Released: 2010

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

They called it VEER but I shall forever remember it as WEIRD. But to be honest I don´t thing a proper adjective to describe how awful it is has been invented so far so let me just tell you this: Veer is one of those films that need to be burnt and its ashes then scattered in the deepest space so nobody can ever watch them again. Every mention of it should be erased and those who has seen it should be brainwashed until they don´t remember. Back in the 90s the filmmakers may have already seen that Salman Khan´s film ideas make only a huge mess, and yet not twenty years have passed and they decided to create a movie based on his idea again. Hopefully for the last time ever.

The story is basically dealing the Pindaris (who they really were I had to look up on the net) and one huge betrayal by aging but still having „it“ Jackie Shroff. The betrayed one however was none other than Mithun Chakraborthy, and after cutting off Jackie´s arm, he fled with the rest of his people and raised two sons – Veer (Salman) and another one (played by Sohail Khan). He then sends these sons to England to „absorb“ British cunning ways so they can use that against the English rule and also against Jackie, who is ruling like a Raja in one of the Indian provinces..... 

"Tell me, stranger, how do I to get to Woodstock?"

The time frame of the film is utterly confusing. We are told that Veer was born in early 1870s , so if he is supposed to be 25 in the film, it is taking place somewhere before the year 1900. I can assure you though, that at that time there was no Czechoslovakia (indeed mentioned), there were no black women in British universities, pineapples were not sold in the streets of London, ladies were not wearing such awful dresses and men would actually take off their hats before dancing at a grand royal ball. Nobody is really concerned about minor inaccuracies in films, but Veer is nothing but a shameless history rape.

WHAT ERA IS THIS?

WHAT PLACE IS THIS?

WHAT FASHION IS THIS?

WHAT DRUG IS THIS?

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

WHAT WHAT WHAT?

While in this really strange out-of-time caricature of the British capital, Veer falls in love with an Indian princess studying abroad. Zarine Khan, who essayed the role, is one of those misfortunes brought upon Bollywood audience by Salman. Her face has a striking likeness to Katrina Kaif and they both share the same stoned face, seemingly unable to move no matter what their character is supposed to feel. She doesn´t suit Salman as a pairing and again her outfits in the movie were anything by accurate (historically and geographically). The bad choice and presentation of the heroine kills of the romantic part of the film.

Was this that "Come in your Princess Haloween costume" scene?

The patriotic part of the film is unforgivably boring. The script and twist are not at all exciting (though curiously still a bit better than the utter snooze-fest called Mangal Pandey, where it was Aamir Khan trying to convince his countrymen it would be a good idea to kick the British out of India), the action quite ridiculous because of all the unrealistic effects that are supposed to make Salman look like war God defying the very basics of physics, but are not cool as a part of what aspired to be a historic megafilm. Mithun and Jackie easily steal the show whenever they are in the frame, even their roles are not that bad, but they are not given a proper storyline of their own, that would utilize their talents (especially not Jackie). 

"Dude, I owned Salman money. But what is your excuse for being here?"

"I was high."

Veer really is weird. The London part is the worst, with an obligatory scene with a super racist white teacher insulting his students so Salman can have another patriotic speech, and with streets full of young white women who look so happy and positive you start thinking if they are on drugs. And thus I have to warn you – think twice before you let the bleeding Salman with an axe in his hand ride onto your TV screen. Unless you´re in a mood for one of the most unintentionally hilarious films ever.

"One day nobody in India will remember Bata shoes are from the Czech republic, which does not yet exist, but we mention it here as Czechoslovakia for the sake of sounding extremely creative and knowledgable! Ha! Your move!"

 

Dahleez

Directed by: Ravi Chopra

Starring: Meenakshi Sheshadri, Jackie Shroff, Raj Babbar, Smita Patil, Dalip Tahil

Released: 1986

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

A fine film about first loves not meant to be and how it´s difficult to realize a marriage can be full of love unspoken. Triangular love stories were, are and always will be in demand and Dahleez follows the suit, with the difference that the loser in this is not forced to die a valiant death and there is nobody fourth found to pacify him.

Meenakshi Sheshadri, who remains unjustly and painfully forgotten by 90% of Bollywood viewers today, is Naini, a beautiful girl catching an eye of Shekar and another of her friends (Jackie Shroff and Dalip Tahil being rather ridiculous trying to pass off as students) and ultimately choosing Shekar. Few songs later the two depart and plan to meet, but due to unexpected issue Shekar cannot make it. He unwisely sends his friend to explain this to Naini, but instead she is told by this rejected and jealous suitor Shekar is not interested in her anymore. Without examining the matter Naini feels insulted and retreats from Shekar´s life completely, leaving him confused and heartbroken.

...I so totally believe you guys are students who came camping.

Friendly advice: full focus on Meenakshi during the early part of the film helps.

The two meet few years later by an accident while skying in Kashmir, but before anything can be said Naini runs away and Shekar is left with his questions and unrequired love again. We are shown he became an army officer, who occasionally pours his heart out in songs he sings on TV (indeed), unknowingly wretching the heart of poor Naini who is made to listen to him – by her music loving and nothing suspecting husband Rahul (Raj Babbar). Indeed, the girl got hurt once, never sought any explanation from the guy she loved and got married, pretty much to show him she can do without him. But Shekar is not one of those who give up easily. Once he and Naini are forced to sing a weepy love song on TV together (ah the awkwardness of the „accidents“!) and her army husband leaves to train troops against terrorists (which requires his celibate apparently), Naini and Shekar start seeing each other again, him still in love and her not completely over him either....

The awkward moment...

..when Jackie is on TV...

...singing about you being a heartless bench...

...and your husband is enjoying it.

Beautiful Meenakshi and young, fit and sexy Raj Babbar were both excellent, Jackie (also young , fit and sexy) however had a rather ungrateful role of a showpiece for most of the movie. Some side characters deserved better treatment – namely Smita Patil, who appears for just a few minutes only to kill and to die in a fit of patriotic fervor. The action and emotional drama was not really well combined, especially by the end the action bits completely took over for the sake of some „dishum dishum“ without which any 80s film just couldn´t exist, plus it was needed for us to understand that Naini has to choose between two really patriotic and righteous and brave and macho men – with them saving each others life without having a clue they both love the same woman (long live the awkward!).

The 80s hold the greatest number of films that are just bad when it comes to Bollywood and it is not completely unjustified to label them the „dark times“ of Hindi film industry, yet Dahleez is one of those movies that could work very well had it not been for over-grown students (Jackie and Dalip at the beggining), some crappy dialogues, not quite engaging action sequences and not good enough development of Shekar´s character. It still has things to offer – like some melodious songs (though none gives us the chance to see Meenakshi´s unquestionable dancing genius), solid performance by Meenakshi Sheshadri and Raj Babbar at his watchable best.

Sirf Tum

Directed by: Agathiyan

Starring: Sanjay Kapoor, Priya Gill, Mohnish Bell, Salman Khan, Jackie Shroff, Sushmita Sen

Released: 1999

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

There is a guy called Deepak. He is nice, well-mannered, well-dressed, honest, pleasant, honourable, in other words he has not one single flaw. From time to time he meets a new person – for example on a train – and he notes down the person´s name and date of birth. Why? Because he is so, so good and nice that he likes to post birthday cards to these people he´ll probably never meet again. Once he finds a lady´s purse and as a true gentleman sends it by the post to the owner, who obviously had been robbed. Apart from her address he also gets to know her birth date. Which means one more card to be send every year. He doesn´t mind though. The young woman, or rather girl, Aarti who was overjoyed to see her lost purse once again, starts regularly corresponding with him and both fall in love with each other through letters. However they decide (for whatever reason I don´t get) that they will not exchange pictures, because „our love will reach from the heart to eyes“ or some nonsense like that. I would like to note that I am a great romantic and don´t believe that appearance is the most important thing in a relationship, but some beliefs are.... way too naive.

To make sure she recognizes him, when they would finally agree to meet, she makes him a rather ugly sweater (I suspect she is a Rishi Kapoor fan). He is supposed to wear it when the big day comes.

Must say that I for one would not give my address to this guy.

But then Deepak decides to leave his job in... where ever he was... because some workers refused to work and thought they´d beat him instead, and move to Delhi. Here he meets new friends (aka Jackie Shroff being wasted and Mohnish Bell being sleazy) and his beautiful employee (aka Sushmita Sen being annoyingly childish). But when she reveals she has feeling for him some time later he decides to leave his profitable job, because his heart belongs to Aarti. Meanwhile she refuses to marry a handsome, good and rich boy (aka Salman Khan being Prem – literally) and to escape from future suggestions she finds this the best time to meet Deepak. BUT here comes the catch – he didn´t send her his new address (WTF) and neither of them has ever seen each other (I knew this was going to cause some minor problems). So even while she is sobbing at the backseat of a rickshaw, she wouldn´t recognize him even if he was driving it (hint, hint)....

Salman Khan being wasted.

Jackie Shroff being wasted.

Sushmita Sen being pretty much wasted too.

Sirf Tum is a feel good film. If you do not demand a visually pleasing hero, that is. If you do, don´t even try to watch this one. Sanjay Kapoor was not blessed with either looks or charisma. His acting skills too leave much to be desired. However he is one of those actors, that are actually so non-interesting you cannot hate them. The non-existent screen presence gives you a chance to imagine whomever you want to in Sanjay´s place, which at times is almost necessary. The film, however, is taking place in some weird alternative reality, where Sanjay Kapoor is the handsomest and most desirable man alive and women cannot stop themselves from throwing themselves at him at any occassion. From horny co-workers to illiterate Malayam girls and of course beautiful employees. The only one who doesn´t give a damn about him when meeting him is ironically Aarti.

Sorry Sanjay. Only Rishi can pull off a sweater like this.

I´ve never seen Priya Gill before and she was good here, though it is not the same level of „good“ you associate with actresses like Juhi Chawla or Kareena Kapoor. Her character annoyed the heck out of me though. There was nothing likeable about her, no warmth and her tears did not move me. In fact the way she scolded the very much helpful Deepak (of course not knowing who he was till he revealed that hideous sweater) was nothing else but bitchy. On the other hand, much more famous Sushmita Sen did not really take an opportunity to shine either, and ended up looking immature and pathetic.

Best performances are actually given by two cameo artists! Jackie Shroff, having about 5 minutes of screen time, completely overpowered Sanjay. Salman Khan appearing in his favourite avatar of „Prem“ is very good and one wished to see more.

The film moves slowly, has hummable but forgettable songs and gets way too boring at times. A decent watch for the undemanding. In fact, I even wonder how I managed to write a review this long. Most interesting thing about it is that after I have written it I noticed my program automatically changed the title to Sirf Rum.

Why? Why couldn´t he look like Salman?

Devdas (2002)

Director: Sanjay Leela Bhansali

Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Madhuri Dixit, Aishwarya, Rai, Jackie Shroff, Kirron Kher

Released: 2002

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

The story of Devdas, set in 19^th century India, has first seen the light of day as a short novel by Saratchandra Chattopadhyay in 1917. The author was deeply dissatisfied with his own work and objected strongly against its publication. „It was written in a drunken state,“ he admitted. „I am ashamed of the book now. It is immoral. There is a prostitute in it and God knows what else!“ But the book was published still and it became probably the most popular Indian text of modern time. The journey of a man overpowered by his own weakness has made its way into the world of films more then ten times already, one of the most recent adaptation being the one by Sanjay Leela Bhansali. Released in 2002 the movie was a super-hit and already is being labelled as classic. Many people from other countries choose it as their first Indian movie and for many of them it is an all-time favourite. What is the magic here?

The story is not complicated. Devdas and Paro are childhood sweethearts up until the moment Devdas is sent away by his displeased father to study law in London. When he finally returns, he is a grown man and Paro blossomed into a stunningly beautiful girl. The separation did not shatter the closeness between the two, and soon they fall in love. However Paro´s family has a lower social status and hence the marriage is out of the question in the eyes of the young man´s parents. Things are made even worse when Devdas´ mother publicly insults the mother of Paro, after which the latter swears she will wed her daughter to a family even richer then the one of Devdas. After a heated argument with his father Devdas gives into his weakness and instead of standing up to his parents runs away from home, leaving confused and broken-hearted Paro behind. Only after realizing his mistake he comes back only to arrive on the day of Paro´s wedding to a much older man. Half-mad with pain Devdas seeks the company of beautiful courtesan Chandramukhi and for the first time he raises the glass of alcohol to his lips....

Devdas as handsome English gentleman....

Devdas was my first Bollywood experience, and what an experience! The genius of Sanjay Leela Bhansali´s sensitive touch is breathing from every single frame, not one place in the movie is boring, every detail has its meaning. It is udisputable, that Bhansali is way ahead of everyone when it comes the work with colours and materials. His dedication to every aspect of the project in making is admirable. To endow a film with such opulence it is easy to loose the touch with story-telling, but that is not the case with Bhansali´s Devdas. The director changed some aspects of the story, for which some people could not forgive him, but all the changes in the end contributed to the ultimate appeal of the film. Shahrukh Khan did probably described the film best, when he mentioned it as „visual orgasm“. The lavish sets and marvelous costumes leave one brethless and stunned, but in the end the story was what remained in memory the most.

All the characters are wonderfully human. There is Devdas, who is weak-willed and rather spoilt, but all he longs for is in fact appreciation of his father. There is Paro, who is dignified and dutiful, but at the same time she has pride. And the prostitute, that the author of the original novel was in the end horrified of, is a woman supposedly with no valued in life, yet she is the one who sarifices her peace of mind for a man who will never love her. The three main protagonists have done a brilliant job. Devdas is by many (including me) considered Shahrukh Khan´s best role till date. His Devdas, who comes from London, has an air of grandieur and arrogance to him, which melts completely into a self-pity and wallowing in the second part of the movie, only to be reduced to man pursuing his dying wish. Aishwarya Rai gave the role of Paro her glamorous beauty, that perfectly compliments the dignity of the character. Her most powerful scene has to be the final „run for the gate“, where she manages to be absolutely heart-breaking.

Paro and her diya...

And then there is of course Madhuri Dixit. Her Chandramukhi is by far the most convincing and the most interesting character in the film. When she first appears, you feel she is mischievous, level-headed women very much aware of her charm and abilities. You know she is intelligent and sensitive, and very, very much emphatic. And when love happens to her, she gives into it and treasures it, evne though it´s unanswered up until the final parting with Devdas. Madhuri Dixit has always had a gift to portrai a woman completely in love, and this time she combined this quality with tragic passions and devotion. Her Chandramukhi is breathing, thinking, living person, whom everybody would love. That is her magnificent acting power.

Of the supporting characters Kiron Kherr as Paro´s mother and Jackie Shroff as Chunillal are given the most space, and both are making the most of it. Especially Jackie proved his versatility, because the light-headed drunkard with good heart is nowhere near the roles he had done previously. His interaction with both Madhuri and Shahrukh is very natural. The only actress, whose performance was somehow over the top and not pleasant to watch was Ananya Khare, in the role of Kumud, who, I felt, was trying to hard and failed to impress. Some might say she was meant to be annoying, but I don´t think that´s a justification for the over-dramatic acting.

Meet Chandramukhi - woman literally as beautiful as the Moon

Just like he is amazing in his work with visual part of the film, Bhansali is also known as a great lover of music. Songs and dance numbers in his films are not meant just to pass the time, they are the essential part of the storytelling. As a result Devdas has been given a truly outstanding musical score, where every song is a sheer delight. And the picturization is just as satisfactory. The energetic and lively Dola Re Dola is in my oppinion the grandest dance number in the Hindi cinema ever. The purely Indian Kahe Chhed Mohe is an enchanting fairytale and lyrical Maar Daala weaves magic. Silsila Yee Chahat Ka is a golden moment for all lovers of the singer Shreya Goshal.

Looking at this film objectively, seeing it´s splendor and opulence, one has to admit Devdas is not realistic as such. One needs to perceive it as a fairytale or a different world, much more grand and much more colourful. However the emotional impact and love tragedy, that leaves Romeo and Juliet in shame, is wonderfully moving and captivating. It is a splendid movie.

This is the one scene that ALWAYS makes me cry!