Hawaizaada

Directed by: Vibhu Puri

Starring: Ayushman Khuranna, Pallavi Sharda, Mithun Chakraborthy

Released: 2015

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Loosely based on the life and alleged achievements of Shivkar Talpade, who is sometimes credited as a maker of the first unmanned plane, which he supposedly constructed with the help of Vedic texts as leads for proportions and materials, Hawaizaada is a product with an ambition to be part Lagaan, part Bollywood extravaganza. I would have enjoyed the film a lot more if it didn´t feel like a huge Saawariya hangover. Mind you, Saawariya is to me a gem of a film, one of my most favourite movies ever. But here the inspiration with Bhansali style of making films is so rampant it actually out-Bhansalies the Bhansali. The one thing missing though is the mystery, atmosphere and deep feeling of it all. Cinematography is stunning and details poetic and wonderful, yet the picturesque beauty lacks soul.

Not only the fairytale-like, colour-harmonized sets larger than life feel familiar. Ayushman Khuranna as Shivy feels familiar too. As if "Raj" from Saawariya just stepped into another story with a different face. They are both young, carefree, optimistic and playing instruments, not worrying of where they are to sleep tonight or what tomorrow will bring. They both fall for a girl who is beautiful in a second, and she becomes their obsession. Where Ranbir was believable in the role, Ayushman does not strike the chord. Perhaps my knowledge of his previous movies interfered too much with the innocence shown here, and so I was simply not convinced, even less so during his weeping scenes. As the film progresses, Ayushman´s over the top act gets actually really annoying. The exumberant, forced smiles, the constant shaking of the head and stubbornly repeated sentimental lines – Shivy with his head of artificial curls has nothing on Ranbir´s Raj. Pallavi Shardha is a girl who I think is destined to be lost to Bollywood viewers soon, simply because she just has hardly any screen presence. Unless luck smiles upon her, I don´t think she will stick around for long as a lead actress.

Then there is of course Mithun Chakraborthy, a man grossly underrated because once upon a time 80s happened to him. I cannot say a bad word about him, and if there is any failing with his character of Shastry, just pin it on the screenplay please.

Clearly, the film was meant to boost some patriotism, being after all set at the time of British dominance over India. And so you can be sure there are petty English officers (awful actors) speaking awful Hindi - even among themselves, and some big patriotic speeches and mottos. I like patriotism, just in films it sometimes gets too much. Hawaizaada does overstep the line, more dramatically as it goes on. Furthermore: I am not keen on technical aspects of building planes, but the movie made it look as easy as nailing few boards together. It takes one particularly harmless bomb to set free and flee with a prisoner right from a courtroom, and the British only find out hours (days?) later. Well, no wonder, since they also apparently have no idea where to look for the guy, even though he lives on a big-ass ship that keeps the lights on and is clearly inhabited.

Better, tighter screenplay and more emphasis on the conflict between love for a girl and dedication to a teacher and friend could have made Hawaizaada a very good film in spite of the blatant ripping off of Saawariya. As it is, it does not deserve more than an average rating.  

Boss

Directed by: Anthony D´Souza

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Mithun Chakraborthy, Shiv Pandit, Danny Denzongpa, Ronit Roy, Aditi Rao Hydari

Released: 2013

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

This film made no sense at all (including having opening titles 40 minutes into the film). And no kind of "it is supposed to be brainless" justifies how LAME the whole plot was. At least your characters and their basic principles should not be contradicting themselves.

Possibly the most essential role in the film is that of a father, because the relationship he shares with his son is the driving motivation for EVERYTHING that takes place, and gaining his affection is what the whole plot is striving for. However, as good an actor as Mithunda is, I found his character obnoxious and holier than thou. I could perhaps understand him being furious after the other boy was killed, but when the kid comes out of the jail he is viciously attacked by several armed adult men and he HITS THEM WITH A BUCKET, which results in father rejecting him forever without even giving him an opportunity to say a word in his own defence. WTF??? And in the end, when the boy´s death turns out to had been accidental, this father accepts the son even though he now IS a goonda and just killed a guy in front of him (and possibly have killed others, as is implied earlier in the film). What about your high principles babuji?

Just let me collect my feelings Babuji....

The film did not have to be a waste at all. It definitely had potential. In fact the first 40 minutes were rather intruiging, setting the backdrop for the later story. Kick-ass Danny Denzongpa who could really still kick your ass even today was awesome, the villainous police officer (whom everybody kept calling by his first name which was just weird) really menacing, and the young pair of lovebirds adequate. And then out of nowhere Akshay is beating people to some desi beat and riding cars on just two wheels through the desert. The tone of the film changed so abruptly it was not welcomed. What I thought would be a gripping family drama suddenly transformed into a silly comedy. Given it was not all bad, there were funny bits, but way too often slipping to OTT. I kept thinking that the basic idea of the movie would work very well - if it was either thriller or comedy, but definitely not as both. The mix did not work in film´s favour. At one point I hoped that Boss would be torn between loyalty to Danny and that to his family, and he would have to deal with lots of emotional drama. Instead his bro got into jail. So he set him free. And he got there again. So he again set him free. And that was it.

Bhai ka pyaar comes with an extra pair of cool shades

Aditi Rao Hydari was another contradiction. She is supposed to be "sabse alak" and her first shot is raising out of a pool in bikini, but firstly her strength is being cute and not sexy and secondly for the rest of the film she is as average as you can imagine, not to mention covered from head to toe. I hoped for some confrontation between her and her brother, but there is none, not even when she is supposed to send him to blazing hell. Then again, women do not have any importance in the Boss universe. If leave out sabse most covered Aditi, all we are left is bunch of "gori whoris" in the songs (which were all unquestionably pathetic). Party all night has possibly the most disgusting and cheap picturization this year. BTW notice how the only girl wearing something more than a bra and tiny skirt is another sabse alak Sonakshi Sinha, in a cameo TRULY unworthy of her talent.

Akshay has never looked more desperate

And how

da phuck

did this

made it through Censor board?

To sum it up, Boss had a great start and then started limping just like the old babuji, only to end up in the same place as the bomb-chika-chika-bum. It could have been really good, if they had sorted out what they were making in the first place and adjusted the script accordingly. The movie can also boast with many awesome names that have made place for themselves in our hearts, and they do deliver in whatever way they are allowed to, but truly, they all deserve much better

I think I´l l disown him for that party.

Khiladi 786

Directed by: Ashish R Mohan

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Asin, Mithun Chakraborthy, Raj Babbar

Released: 2012

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I have learned that a good colourful „silly“ masalla is one of the best things that can happen if you feel blue or need to relax. With an intention to be entertained and setting into my graciously forgiving mood I started watching the latest Akshay Kumar release, that same actor whom I didn´t mind in Rowdy Rathore and thought him pure adorable in OMG Oh My God earlier in 2012. I understand „Khiladi“ is a trademark for him, but from what I have understood, the original „Khiladi“ series were thrillers (?), which this one is anything but, which, after all, was clear from the posters and promos. I had next to no expectations of the film and thought that I could pretty much predict the whole thing. I was wrong.

Akshay Kumar (because his filmy name is too long and impossible to spell correctly for me) is from a Punjab family, into which nobody wants to marry their daughters – because they are goondas, you see (in what way is never really shown), and so they have to marry women from other nations (because obviously those don´t care about your background). But Akshay would really like an Indian girl, unfortunatelly his proposals are being rejected one by one. 

Enter Mansukh, a son of a match-maker, recently thrown out from home for ruining his father´s reputation, and hired (more by mistake than anyhting else) to find a groom for Indu, sister of Mumbai Don TT (Mithun Chakraborty). Indu is a spoiled brat who already has a boyfriend, but he is in jail and every single time he is to be released something or the other happens which prolongs his stay behind bars. Indu is patient, but her time is running out, because Mansukh immeditelly has a groom for her in mind – Akshay, who just like ghosts and true pyaar cannot be seen when he moves quickly (not sure that is the best news you can give a bride … but...ehmm... well.....). However Mansukh doesn´t know Akshay is not a policeman, and neither are his relatives, as they claim to be. And to top it he has to lie to them about the girl´s family, and also makes Mithun and his household members of a Mumbai police squad.

After the first 40 or so minutes I was ready to love the movie. It felt funny. Silly, sure, but genuinely funny. Then something happened, fun disappeared, and it just slowly became boring. Akshay is being Akshay, that one who absolutely needs to stop doing films like this for several more years to come. Seriously. Rowdy Rathore, Joker and Khiladi may have had different plotlines and presented him as three different people, but he presented all that in the exact same way, so much you can hardly find any difference between them. His best performance of 2012 thus remains supporting role in OMG Oh My God, any by far it was also the best out of five films he gave us last year.

I always welcome any glimpse of „old“ stars like Mithun Chakraborthy and Raj Babbar, who are largely in the shadows these days, but rarely they get a role that would do them justice in any way. I think the last time I saw Mithun doing something that mattered was in Guru. Asin is as much a leading lady as Bharti Singh (who has short and completely useless subplot to handle). I keep hearing about how amazing she she in her Southern films, and can´t just stop wondering why she is satisfied with playing „bushes in the back“, because that is pretty much everything she has done in Bollywood so far. She doesn´t even have much of a screen presence (like for example another girl, who needs to do more substantial roles – Sonakshi Sinha), and you just couldn´t care about her less.

That characters are sketchy, music bad, jokes over the top and double standarts for men and women regarding age as obvious as ever (27 years old Asin is romancing 45 years old Akshay while being 62 years old Mithun´s sister).... all that I could live with quite well, if only it was a laugh-riot. It wasn´t. Khiladi 876 is actually so forgettable I cannot even recommend it.

Veer

Directed by: Anil Sharma

Starring: Salman Khan, Zarine Khan, Mithun Chakraborthy, Jackie Shroff, Sohail Khan

Released: 2010

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

They called it VEER but I shall forever remember it as WEIRD. But to be honest I don´t thing a proper adjective to describe how awful it is has been invented so far so let me just tell you this: Veer is one of those films that need to be burnt and its ashes then scattered in the deepest space so nobody can ever watch them again. Every mention of it should be erased and those who has seen it should be brainwashed until they don´t remember. Back in the 90s the filmmakers may have already seen that Salman Khan´s film ideas make only a huge mess, and yet not twenty years have passed and they decided to create a movie based on his idea again. Hopefully for the last time ever.

The story is basically dealing the Pindaris (who they really were I had to look up on the net) and one huge betrayal by aging but still having „it“ Jackie Shroff. The betrayed one however was none other than Mithun Chakraborthy, and after cutting off Jackie´s arm, he fled with the rest of his people and raised two sons – Veer (Salman) and another one (played by Sohail Khan). He then sends these sons to England to „absorb“ British cunning ways so they can use that against the English rule and also against Jackie, who is ruling like a Raja in one of the Indian provinces..... 

"Tell me, stranger, how do I to get to Woodstock?"

The time frame of the film is utterly confusing. We are told that Veer was born in early 1870s , so if he is supposed to be 25 in the film, it is taking place somewhere before the year 1900. I can assure you though, that at that time there was no Czechoslovakia (indeed mentioned), there were no black women in British universities, pineapples were not sold in the streets of London, ladies were not wearing such awful dresses and men would actually take off their hats before dancing at a grand royal ball. Nobody is really concerned about minor inaccuracies in films, but Veer is nothing but a shameless history rape.

WHAT ERA IS THIS?

WHAT PLACE IS THIS?

WHAT FASHION IS THIS?

WHAT DRUG IS THIS?

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

WHAT WHAT WHAT?

While in this really strange out-of-time caricature of the British capital, Veer falls in love with an Indian princess studying abroad. Zarine Khan, who essayed the role, is one of those misfortunes brought upon Bollywood audience by Salman. Her face has a striking likeness to Katrina Kaif and they both share the same stoned face, seemingly unable to move no matter what their character is supposed to feel. She doesn´t suit Salman as a pairing and again her outfits in the movie were anything by accurate (historically and geographically). The bad choice and presentation of the heroine kills of the romantic part of the film.

Was this that "Come in your Princess Haloween costume" scene?

The patriotic part of the film is unforgivably boring. The script and twist are not at all exciting (though curiously still a bit better than the utter snooze-fest called Mangal Pandey, where it was Aamir Khan trying to convince his countrymen it would be a good idea to kick the British out of India), the action quite ridiculous because of all the unrealistic effects that are supposed to make Salman look like war God defying the very basics of physics, but are not cool as a part of what aspired to be a historic megafilm. Mithun and Jackie easily steal the show whenever they are in the frame, even their roles are not that bad, but they are not given a proper storyline of their own, that would utilize their talents (especially not Jackie). 

"Dude, I owned Salman money. But what is your excuse for being here?"

"I was high."

Veer really is weird. The London part is the worst, with an obligatory scene with a super racist white teacher insulting his students so Salman can have another patriotic speech, and with streets full of young white women who look so happy and positive you start thinking if they are on drugs. And thus I have to warn you – think twice before you let the bleeding Salman with an axe in his hand ride onto your TV screen. Unless you´re in a mood for one of the most unintentionally hilarious films ever.

"One day nobody in India will remember Bata shoes are from the Czech republic, which does not yet exist, but we mention it here as Czechoslovakia for the sake of sounding extremely creative and knowledgable! Ha! Your move!"

 

Guru

Directed by: Mani Ratnam

Starring: Abhishek Bachchan, Mithun Chakraborthy, Aishwarya Rai, Madhavan, Vidya Balan

Released: 2007

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

It might have been the setting, the overall look of the film, which was visually very pleasing, it might have been a really good music - and it was definitely the great work of all the actors involved, that earned this movie such a high mark from me. I generally love films set in the past, and for whatever reason they are rather rare in Bollywood, which is only a reason more why to appreciate Guru.

The film opens in the year 1951 in a small Gujarat village, where young boy has both big dreams and strict unsupportive father. Gurukant (or Guru) because of that practically runs away from home, absolutely determined to make it big no matter what, and because he does not lack common sense, he enters the spice trade business in Turkey, learns everything there is to learn about making money and at that point he decides he´s worked enough for others and the time has come to work for himself. But big dreams cost a lot and upon his return to India Guru does not have financial resources to start his own business. 

Poor and ambitious groom.

He decides to take the quickest and most popular way to enrich himself – he gets married. He does not care at all if the girl in question does not like him, if she has tried to runaway with somebody else, if she is older to him, or even if she is ugly – and except for the last bit all those things are true. An so drop-dead gorgeous Sujata is married off to Guru, and in spite of not all that romantic beginning their relationship grows stronger with time, until by the end it is really the only stable thing in Guru´s life...

Rich and unimpressed bride.

Anyway – finally Guru has enough money, and because he´s bold, daring and not ashamed of not-that-completely-legal ways either, his business soon starts to progress. And it grows bigger. And bigger.... Enjoying popularity among thousands of people he provides with jobs, Guru ruthlessly pursues success. Bribing people and smuggling parts for polyester mills and other machines that fill his factories is a daily bread for him. But all this success is also a source of a serious rift that is created between Guru and Manik Dasgupta – aging but still ass-kicking Mithun Chakraborthy in a role worthy of his talent and once legendary status – a mighty newspaper publisher, who for years acted like a father figure to him, because „nanaji“ does not approve of Guru´s illegal means. His untiring attempts to reveal Guru´s illegal actions give me a reason for immense happiness, because that is where Madhavan (Madhavaaaaaaaaannnnn.... oooooooohhhhhhhh.........my teddy bear.... my chweeeeeeeeeett chweeeeeeett teddy..... that dusky colouring and those eyeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss..... I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu) comes into the picture, even if for a limited time....

The disco dancer of the 80s! YAY!

Abhishek Bachchan is astoundingly good as Guru, with all the changes that happen through the progress of time in the movie – from witty and stubborn youngster, through manipulative and arrogant businessman to ultimately depressed and helpless patient, he convinces the viewer completely. The film is his, and he proves that he is a very good actor. I believe a lot of him not being a saleable actor come from the lack of x-factor then acting skills, and many people also don´t take him seriously because of his father´s larger than life persona he, sadly and unfairly, has to compete with. At the same time Abshishek has given a fair share of bad and „lazy“ performances, and nobody will convince me he is not getting the lead roles still because of his family name and connections.

Abhishek´s physical "evolution" in the film was impressive - including grey hair and weight gain.

The role of Guru is meaty, there is a lot to work with, but somehow it wouldn´t be completely without supporting characters, that help to shape the image of the hero throughout the story. Already I have mentioned Sujata – Aishwarya, looking splendidly gorgeous (which, let´s face it, is the first thing that comes to your mind when she appears) and giving a great performance herself. Both those facts are reasons why I was a bit disappointed by the amount of screen-time she was given, in fact she hardly has had any role in the second half. Not fair, really.

Aishwarya as the woman behind the man.

I have already mentioned that Mithun Chakraborthy has not lost anything from his charisma or acting skill, and I was actually surprised how happy I was to see him on the screen. Madhavan, my teddy bear, was excellent as always. There is something incredibly likeable about him. And he is good. Period. His pairing with Vidya Balan (as Mithun´s grand-daughter slowly dying of multiple sclerosis), is very pleasant and his love for her incredibly touching. Their storyline gave the film a gentle feel and romantic touch, that somehow was amiss from Guru´s own relationship with his wife (where there was love, caring, devotion, but not much of a „romantic romance“).

With all due respect to Abhi/Aish, these two were THE jodi for me.

The atmosphere, the overall look and music, everything is done with much apparent care and together with performances and very human story creates an interesting collage, which at time, I admit is on the verge of boredom, but ultimately works.

Parivaar

Directed by: Shashilal K. Nair

Starring: Mithun Chakraborthy, Meenakshi Sheshadri, Shakti Kapoor

Released: 1987

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

A film about a tightly knot family consisting of a man, two orphans, a monkey and a dog. Yes, you heard right. And if the children´s tears leave you cool, the crying dog and sobbing monkey will make up for it (maybe). But here we are running too much ahead....

Birju is an honest con artist, who is raising two children, whom he both had found as babies trown away by their parents. To earn a living for them, himself and two faithful beasts – a monkey and a German sheperd dog, he slogs day and night, but never complains, because the closeness and love between all the members of this curious parivaar makes up for all the possible hardships. Where would Birju find a time for love? However a fate brings love straight to his home. Being thrown out of the house by her in-laws because of in-suficient dowry, a young woman Anita tries to commit suicide, but is rescued by the joint effort of the two small kids and their two animal companions (let´s not question the near impossibility of the deed, after all this film is not short of miracles and WTFs).

Looking high but happy.

She finds a comforting shelter in a poor hut Birju shares with his family, and taking the matters of the house into her own hands she seems to be completely happy and satisfied in the new sorroundings short of wealth but not of love and appreciation. But nothing is permanent and soon it seems that the parivaar shall be torn apart, because the dowry Anita had lost previously, is now found, and her husband would like to claim it...

The main leads are Mithun Chakraborthy and Meenakshi Sheshadri (I wanted to see the film for her, because it´s actually pretty difficult to find her films), and even though Meenakshi has less screen-space, she and her character prove that screen-space is not everything. Except for several dubbed crying scenes and rather brow-raising rescue by the children she is pleasant to watch. She has something that makes her different from other Indian actresses, and maybe because she doesn´t remind one of Sridevi in any way she got her share of success even during the greatest Sridevi craze in the mid-80s. Her dancing is amazing and in the song Ram Bakht Hanuman she expresses so much pain she feels (both mental and physical) your heart goes out to her.

The heart-stealer!

Mithun does the usual righteous, poor and lecturing others role, which I´ve seen him doing quite a few times already. He seems to be very comfortable with these kinds of characters and so delivers a good performance without much effort. The children, especially the girl, were good. The animals are way smarter then all the other famous beasts put together (yes, even more then the pigeon from Maine Pyar Kiya or Tuffy from Hum Aapke Hain Koun!) and they handle everything from offering in a mandir to driving a car to catch the bad guys.

Yo, problem?

The story itself is interesting enough and has substance, but could have been handled better, and the film overall suffers - from being an 80s film! Too many unnecessary scenes and subplots. Too many scenes in serious need of being shorter. Too many illogical things. Too many miracles. Some really WTF stuff (like when the monkey at the end turning into Hannuman and jumping all around, setting the place on fire). 

Hmm. Seems legit.

No disrespect to hinduism, but there was some serious and less then impressive overuse of godly interventions. And let-us-put-this-crap-into-it-as-well-it-will-be-rocking-like-hell ending action scene, in which for whatever reason is always the WHOLE cast including the two kids, the monkey and the dog.... the latter two save everybody´s sitting parts.

You shall not pass.

You shall not pass.

You shall not pass.

You guys watch too much Lord of the Rings!