Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Directed by: Zoya Akhtar

Starring: Hrithik Roshan, Farhan Akhtar, Abhay Deol, Katrina Kaif, Kalki Koechlin

Released: 2011

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Even among the not that impressive pieces Bollywood managed to churn out this year (which I overally rate as very poor) it is possible to find several pearls and Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara is definitely one of them. It was largely compared to Dil Chahta Hai, but even though it will probably not gain such a cult status, it has made a great impact on the audience and I even dare say it is in many aspects better. One of the greatest plus points for me was a truly equal importance of the three main characters and that they had an equal amount of screentime (whil in DCH it was mostly Aamir with two other heroes criminally sidelined, but more about that in DCH review which is eventually coming as well...).

The story starts with one rather awkward misunderstading. Kabir (Abhay) shows his girlfriend Natasha (Kalki) a ring he bought, which immediately leads her to accept what she considers a marriage proposal – only to find out seconds later he had bought the ring for his mother. However not wanting to embarrass himself or Natasha in public (because it kinda all happened on a birthday party) he actually does propose. And as soon as excited Natasha starts planning her perfect wedding, Kabir is going for a three-week long bachelor trip through Spain with his old friends Imraan (Farhan) and Arjun (Hrithik), as they had promised to each other years ago. The catch of the trip is that each of them is supposed to secretly choose an adventure sport and all three have to go through it no matter what (MEN! Or maybe more like.... BWOYS!).

Bwoys chale Spain.

However old rishtas are not as perfect as they used to be – especially the bond between Arjun and Imraan has apparently suffered. And as it turns out, none of them is going to Spain just to enjoy a trip. Arjun is trying to run away from being emotionally hurt by his ex-girlfriend getting married, Imraan is searching for his biological father and Kabir himself may not be actually be that happy about the prospect of getting married soon... All that is what probably makes them even more adamant when it comes to the adventure sports they have chosen – from scuba-diving to an annual Spanish custom of running with the bulls. All the sports can go terribly wrong. But maybe facing the death with and realizing that you don´t live twice is what the whole trip is about...

Or maybe it all is about an unforgivable waste of food.

Slow (at the verge of boring) at times, rapid at moments, even in its pace, the film is relying on the script more than anything else. Sure, the big star and glamor factor is included in the form of Hrithik and Katrina Kaif, but eventually their screentime is no longer than that of the rest of the actors (in the case of Katrina it´s actually very limited) as I have mentioned at the very beginning. It does use the gorgeous Spanish scenery, but somehow you feel it´s not about visual amazement, more like about what all that visual beauty evokes in you. And the same case is with music, which frames everything nicely. Basically everything deserves a praise from an un-fearing direction to delightufully fine performances. It was refreshing to see someone as impressive but underrated as Farhan doing such a fabulous job as Imraan, looking for his biological father without really knowing what to expect and being ultimately disappointed by what he finds (even though considering he finds the very much amazing Naseeruddin Shah it´s almost criminal to say it like that). It was fun to see Abhay Deol in a rather fun role for a change and it was definitely a treat to watch Hrithik morphing from an arrogant and self-centered businessman into an emotional human being (but not as emotional as to be called over the top or unbelievable).

Moshi moshi!

Katrina Kaif, for the first time in her life, managed not to make me fall asleep, and actually did a good job. One can always argue the role she had was not challenging (it definitely was not as it apparently reflected Katrina´s own personality a lot and did not go through any development), but she did well with whatever she was given. If there was something I did not like about her it was her lisping. I usually cannot hear her bad Hindi pronunciation (being a non-Hindi speaker myself), but she lisps even in English, most of the time her „r“ comes out as „w“. Kalki Koechlin is a delight. She is a far cry from the typical Bollywood beauties, but her earthy and real attitude combined with natural charm makes her truly endearing even if her character is not. And of course, who can forget about Bagwati... wah! Kya acting hai! Plus I´m sure it was Bagwati who made the greatest impact of the whole cast, setting a trend by herself.

The best debutant of 2011.

The movie does not really have a Bollywood or even Indian feel to it, in spite of several songs (and one perfectly performed by the actors themselves) and Farhan´s own beautiful and soulful poetry included. I don´t really think it is a pity, because it works as it is, but should anyone ask, this is definitely not what possible newcomers should expect from Bollywood. We are given some interesting points to think about as well as some excellent one liners and memorable quotes. It all flows beautifully, makes you feel beautifully and maybe you might even learn something about yourself. It gives laughs and gives tears. Just like life that you don´t live twice.

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna

Directed by: Karan Johar

Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Rani Mukherjee, Abhishek Bachchan, Preity Zinta, Amitabh Bachchan, Kirron Kher

Released: 2006

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I will never really understand where did my courage to watch Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna come from. Till this day I have not been able to overcome the outrage and hate that both have come over me after watching Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Ghum, which I consider the worst film I´ve ever seen. I guess it was only my devotion to Shahrukh Khan and my wish to know his complete body of work, combined with being naturally curious what is all the fuss about, that made me watch KANK. After 15 minutes I already knew I was going to suffer.

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna is basically a story about two people whose personalities suck big time and that not as much because of the circumstances but because they choose to. Shahrukh as Dev is an arrogant, selfish and most of all self-pitying brat with no respect whatsoever. Once he was a famous football player but after being hit by a car his career was over and he is limping ever since. Sure, something like that could make anyone deeply depressed, but Dev, rather than trying to move on and be useful, decides to sulk for years, blaming the whole world and mentally terrorizing his little son (I was just waiting for the kid to be hospitalized as mentally unstable and crippled for life). I don´t think I ever disliked any Shahrukh´s character as much. Even when he played an evil person like in Anjaam or Don, there was something you could admire or at least appreciate (even though what they do is wrong). But Dev is just a disgusting piece of existence, giving nothing to anyone, being jealous of his wife´s (Preity) success and destroying every moment of peace for everybody around. I am no fan of perfectly flawless characters , I like it when they are human with flaws, but there is limit to everything. Maybe it was my utter dislike for the character, but either not even Shahrukh´s acting could have make me like Dev or even Shahrukh was just bad in this. Based on my opinion that except for My Name Is Khan Karan Johar has always managed to bring out the worst out of him, I sadly tend to believe the second option.

Herodes could learn how to treat kids from Dev....

Rani as Maya is not an inspiring person either. Also wallowing in self-pity she is pushing away any chance of being happy with her husband Rishi (Abhishek). The film tried to present her as being oh so poor a soul because she does not feel romantic love for Rishi, but I only wanted to scream at her for being such a life-ruiner. Rishi is a husband of dreams really. He copes up with everything she does or says without a complaint. He is incredibly giving. And she apparently doesn´t give a damn. In this sense she is same as Dev. They both obviously LOVE being miserable and they LOVE to blame others for it. HOW in the world am I supposed to be their fan or even feel for them? Impossible!

Let´s just behave like a total ass so I can embarass my partner and pity myself even more.

In a very apparent plot twist these two fall in love and start having a secret affair consisting mainly of getting drenched in the rain and singing songs in imaginary sorrounding Karan Johar style. Up until of course they are caught..... and they separate.... and they are oh so noble now and want to save their marriages.... and they end up together of course after one of the most teary, excruciating and longest climaxes ever. By that point I was already skipping whole minutes, completely worn out by all that crap I had managed to sit through. I was not interested AT ALL in what Dev and Maya were through.

One of the greatest sore spots in the film also remains Amitabh Bachchan in his possibly most cringe worthy role ever – Sexy Sam – out of whose hangover he is suffering till this day. Instead of cool he was sleazy and his part in the story was completely unnecessary. I guess his parts of the film were supposed to be mostly fun, but this intention fails completely.

Hi! I´m Sexy Sam. Embarassment of the decade.

The saving graces are performances by Preity Zinta and Abhishek Bachchan. In other circumstances I would always choose Rani and Shahrukh over them, but not here. Theirs were the bits I enjoyed and the best scene of them all has to be Preity slapping Shahrukh after finding out the truth.

KANK fails. In basically every department. I am nobody to preach about fidelity between husband and wife (though yeah, I believe in the concept) and I can see why many marriages fail. I am not saying two people HAVE TO live with each other if they are so very unhappy. However the way infidelity is presented in this movie makes it all seem actually right and legit. There are other films that deal with the same issue and yet they manage to show all the involved people as likeable humans with reasons of their own, like Yash Chopra´s Silsila or most recently Imtiaz Ali´s Rockstar, but Karan Johar, skilled with pouring glycerine but completely clueless about real feelings makes it all one great mess where you hate the hero, you hate the heroine and you hate their love story. And you definitely hate Sexy Sam.

Chalo Dilli

Directed by: Shashant Shah

Starring: Lara Dutta, Vinay Pathak

Released: 2011

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

One of the better films of the first half of 2011, and at the time I watched it (spring 2011) after 7 Khoon Maaf also the first which I watched at one go without looking at the timeline (which actually seems quite rare these days). It is a small film about small people who encounter trouble – that as we learn near the end are either big or small depending on your experience and view of life. Quite unusual for a Bollywood film it doesn´t have a love twist and the leading pair is not romantically involved at all (though they share a wonderful chemistry).

We have two characters who could not be more different – and I mean that to the extreme. Mihika is a drop dead gorgeous Senior Vice President of a top multinational Financial Institution in Mumbai. She is highly ambitious, extremely professional and confident and strictly demands the same level of professionalism not only from her employees, but apparently also from the whole world. Her own world works the way she likes it. Everything is organized, planned, punctual and most importantly clean. She is nothing less but outraged when she misses her flight to Delhi and is compelled to board another, where sadly there is no first class and she is forced to sit beside people from that other world which disgusts her so much. And what more – right next to her is the seemingly worst speciment of that world!

Tujhe dekha to yeh jaana sanam.....

Manu is a chubby, moustached, loud, paan-chewing, gutkaa juice-spitting and sweaty individual who has no qualms of keeping his money notes in the front part of his pants. A rather exaggarated portrayal of a „common Indian“ perhaps? I wouldn´t know. He definitely seemed at times like a caricature, then again I just completely can imagine people like him. Mihika, drinking her important paani, is honestly terrified of his manners. But fate apparently wants to play with her nerves, resistance and even life, because after a series of unfortunate happenings Mihika and Manu find themselves stuck with each other throughout increasingly bizzare situations. And while Manu is trying to cheer his companion up, Mihika only prays the journey will be over soon....

The movie in itself is what I would call a typical road story, where everything is going wrong. In fact, I was just wondering what more can actually go wrong, and I was always showed that the more wrong is actually possible. Only the ending makes the film what it is though, and it is one of the reasons why a viewer shouldn´t ask questions while watching. All will fall into place eventually. The film can get a bit lengthy, especially during the first 40 minutes, but once our two main protagonists board a train there is not one boring minute. Overally predictable i guess, but it is one of those cases you don´t really mind. It definitely doesn´t take anything away from the movie´s charm.

Example of the movie´s BEAUTIFUL cinematography.

I am a huge Vinay Pathak fan. His ordinary, down to earth and unpretentious character of Manu is endearing despite all the habits which may seem purely disgusting. He never overdoes anything, be it the humour or emotions and his timing is flawless. This was the first film in which I´ve seen Lara Dutta in the lead. Previously I´ve only seen her blink and miss cameo in Fanaa and her short role in Billu. She is definitely underrated! She is not only gorgeous, but has a good comic timing and both her anger and her tears are believable. Plus this was definitely not an easy role and she simply nailed it. Mihika could have easily turned out to be a “reformed bitch”, but instead one takes an immediate liking for her in spite of her prejudices. By making a film like Challo Dilli she also took a risk hardly any of the A-list star actresses ever would. And she succeeds. And I can already know she will not get a single award....

WHY is this woman not getting roles opposite the Khans?

Akshay Kumar´s cameo is one of the best ones this year. It comes definitely as a surprise, and though his first appearance has (intentionally which is obvious) the „Khiladi“ feel, he does not become a caricature of himself, as it seems to be so popular in the films these days, but acquires his own identity. His character is highly likeable and Akshay, not trying too hard, as well.

Music doesn´t really stay in mind, but both songs and background score follow the story nicely. From the technical aspects however the best is cinematography. The makers managed to show various faces of both cosmopolitan and rural India in a short span of 2 hours beautifully. Challo Dilli is colourful, but not in the rather eye-soaring way Yashraj sometimes make their films, it really breaths both the hectic life of big cities and peacefulness of the rather deserted areas where time does not move ahead too quickly. True, one would wish the script was more tight, the first 40 minutes more funny, the sickly looking Yana Gupta´s item number was not there and other little things. The film is not perfect, but something tells me that was not even the intention in the first place.

I really enjoyed this one for all its differences from the „usual“ mainstream Bollywood films. Here is a film without a love plot, with a an unattractive elderly (though still brilliant) „hero“, making you think but not preaching. Charming to the core.

Welcome to the Red Tomato hotel.

Why don´t  you just kill me now?