Teri Meri Kahaani

Directed by: Kunal Kohli

Starring: Shahid Kapoor, Priyanka Chopra, Prachi Desai

Released: 2012

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I was expecting a fluffy and cute film but it turned out to be quite lame. Surprisingly enough it was not about reincarnation, which was the impression I got from the promos, but perhaps that would have made more sense in the end.

One by one, and for whatever reason not chronologically, we are presented three love stories that have one thing in common – they happen in a span of mere minutes. First it´s the Mumbai of the 60s, where in a big film studio an aspiring musician falls for a film star (whom he doesn´t know, even though he seeks job in films and she gets her own Filmfare cover from time to time. Huh.) However at the same time he acts way too familiar with a common girl who thinks he´s in love with her. And boom – she happens to be the filmstar´s best friend. This storyline, though weak in terms of script (and everything else), was watchable. Priyanka (looking gorgeous, no arguments there) had nothing much to do in a whole film, but Shahid as Govind, though unsuccessfully trying to recreate the Raj Kapoor magic, was more or less agreeable both as a character and as a performer at this point (it gets worse later). The sets creating scenery were too obviously painted to be taken seriously – or was that intentional to bring out the vibe of the era?

Second story moves forward in time to our present where Facebook and Twitter are a part of everyday life. A young college student breaks up with his girl, but two hours later falls in love with another. After much SMS messages they are full of true pyaar, which includes sending each other photos of their burgers etc etc, but the ex-girlfriend (who by the way initiated the break-up) decides she is jealous and makes public some unflattering pictures of the guy, to which he answers with posting her pictures. His new love doesn´t understand fun apparently and leaves him. Boo hoo. Let´s put a hood on and have some smart talks about how women are like alcohol. This storyline was hand down the worst. Not only neither of them looked the age they pretended to be, but all the messaging actually made them seem like 13 years olds. Especially the whole photo war between Krrish and Meera (WHO keeps photos like that in their phone anyway???). Super lame.

I was rather looking forward to the 1910s (oh the time when to sing in prison was illegal) bit, but it let me down. Lahore at that time was apparently full of horny girls waiting only for Shahid to rid them of their virginity. I am no expert on Indian culture, but from what I´ve seen and heard, looting a girl like that often leads to the guy being beaten up and worse, yet this guy is ruining every girl in sight and he walks freely in the city, without any father being distressed. And of course the girl who gets his heart is the one who doesn´t let him into her bed as soon as she sees him. Pure pyaar yet again. But alas her father is not inclined to marry his daughter off to a notorious womanizer who recently is in prison, and instead he weds her to a decent man he approves of. Bastard, nah? The „mass crowd“ scenes in this were anything but a „mass crowd“. It got better as it progressed, but the first impression really took its toll.

But if you have not understood already, all the stories are about TRUE PYAAR. And what Bollywood taught us? That PURE PYAAR always wins. And so you can be sure that confused filmstars will hop onto that train, that university students acting like prepubescent children will update their Facebook status, and that the director will conveniently and quietly kill off the girl´s decent husband so the womanizer can marry her instead.

Finally the question is – why? I did not understand the need for three different stories, that obviously had no connection between them. Did Kunal Kohli get three similar scripts and couldn´t decide so he rolled them all into one? That seems the most probable version to me.

Tere Naal Love Ho Gaya

Directed by: Mandeep Kumar

Starring: Riteish Deshmukh, Genelia D´Souza, Om Puri, Tinnu Anand

Released: 2012

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

My first thought after finishing the movie was simple: I loved this! No expectations or over-thinking do pure wonders for this film, which I found genuinely sweet and entertaining. Sue me, but I liked it even more than more prolific and praised Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu, starring more prolific and praised Kareena Kapoor and Imran Khan. I have grown up from romcoms a long time ago but this one was just too cute.

Viren is a honest rickshaw driver, who saves every rupee possible to buy a taxi one day. He, very unwisely, tells this to his employer and soon enough his dreams suffer a serious blow when the latter sells all his rickshaws overnight and buys several taxi cars. And Viren gets a nasty shock, since his earnings were hidden in the rickshaw! After he fails to recover the money, and the employers refuses to get even with him, sacking him to top it all, Viren, hopeless and truly desperate, decides to do a desperate thing: with a gun he attacks his house, demanding his money, earned with such difficulty, back. Unfortunately for him he runs into the engagement of the employer´s daughter Mini, and he cannot even start to comprehend what troubles would the girl give him.

Because Mini really does not want to get married, and desperate as much as Viren, but with more gusto for life and a lot more constructive mind, she improvizes her own kidnapping by Viren, scaring the heck out of him, but ultimately pulling it off. The duo later decides to demand ransom for Mini, that would cover Viren´s loss and ensure Mini´s comfortable flight from an unwanted marriage. Of course they fall in love after a while, their journey to a relationship however is without much clichéd pathos. The second part of the film is just as entertaining as the first, if not more, as we shift from their plight to Viren´s ancestral home, where we learn that his family has made business by kidnapping people. And while Viren despises this family trade, Mini is absolutely delighted with his home and relatives, and is absolutely against leaving – ever!

The carrousel of light fun never ends, and Tere Naal Love Ho Gaya leaves one with a warm fuzzy feelings aroused by all the cuteness, bright colours and beautiful melodies. „Piya O Re Piya“ is one of the best songs of the years for sure, and the chemistry between the leads makes it even more beautiful.

Genelia is my new girl crush. Such a gorgeous girl! I loved her facial expressions and exuberance, the positive energy she displayed on screen with such an ease it is hard to imagine she may not be like that at all time even off screen. She is definitely a much better actress than all the new girls in town from Asin to Anushka and she needs to make movies with more profitable stars. I have a feeling she would absolutely sizzle with Ranbir!! Ritesh as Viren was fine, I don´t think he is the hero-material (though he remains an able actor), and I prefer him in side roles. In the end it actually seemed Genelia was the only lead and he just let her shine. Om Puri and Tinnu Anand are just pure gold, and you can always rely on them for good performances.

True, there were shortcomings to the movie (mainly the character of Viren, who really lacks any intensity and his dislike toward family occupation is not well explored, the climax too could have been a lot more exciting), but overall I truly enjoyed the film so much I´m ready to forgive.

 

 

Tum Mere Ho

Directed by: Tahir Hussain

Starring: Aamir Khan, Juhi Chawla

Released: 1990

Verdict: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Tum Mere Ho is one of the movies trying to ride the wave of popularity which had swept Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla post their not-exactly-debut-film Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak. Both were fresh faces, young, attractive and with notable acting talent, and their pairing was hugely appreciated. No wonder that as soon as the Qayamat fever washed over there were other projects offered to the couple, but sadly none up until Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke in 1993 managed to do justice to anything Aamir and Juhi related – be it their acting or chemistry. Tum Mere Ho is also, at the same time, one of the most bizarre films I´ve seen. Entertaining in a way, but ultimately falling into the category of unintentionally hilarious.

I mean..... what the hell????

The films opens with a ridiculously shot scene which is supposed to be dramatic and mysterious, yet manages only to confuse and provides one of the many WTF moments the film is full of. A shapeshifting magic snakes are nothing new in Indian films, however I´d like to keep thinking that when in human form, they look like Sridevi in Nagina, not like the lady in this film, dressed as if she was ready to attend the new Savage Garden concert. In any case, the story goes as follows: greedy guy kills a snake, believing he´ll get some secret treasure, but only manages to really annoy its mate (the shapeshifter), who, to get even with him, bites his small son. Doctors are hurriedly summoned, but alas! Too late! They proclaim the child for dead and send his body floating in the river (I´m not really familiar with Hindu rituals, but..... aren´t you supposed to burn the dead body and dispers the ashes???). An old man finds the child in the water soon afterwards and unlike doctors, who should apparently immediately go back to medical school, finds out the truth!

Indeed - the kid is alive and kicking. He keeps the boy with him, naming him Shiva, and raises him to be – very conveniently – a snakecharmer and sorcerer who, by wielding an old bone, can control flying skulls and do magic (yes, you heard right). 

I shall have this expression till the end of the film.

One day on a fair the handsome and poor Shiva meet beautiful and rich Paro and love blossoms. Are you expecting the old boring twist of her parents disapproving and that being all? How wrong thou areth! Yes, daddy is not happy, he even hires another totally ridiculously styled magician to kill Shiva with his magic lute, but when that fails, showing that obviously unless the lute would be used to beat the guy to death it´s good for nothing, he has Shiva severely punished and then comes the biggest shock of all – he reveals to his daughter that she is not allowed to love, because she is – a widow! She was married off when three years old, but her husband (of the same age) died after being bitten by the snake few days later. And her parents did what every parent would do. Raised her without ever telling her anything about it until the day her in-laws would come to take her to live with them. Because that, apparently, would not cause the girl any distress. Oh, if only there was a guy bitten by snake as a child nearby..... righ?

Juhi being all pretty of course.....

Devastated Paro does what all Bollywood girls do when they want to protect the guy they love – she totally breaks his heart by telling him she never loved him. He, in return, sings a song about betrayal to her in public, and then they part way, seemingly forever. Many tears and more tears later Shiva finds out Paro actually does love him, and follows her to her in-laws. From there it´s more and more naive and silly and WTF and shapeshifting snake lady makes a ridiculous return only to participate in a ridiculously grand „action“ scene with Aamir vs. flying snakes near the very end. Finally all falls into place (in the story, not for you as a viewer), Shiva is recognized by his parents, and considering the heated scenes he and Paro shared throughout the film (with and without clothes, some serious belly kissing involved – which both rather surprised me), I guess they did not bother with marrying again and..... lived happily ever after.

"Do you want a viper or a rattle snake as a wedding gift?!

"I think I hate you for real."

To be honest, even though I´m not against "magic" in films, this one made me shake my head in a complete disbelief, especially at the beginning, as I was really not expecting it. Unlike Nagina, where the supernatural is presented wonderfully "realistic", here it is anything but convincing. The whole necromancy bit was unnecessary and presented without a bit of mystery or thrill. Juhi was great, second half was her time to shine, at least in whatever she was given by a weak script. Aamir was good too, though most of the second part he spent sitting under a tree playing a lute more then anything else. Seeing them together was of course a pleasure, one just wishes the director would have understood what opportunities he had in his hands. He, however is not the only one we could complain about when it comes to wasting Juhi/Aamir jodi. Except for Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak and Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke none of their films together were good. Pity.

Thanks filmmakers. I wouldn´t have guessed the guy was evil if he wasn´t wearing that skull on his T-shirt.

I liked music, especially the title song, which is rather melodious. However the boys vs. girls dance in the snakecharmer´s village caused another huge WTF moment with all the "violent" slapping throughout. The explanation that „our girls like men who can slap them and control them“ did not go well with my feminist side.

In spite of all I actually felt entertained, so I do not regret spending my time watching the film. All in all - trashily epic. I guess this is one of those films Aamir Khan never talks about.

"Why should I? I never made this film. Go watch Lagaan now."